tonight...

(tonight...Tara and I playing around under the moon while Tim was doing a few outdoor chores)

I am counting my blessings...big time. In the midst of all the noise and pain and jumbled up emotions...I am choosing to focus on all that is good + right + kind + wonderful in my life. And... In the world. I hope you are too.

digging deep

I was just reading the current Somerset Life issue and stumbled upon an article that touched me so deeply.
It was written by Christina Martin of Soul Aperture...you must visit her blog; it is chock full of delicious images + uplifting words. It was this right here from her article that reached out to me "There are no words to describe the strength it takes to rescue the most authentic parts of ourselves." Isn't that so true? Well...that what it feels like I am doing right now...digging deep deep deep to rescue the lost parts of mySELF. My words + ideas + images. After reading her article I just wrote down all the things I want to do...no matter how unlikely or improbable (spend a week in Italy!!!) and even some mundane, completely doable ones (take a half hour every day to just be). It felt so good to just write down all these goals and wishes I had, some of which I had completely forgotten about!! Journaling has such magic to unleash hidden-deep desires, don't you think?
In other news...I am so far behind well, everything!! I had been painting up a storm but then a few days ago I got a migraine that lasted 2 whole days!!! It went away finally, thank goodness but it forced everything to a halt!! It is really difficult to find some sort of balance between motherhood and daily life + painting . I think it's simply matter of taking one day at a time:) Hope you are all doing well ...wherever you are. xxx

"I, too, sing America"

    ("I, too, sing America..."from my inspiration board...artwork by Bryan Collier

                                  quote by Langston Hughes)

I have thought long and hard about writing this post...but my outrage + grief is sitting in the pit of my stomach and weighing down my heart. I am angry, pissed, boiling with rage. You see...my husband is as American as apple pie but I am Canadian so even though I live here in the U.S. I am largely an outsider; a spectator in many ways. I was not socialised or educated here. So...a lot of times when I observe certain things...I simply can't understand. A few weeks ago when we all started hearing about the Trayvon Martin case down in Florida...I, like so many of us, simply failed to see how this could happen. Here was  a child ( a child, people...a child) who was walking home carrying some candy and an ice tea and he gets shot and killed by an adult. Now the incredulous thing to me is that the police fail to arrest the man who did this!!! After we hear all the chilling 911 calls ...and the Sanford Police won't arrest Zimmerman????? Say what???? They cite that Zimmerman was "defending himself" as per the Stand Your Ground law in Florida. Oh yeah...even when Zimmerman clearly says on the 911 call that he is the one following the youth????

Not only that...but they don't do  a background check on Zimmerman but they do one on the 17 year old boy??? And...they don't contact Treyvon's parents for 3 days???? Here's the sad truth...Treyvon Martin wasn't killed because he was wearing a hoodie (I wear one everyday)...or because he was "suspicious" (he was walking home talking to his girlfriend on his cell) but...he was killed because he was a young Black male. That part is painfully obvious to me. It's the same reason the Sanford Police Dept. treated the case as they did. And the real tragedy of this situation is that this beautiful child will never see his 18th birthday.

I thought long and hard before I wrote this post...Oh!! this is my blog about art and inspiration and...I shouldn't get poitical and...but I spent the first 13 years of my life under a Nazi Government (otherwise known as apartheid South Africa), my husband and daughter are African American ...and this hits too close to home for me...as  a wife, a mother, a human being. We are failing our children if we don't speak up...tomorrow it could be my child that is shot down because she looks "suspicious". Or yours. This is wrong...this has to stop; we can make a difference. If you want to sign the petition to get justice for this little boy...you can go here ; it's a call for Zimmerman's arrest.
Dear Trayvon; you have worked your way into my heart with your beautiful smiling innocent face. You loved baking chocolate chip cookies, playing video games and you wanted to go into aviation. Under the U.S. constitution...you have the unequivocal right to justice. You, too, sing America.

