tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43602720329290089252024-03-14T00:18:55.406-07:00soraya nulliahMy He(ART)-Full Lifesoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.comBlogger683125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-91108166175442417042017-12-08T23:21:00.000-08:002017-12-10T07:06:58.501-08:00Paint Fearless Mexico!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm pretty sure that no-one reads my blog anymore...it's been <em>well</em> over a year since I've been here. Life happens, time zooms by but I've *<em><strong>really</strong></em>* missed being here. Of course I've still been painting, micro-blogging (on Instagram..<a href="http://.here/">.here</a>) and following my heart. So much has happened during this time...too much to go into right now...so I'm going to write about an art retreat I went on last month to Oaxaca, Mexico. <em>Where would I even begin</em>??? I'm still trying to process it all but it was<strong><em> amazing</em></strong>!!!<br />
There was a fabulous group of ladies headed by the one and only
Connie Solera of Dirty Footprints Studio (I<strong> LOVE</strong> this lady!!). We stayed
at Art House Oaxaca where there is an attached outdoor art studio plus a
restaurant/cafe...I mean...what more could you want, right?? We were
mentored and taught...we wined and dined, we laughed and cried and were
open, honest, vulnerable. It was truly a <em>transformative</em> experience
for me.<br />
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Oaxaca (pronounced wah-haak-kah) is a fairly small old town, rich in history, that centers around a huge church. It's soaked in art of all kinds...otomi fabrics which are rich and colorful handmade embroidered tapestries, handmade wooden sculptures, paints, all sorts of handicrafts and folk arts. I arrived there just a few days after Day of the Dead celebrations so all the gorgeous flowers and murals were still up. Just waking up early in the morning and taking a short walk to the park or corner store was an adventure! But...let me share my experiences with Connie Solera and Paint Fearless.<br />
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So, right from the start, I felt so supported by the Universe, my family, Connie and the entire group of ladies (there were 8 of us). It's really difficult to put into words... it was a deep knowing, a visceral feeling of "I am totally meant to be here in this time and space with these people". I arrived a couple of days early because I wanted to settle in and be relaxed by the time classes began. And seriously, friends...without sounding too "out there<em>"...everything</em> aligned for me. One after another I began to experience internal shifts in regard to my art. The things I was struggling with just slipped away when I opened my heart and truly began listening to Connie. Because I trusted her implicitly, all my self doubts and fears went away. I mean...of course I was terrified but...she made it really easy to relax, trust myself and be in the flow.She provided a safe and loving space for us to incubate our creativity, our heart and our female-ness (Shakti energy on steroids!!).<br />
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Now none of us had ever met each other before and here we were...going to spend 8 days together painting!!<em> Yikes</em>!! All of us ladies were from very different backgrounds...all artists, of course...but we had each come for different reasons. Yet there we were... open and willing to learn, love, laugh, grow, paint, be vulnerable. It was an incredible experience of community! There was no completion, mean spiritedness or toxic jealousy. Each of us were on our own path and engaged in our personal creative journey. Rarely (if ever) have I ever been in an environment where I felt truly accepted, appreciated and supported. I desperately want to create more of these experiences in my life.<br />
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And...the way in which art is experienced here is inspirational and eye opening. Amidst so much material poverty there was also <strong>"art as a way of life</strong>" that coexists. Flower arrangements everywhere that were simply stunning...doorways adorned, murals gracing the walls, old architecture and even the flowers and trees are poets and dancers. And then there is the ancient mixture of cultures that I only got a brief glimpse of. Folklore, magic, mystery, a melting pot of old and new, Christianity that is melded with indigenous beliefs. Art is so entwined with everyday life over here it was like stepping into a painting. Also...Frida Kahlo's mother is from this place so everywhere you go, you see these stunningly gorgeous outfits she used to wear...it was magical. <br />
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And...<em><strong>I was totally in my element here!</strong></em> I loved being in the midst of the female energy that I was surrounded by, I adored listening to Connie and watching her paint and explain her process to us. It was so empowering to see how she claimed her space, owned her gifts without any pretension or fanfare...she simply lived it! She moves in this world full of Shakti energy, divine grace, humility and empowerment.That was incredibly inspiring to me. And she truly is a brilliant teacher, intuitively knowing what each of us needed. Totally love this lady!! (Have I mentioned that???)<br />
And every morning after we all had breakfast together, we walked just a few steps over to our outdoor studio and started painting!! I felt enriched and alive...pulling images from the other world to this. Experimenting with color and form. Playing and letting go. Listening to my intuitive heart knowing that this was a completely safe space for me to navigate the furthest reaches of my heart and mind.<br />
