the wonder of it

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”      -Martha Graham

I am trying to be open...to lose all the negativity and self criticism in my painting (+ in my life = so much more difficult!!!). But how many times do we do that to ourselves..."oh!! this...it's nothing"...it was just something I did a long time ago...I'm not a real artist/writer/sculptor/poet etc, it's just something I do in my spare time. I used to do that a long long time ago until one day I realised that my whole living room (turned studio) was filled with about 50+ huge completed paintings.

There were still lifes, portraits, abstracts and figures. And a light bulb went off in my head...aha!!! I am an artist!!! I don't need a BFA or an MFA or or or. I am an artist because I paint!! It was at the very moment that I claimed my work and my SELF that I felt a huge flow of creative energy and inspiration. Of course the journey is never a straight one and I have to constantly affirm my work in different ways. Growth and change bring about all sorts of exciting + fearful challenges to work through.  And that's where I am right now...on the cusp of a new blossoming of work. Its's exciting and terrifying all at once, let me tell you. I am bringing all of who I am to my canvas...and it's vulnerable + freeing . I have no idea where it's going to go... that's the wonder of it.

So dear friends...I ask you, too, to claim all of who you are. Don't throw any precious pieces of yourSELF away...honor them and give them voice + space to flourish. 

some thoughts on trusting our heart, being published and working through our fears

(following her true-prints available soon)

"Our work is to show we have been breathed upon - to show it, give it out, sing it out, to live out in the topside world what we have received through our sudden knowings, from body, from dreams and journeys of all sorts."            -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

(yesterday afternoon)

When I went to the mailbox yesterday...I found this complimentary copy of the Somerset Gallery issue...thank you Somerset!!  I was shocked to discover that my name is on the cover!!! Thank you again Somerset!! But...I am getting ahead of myself...let me tell you the full story. For months and months I agonized and procrastinated and then...agonised some more about submitting some of my artwork to Stampington. All my fears, insecurities and inadequacies came knocking loud and clear...do you know what I mean?? Who do you think you are, your work isn't good enough, bold enough, different enough, too different on and on. Uh...it wasn't pretty!! But one day...earlier on this year...I sat down, took a deep breath, gathered up every ounce of courage I had and sent off a box. Then I agonised some more!! But as the weeks wore on I decided to surrender...and hope.

(yesterday afternoon- reading my article)

But...let me go back in time even more. When I was a very young teen (about 13 or 14 years old) I had so many many dreams. Writing, painting, photography, drawing, sewing...on and on. But my dreams had no air to breathe or wings to fly. I couldn't lay down any foundation beneath them because I was too busy putting one foot in front of another....just trying to survive. My life at home was violent; full of pain and abuse. My life at school was marred by racism and trying to adjust to a very foreign way of life in Canada. I was forced to live in two very different worlds; and here I stood, always at the edge of both. A stranger to mySELF. All of this was a heavy burden for such a young heart to carry.

So...yesterday afternoon as I sat there on my couch, reading my article in Somerset...I was in awe and gratitude at the depth and breadth of my journey. I take none of this for granted...here is my soul spilled out onto these canvases and pages... but it all started a very long time ago when I decided to trust mySELF and stand in my truth. None of it has been easy, mind you, but it has been necessary. The tears and heartache, the surrendering to my fears...the shame and truthtelling....have all made way for this space right here;  where I can simply be who I am.

                                                           (sooooooo excited!!)
And my sweet baby girl Tara was soooo excited to see mommy's art in a magazine. She said to me "you did such a good job Mommy. I'm going to give you a Dora sticker." :) My heart just melted all over the place. It all feels a bit surreal to see my art in one of my favorite magazines...but I am just soaking it all in. Thank to each and every one of you for your kindness and support. It means more to me than you will ever know. xxx

P.S. And a big huge thanks to Kelly Rae Roberts' Flying Lessons. I took her e-course last year and it totally rocked!! It was just the right amount of sass, kick in the pants and practical knowledge that I needed to get me going. I totally recommend this class...thank you Kelly Rae!!