creative burst

I am going through a creative burst right now...and my only problem/frustration is that I just don't have enough time to paint!! Before I had Tara I would hole up in my studio for 6-8 hours a day with mini breaks ...but now I squeeze time in whenever I can. Sometimes I have hours at a stretch to paint...but I also make use of small time pockets too. Somehow...I am making it work. I have to say, though, that I am so much more focused now...so much more disciplined in my work because I simply don't have time to piddle around!! I don't have a schedule I follow (say...paint time/writing time/blogging/photography etc) but..I make lists of what needs to be done and then try to fit it into my days somehow. But I also follow my intuition and heart...like right now I need to paint, paint, paint so...everything else (website/blog update etc) is falling behind. I am totally okay with it and ..riding the creative burst!! Happy weekend everyone!!!

* Tara's having a creative burst too:) xxx

a story to tell

(tonight...in my studio)

I finally found  a babysitter  whom Tara adores and I feel 100% comfortable with...which means I have blocks of time to paint during the day!!! I have been working on quite a few canvases all at once (as I usually do)...backgrounds, faces, this + that. I feel the direction of my work changing...and it's exciting and frustrating and...aaah!!! growth!! I worked on this lady right here for a long  time...and then...just when I thought she was done...I felt that her face needed to be different somehow. She was too much like all my previous paintings (= holding onto the past + what's comfortable). But she wants to be heard...she is different...she has a story to tell; she wants to be seen.

Now here's the thing...I have absolutely no idea what she needs to say. I don't know what her story is...but... I am listening. I am open...aware...standing with her heart to heart...soul to soul ...on her journey. It may take me a long long time to gather all her pieces and lay them down on the canvas...or it may all come together like a puzzle. I have no idea. And it doesn't matter. The important thing is this; I am going to tell her story.

I am on this journey with her...and in doing so..I am journeying toward mySELF. 

claiming my space

My studio is almost done...really!! And as I set things up, I started thinking about how important it is to claim our  space (physically and mentally) for our work. When I was a teen, I used my sketchbooks as a portable studio. They were part diary/sketchbook/ideas/hopes/dreams + poetry. Boyfriend/life troubles + art + places I wanted to travel etc were side by side. But it was my safe place to be who I wanted to be; it held possibility and a world far larger than the myopic one I lived in at the time. A world that was full of pain, troubles, lies, deceit and horrible dysfunction. A world I did not belong in and wanted no part of.

Now...as I create my workspace...I realise how essential it is to establish boundaries around what we do. Creating comes from a tender, vulnerable place...doesn't it...so we need to protect it and provide a sanctuary where it can flourish. It doesn't have to be a separate room or super large + fancy...it can be a small table, a closet, a sketchbook/journal. The main thing, I think, is for us to claim our space; it's the intention.

I have tons + tons of inspiration...photos/art/books/sculpture/my African mask collection/quotes/journals/art supplies/music (Italian Opera + Indian classical), audio tapes (Dr. Estes...love + need!!!) incense etc etc. Lots of light + color + pattern = good energy. But more importantly...my studio is a place that holds the sacred seeds of possibility.

* studio pics coming soon!!!
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OMG!!! My baby is riding a big girl bike!!!

the wonder of it

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”      -Martha Graham

I am trying to be open...to lose all the negativity and self criticism in my painting (+ in my life = so much more difficult!!!). But how many times do we do that to ourselves..."oh!! this...it's nothing"...it was just something I did a long time ago...I'm not a real artist/writer/sculptor/poet etc, it's just something I do in my spare time. I used to do that a long long time ago until one day I realised that my whole living room (turned studio) was filled with about 50+ huge completed paintings.

There were still lifes, portraits, abstracts and figures. And a light bulb went off in my head...aha!!! I am an artist!!! I don't need a BFA or an MFA or or or. I am an artist because I paint!! It was at the very moment that I claimed my work and my SELF that I felt a huge flow of creative energy and inspiration. Of course the journey is never a straight one and I have to constantly affirm my work in different ways. Growth and change bring about all sorts of exciting + fearful challenges to work through.  And that's where I am right now...on the cusp of a new blossoming of work. Its's exciting and terrifying all at once, let me tell you. I am bringing all of who I am to my canvas...and it's vulnerable + freeing . I have no idea where it's going to go... that's the wonder of it.