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On our last day we each had our own art show.Yikes!! Each of us got to hang up our art, talk about it and listen to feedback from the group. It was wildly exciting and terrifying all at once. But so so good. And then...we had our last dinner together...lots of laughter and tears and good juju.<br />
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Goodbye sweet, magical city of Oaxaca. You have worked your way into my heart and I love you. I miss your outrageously beautiful colors, your heart and your art, your flowers and old buildings. Your food is delicious, your pastries decadent. I love your noisy bustling streets, the small shops with treasures awaiting. Most of all, though, I miss your people so full of kindness and love. Thank you so much for the riches you have given me, your sacred secrets and holy kindness. I will keep you and Paint Fearless forever in my heart. This experience has enriched me beyond my wildest dreams. xxx<br />
<br />soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-38669510565620474322016-06-22T10:11:00.000-07:002016-06-22T10:11:19.060-07:00 healing and leaning into my creative self<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. the light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires." -</b>Dr. Clarrisa Pinkola Estes<b> </b><br />
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<b>Ours is not the task of
fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the
part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and
powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand
up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The
light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires<br />Read more at: <a href="http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes">http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes</a></b></div>
<div style="left: -99999px; position: absolute;">
<b>Ours is not the task of
fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the
part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and
powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand
up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The
light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires<br />Read more at: <a href="http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes">http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes</a></b></div>
<div style="left: -99999px; position: absolute;">
<b>Ours is not the task of
fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the
part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and
powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand
up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The
light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires<br />Read more at: <a href="http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes">http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes</a></b></div>
<b> </b> I have so much to share about my journey of healing and creativity...<i>where do I start</i>? Okay...my work has been stagnant for the past...I don't even know how long! It's been frozen and stuck and stilted. But...<i>so have I!</i> What I'm discovering (and I am going to be writing so much more about this in future blog posts) is that healing and creativity are intrinsically linked. For me...there is no separation. For the past many years I have been so stuck in my healing journey. Yes...I was working on things, going to therapy every single week, owning up to hard truths and processing frozen emotions from my abusive childhood...but recovery is not a linear process.<i> It's just not!</i> And for that matter...neither is life or creativity or relationships etc. So...yes...I continued painting but I was so unhappy with my work. I had so much to share...I had images in my heart and mind of what I wanted my painting to emerge as ...but the same frozen images kept on showing up again...and again...and again. It's almost like I just had to paint the same frozen girl/woman every single time. And so...I did!! That girl was me. I was frozen and locked in pain, suffering, denial, suffering and even apathy. So...this girl just had to be painted over and over and over again. <br />
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Fast forward to a few months ago...and I began to feel myself healing, letting go, awakening. Basically...the key was to just be where I am. It's that simple...and that difficult. No matter what came up...I decided to step into it. If I was melancholy or angry or in a funky depression...so be it. If I had to paint the same lady 101 times...well...okay then! And I had to face some terribly difficult truths. Things I had a deep knowing of that the logical mind doesn't particularly want to face...but...there it is! And in this space of true acceptance...I experienced the beginnings of healing, transformation and yes!!! ...creativity. I felt the ice thawing and my emotions spilling out onto the page. I felt free and wild and almost possessed with painting. I felt opened up to dreams, poetry, images, wet paint and wild passions. <br />
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So...I signed Tara and I up for Bliss class and it's the absolute perfect opportunity and partner to my healing/creativity right now!! Juliette doesn't teach us how to paint like her...but she teaches us how to paint like ourSELVES. She has given me the gift of opening mySELF up to my own stories, images, truthtelling and artistry. She is generous in sharing all of her tools and techniques and then allows us...gives us the space and courage...to make them our own; to put our own twist on it. And I feel so free...it's not about right or wrong...it's about curiosity, playing, experimenting and showing up to do the work. I can't recommend this class enough! <br />
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<b>“creative entitlement simply means believing that you are allowed to be
here, and that—merely by being here—you are allowed to have a voice and a
vision of your own.”