So dear friends...I ask you, too, to claim all of who you are. Don't throw any precious pieces of yourSELF away...honor them and give them voice + space to flourish. 

things are coming together

(this afternoon-working on some backgrounds)

Life has been hectic over here in a good way...even though I am exhausted!! I managed to squeeze in a little bit of painting time this afternoon while Tara was napping and that replenished me...filled me up. I am so much more efficient now that I am a mom... there's no time for procrastinating; every minute counts!! I prioritise now (out of necessity!!) and am better able to make use of my time. I also appreciate the times when I can relax, take a hot bath, enjoy a cup of tea, read a magazine undisturbed (all things I took for granted pre mom days!!). So...here's what's been going on over here:

* trying to do all sorts of projects (big + small around the house). I am really loving the way things are turning out. I have been planning things in my head for months and writing ideas down in my journal...so when it all comes together it makes me happy:)

* trying to set up my office; it's so much more difficult than I imagined. My printer/scanner/computer etc are all in the guest bathroom right now so gotta' get them in my office and running so I can open up my Etsy shop again!!

(self portrait taken with timer)

* really working on updating my website...the pic I have posted on my home page is a wedding pic from...6 years ago!!! It's gotta' go!!

* I just received some super fantastic news today that has me flying across the moon. Seriously. Can't wait to share it with you all.

* I finally got my hands on the March Somerset Studio and...am just beaming to read my article in there. It's just something else altogether to actually physically hold the magazine and see my work + words + heart + soul on the pages. I am so grateful and thrilled.

*I have been taking some pics. (self portraits + others) for my website. I had so much fun doing it because I just started playing around and having a good time.

* working on the changes I want to make to my blog. Oh!! How I hate hate hate figuring out HTML stuff!!! It seriously frustrates me to no end!!

(self portrait with brushes + paintings)

So...that's it for now. I hope you all are doing well + I will be stopping by soon. xxx

heart to heart

(self portrait with reading glasses)

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about a blog makeover (which I sorely need), and started writing down thoughts, inspirations and goals in my journal. Initially I felt maybe I was putting in too much personal stuff on my blog...you know, and not enough art/biz stuff. but after some introspection I decided that I bring all of me to my art so it just makes sense that it would translate into my blog as well; I don't separate the two. Because of all my personal and unique experiences...I create the art + write the way I do.  So...the personal stuff stays and I will try not to post too many pics of Tara:). Then...for design etc...I pretty much like things the way they are but maybe simplify things a bit?? Not sure yet. And I want all of my stuff in one place (website/press/blog etc)...still working on how I can make it all happen.

(See Me True, prints available soon!!)

And most importantly...how do I want my blog to feel?? what kind of experience do I want you, the reader, to have? How can I connect heart to heart/ soul to soul? Not so easy to answer these questions...still working on them!!

**A few weeks ago I got reading glasses for the very first time...still adjusting to them. Tara is fascinated with the "eye bubbles" as she calls them and thinks they are so pretty.

(yesterday)

And this is my girl Tara. She picks out all of her own clothes, won't pose for pics and comes up with 100 amazing new things every day. I look at her baby pics and can't believe she was ever that tiny!! Where did the time go??

how far we've come...how far we have to go

                                                               (3 Women, 2006-SOLD)
" I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't."     -Audre Lorde (* I was introduced to the life + writings of Audre Lorde in my first year of University a looooong time ago and instantly fell in love with this brilliant + courageous warrior with words.)