</b> - Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic<br />
And so...I'm learning to make friends with my fears, to invite them along for the ride, ask them what they might have to show me...and keep on making my art. I'm learning to trust my art, my vision, my journey, my stories...my <i><b>SELF</b></i>. I'm also making friends with my potential...my unique voice, my courage and truth. I feel fierce yet...vulnerable. I can stand in this moment, firmly, set boundaries, ask for what I need, give myself what I need and keep on keeping on. Knowing all the while that it's all about the journey. In art..<i>.and in life. xxx</i><br /> <span id="quote_book_link_24487482">
</span>soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-65375104019476731062016-06-15T12:27:00.001-07:002016-06-16T10:50:54.484-07:00sketching on the go<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Friends...the first thing is...I'm not sure if anyone even reads my blog anymore; I haven't been here in forever!!! Despite my best efforts to keep a regular blogging schedule, I've fallen off the wagon due to 101 reasons. It's not that I don't have a ton of stuff to write about (<i>because I absolutely do</i>) but life just kept on cropping up. Also...I think that sometimes we just need a break, a place and space to rest and replenish until we feel ready. And it's not that I haven't been painting, creating and writing (Hop on over to<a href="https://www.instagram.com/sorayanulliah/"> my Instagram feed</a>) ...just not here for some reason!<br />
Anyways...I signed both Tara and me up for Bliss class by<a href="http://www.juliettecrane.com/"> Juliette Crane</a> (and I can't recommend it highly enough...a whole separate blog post for that!) and one of the habits I'm developing is sketching on the go. So I wanted to share what I'm learning from this process and also what's in my travel sketch kit. <br />
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<b>Travel Sketch Kit</b><br />
* 2 small sketchbooks (so I can go back and forth while pages dry). One of the sketchbooks is just a regular one for dry media...and even though I used watercolors ...I liked the effects of the buckling. If the page tore, I simply covered it up with a piece of collage...no worries! The other sketchbook is a Bee Super Deluxe for mixed media so the pages are sturdier. <br />
* 2 small watercolor kits (a Sennelier travel one I had and a kit I made with my fave. colors)<br />
* UHU gluestick (I ran out so next time I will definitely take a large!)<br />
* small water cup<br />
* a few markers<br />
* sharpener<br />
* Stabilo all black pencil<br />
* a couple of ziplock bags (so important to keep watercolors in!)<br />
* a few water-soluble oil pastels (2 whites because they can be used with other colors to vary tones and colors etc)<br />
*collage papers<br />
* mop type brush<br />
* fabric throw so I can spread it out anywhere and paint/sketch<br />
*pencil case to keep everything together<br />
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Okay...I learned so many things I wanted to share...some practical and some metaphoric.<br />
* I didn't pack a mop brush so I used an ice cube to spread the paints! <i>Whoa!!!!!</i> Totally awesome and cool effects and textures. Try it...I promise you will be surprised!<br />
*<i> less is more</i>. Sure...I love having all my inks and paints and....but when I have less stuff to use...it forces me to think outside the box. I used my fingers way more (which gave me a lot of very raw, emotive marks). I didn't have a ton of colors with me so I started getting very intentional with my palette, using my white oil pastel to vary colors and tones, Also using the white of the paper a whole lot more.<br />
* I made a ton of marks/scribbles etc that gave so much character and depth to my pages. I became very experimental and free in my mark making...most of it was going to get covered up anyways...but some of it would show through.<br />
* I think the most important thing I learned from the entire process, though, is that<i> it's all about the journey.</i> It's not about the finished painting/drawing/sketch but it's about what I'm learning along the way. There is no right or wrong,...I don't have to know where the page is going...more importantly..<i>.the page doesn't have to go anywhere at all!!!</i> I have pages that are simply full of beautiful colors, marks...a patch of graphic collage. <i>All okay!!! </i><br />