Today is International Women's Day so...I got to thinking about what that means.  Of course it's to celebrate all  we have accomplished and how far we have come . But...what does it mean to a woman who is raped in the Congo (aprox. 48 women every hour) , or a woman in India who just found out that her baby girl has been murdered by her husband simply because she's a girl or...a young girl in Afghanistan who burns herself to death because she feels that is her only option???  The list goes on. And on. and on.
I know full well that if I lived in many parts of the world I would not have the life I do...so I certainly don't take any of the freedoms I have for granted. I can say whatever I want, paint what I like and hey!!! I won't get beaten, thrown in jail or murdered because of it!! But...lets not kid ourselves either...gender based violence + inequities are an issue all over the world even right here in North America. So...while we embrace and celebrate all that is wonderful about being women...lets also work toward making things better in our small part of the world as well.

right now...

(writing in my journal today)

A peek at what's been going on around here these days.

* trying to catch up on e-mails, blogs  + things after being down with the flu for all of Feb.!!

* I so want to take the class Re-Writing Your Story with Vivienne McMaster . Just don't know if I have the time right now.

* am setting up my office...I decided on a (mostly) monochromatic color scheme. Using this luscious pic as my inspiration. Am totally loving all the grays from deep, smoky charcoals to  ash grays. I can't r-open up my Etsy shop until my office is done...printer, scanner etc all are not set up yet!!! Yikes!!!

* spending tons of quality time with my girl who is, quite simply, adorable. I am enjoying her and not stressing about all the little things.

* have been reading + writing a lot...

* discovered pixelr-o-matic last week and am in love!!!

* need a blog make-over!! Trying to figure out the direction I want my blog to go in (more on this soon!)

* am counting my lucky stars that I have the amazing husband I do.
* my studio is almost all set up (pics coming soon) and...hopefully I can start painting.

(be brave)... listen to your heart

"If you want to love, take the time to listen to your heart. In most ancient and wise cultures, it is a regular practice for people to talk to their heart. There are rituals, stories and meditative skills in every spiritual tradition that awaken the voice of the heart. To live wisely, this practice is essential because our heart is the source of our connection to and intimacy with all of life. When we do speak to our heart, we must ask the most honest questions we can. How do we feel about the way we are living? Is it conducive to ease , creativity, wholeness, respect? "-Thomas Merton

I submitted some of my art last week. I had been wanting to do it for months and months but something always came up; not enough time to get things together, fear, doubt, and all the other gremlins. But finally  finally finally ...I did it!!! And now it really doesn't matter at all whether I get accepted or rejected or...or...or. All that matters is that I listened to my heart. It feels good. It feels right. It feels free. How many times do we simply ignore our heart + intuitive wisdom? No matter what questions we hold in the deepest parts of ourSELVES...if we shut out the noise and insecurities and simply follow our hearts...the answers lie waiting patiently. I deeply believe that our path is waiting for us as much as we yearn for it. What does your heart say?

settling in(to mySELF)

(on my inspiration board)

This is one of those times when I have so much to say...so much to share...but I don't quite know how to go about it. As I am settling into our new home...I find that I am also settling into mySELF. Isn't it strange how there are metaphors and parallels in our life all over the place...when we are open to them? I haven't talked too much about our new home up to now ...I think because I was just too overwhelmed to focus on the good stuff...all I saw was all the unpacking and work that needed to be done. But it is gorgeous and huge and light filled. And now that I am setting things up...I want there to be lots and lots of ...art...books, comfort + ease...creativity and living...love + laughter...color + light. I want simplicity. It's the same for me on a personal level..I find that I want all of these things to manifest in my relationships as well.

On my to do list:

*make art

*be true

*listen to my heart + intuition

*dance (often!)

*love

*give my soul a voice

*laugh

*create

*risk

*try

*fail

*try again

*be. here. now.

*walk

*learn

*be open

*hug trees

*write. truth. now.

*kindness matters

*play

(setting up my studio painting table)

Oh! This is my studio table...I have been setting things up and it just makes my heart sing to see all of my paints and brushes + pencils...again!!! Hopefully i will have things all done by next week and can start making art!! Hope you all have a happy happy weekend and thanks o much for all of your well wishes regarding my last post. xxx