Happy Creating!!!!soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-88063017890806560972016-02-23T10:10:00.000-08:002016-02-23T10:10:54.000-08:00around here lately<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My sweet gorgeous girl turned 7...I can hardly even believe it! I remember the very first time I laid eyes on her and it seems like a moment ago. But in between these 7 years, she has grown and blossomed and bloomed and is thriving in every which way...it's kind of incredible. She is sweet and strong and kind and smart and sassy too, thank you very much! She has her own mind, is incredibly curious and creative...and we just love her to pieces. I am so very very incredibly grateful that I get to be her mom...that I get to nurture and love and foster her growth and witness her journey. She is the sun and the moon and the stars to us and I can't even begin to imagine what life was like before her.<br />
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Oh! Also...she's a complete daddy's girl now and loves to go on all sorts of adventures with him. <br />
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We got a new addition to our family...this sweet little mutton pie right here. Tim has been wanting a puppy since Tara was about a year and a half. But...the timing was so not right! Tara was just a toddler and needed my full care and attention plus we were moving across country and Tim was away for work a lot and on and on. And Tara has desperately wanted a puppy for the past couple of years...but once again, the timing just wasn't right...Tim had so many major surgeries last year on and on. But now that we have this sweet little bundle ...we couldn't be happier. He is a Doberman (with uncropped ears), 7 weeks old and a sweet little pudding. We just love him so. Tara dotes on him and he on her; he has been an incredibly warm and loving spirit to our family and we are ever so grateful. Oh...and his name is Maximus Jellybean Biko or Maxi for short!<br />
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And I am really excited about my art....the way it is freeing up and getting more looser and more whimsical...more emotional and experimental. I have no idea where it will lead....but I am allowing grace to carry me;<i> I don't need to know</i>! soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-72338265836820762272016-01-25T12:48:00.001-08:002016-01-25T19:09:16.819-08:00addicted to creating backgrounds, how my art is changing and the link between healing and creativity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been creating a ton of backgrounds these past few weeks...and having so much fun playing and experimenting...<i>I can barely stand it</i>!!! I have been using mixed media papers, bristol board as well as watercolor papers....they all cause different effects. I began using acrylic inks a few months ago and just can't get enough of them....their colors are so lush, rich and versatile it's amazing. First I make some random marks....using Posca markers or oil pastels...or whatever I have at hand. Then I lay down 2-3 different colors of acrylic inks and lay them out with water. I work very fast and intuitively at this stage....usually I have music playing or listening to audio books by Dr. Estes. I have to make sure I have a clean jar of water...with inks, the water muddies up really fast and I want to maintain the vibrancy of the colors. I also try to maintain some white spaces of the paper. I mean..<i>.if I remember.</i> Sometimes it all gets covered up so....just going with the flow. <br />
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Then....after it completely dries...I go over the page with additional layers of ink...maybe some oil pastels....maybe mix my acrylic inks with chalk paints. Basically I just play and experiment!!! Layers and layers later....posca markers, collage, stamps...whatever I feel like. <br />
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(WIP, mixed media)<br />
<b>" Let the cracks between things widen until they are no longer cracks but the new places for things." </b>-Colson Whitehead, Zone One <br />
And here is an image over one of my backgrounds. I feel a new energy and aesthetic emerging!!! I have been creatively stuck for the longest time. I mean....<i>ages and ages</i>. But what I am now realizing and experiencing is that there is a distinct connection between my healing and my creativity. As I become stronger and healthier...as I process more and more of my childhood traumas that have kept me frozen for so long....my creativity flows easier. As I begin to clear away old debris and false belief systems....as I begin to truly and deeply feel my feelings and remember those old buried away traumatic memories of abuse....my creativity flourishes. I am going to continue writing so much more about this as I heal and get healthier because there is still so much for me to learn, experience and discover. <br />
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And I am totally loving this new direction of my art that feels more playful, joyful and very strong and energetic. Can't wait to see where it all goes. <i>Happy creating!</i>soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-9785801194681923842016-01-19T13:33:00.004-08:002016-01-19T13:33:58.928-08:00Grace. My word for the year.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>"Let the cracks between things widen until they are no longer cracks but the new places for things."</b> -Colson Whitehead, Zone One<br />
2016 is different for me, somehow. I feel the cracks within me, all of that broken-ness that has inhabited my inside spaces...I feel it all widening up to hold new beliefs and ways of being. I feel an expansion of mySELF that is unshakable yet fluid. So many many times when I was very weak and broken, I allowed other people's stories to nourish and guide me. And I am ever so thankful because I don't know what I would have done without them. Their stories were lifelines that kept me from drowning and I most certainly wouldn't be the person I am today without them. And now that I feel strong enough...I have decided to give myself permission to be inspired by my own journey. I am allowing myself to look within, to recover parts of myself thrown away. To discover parts of myself that were long lost and buried. To create mySELF as I want. I actually get to do that!!! There is such freedom and peace in this knowledge...an absolute trust in the universe and self. <i>Grace. </i><br />
<b>" there are feelings.</b><br />
<b>you haven't felt yet.</b><br />
<b>give them time.</b><br />
<b>they are almost here.</b><br />
<b>-fresh" </b>-Nayyirah Waheed, Saltsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-30682559679588174192016-01-13T09:56:00.003-08:002016-01-14T04:23:51.157-08:00acrylic inks!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've totally been digging acrylic inks lately...I just can't get enough of the gorgeous lush colors!! I've been using Liquitex, Dr. PH Martins and Ranger re-inkers. Here are the reasons I love them:<br />
*they invite me to play...you simply can't <i>NOT </i>experiment and play with them! I mean..<i>.it's impossible!</i> Nor can you plan things out...it's very intuitive...the colors I use, where I place them etc.<br />
* totally compatible with all other media from oil pastels to collage to chalk paints etc.<br />
* works with multi tasking...I can apply some inks and let them dry for an hour or two while I attend to something else and when I come back...ready for the next layer.<br />
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*the colors are so rich and lush...saturated and dreamy. LOVE!!<br />
*not terribly expensive...and a little goes a long way.<br />
*I can layer white tissue paper over the inks to mute the colors and designs but they still show through...creating really interesting textures and color variations. <br />
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Love adding my Posca markers and Derwent Inktense blocks over top of they inks...I can mix it in when still wet or layer over top after the inks have dried.<i> So versatile</i>!<br />
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<b>Happy creating, friends!!</b>soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-39336154969036914682015-12-31T10:39:00.001-08:002016-01-13T10:03:08.386-08:002015 year in review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear 2015..<i>.you were a roller coaster of a year for me!</i>!!! Looking back on this year, I can't help but gasp and marvel at the ups and downs, the twists and turns and all the unexpected joys and sorrows that you contained. Through it all, though, I received so many gifts of growth, transformations, letting go, discoveries and so much more! Boy...but were you ever difficult!! The entire year, I only wrote 4-5 blog posts...I simply had to extend myself some grace and let some things go. *Note to self* It's totally okay to do that sometimes!<br />
The year began with Tim having not one, but 2 major surgeries. It was an extremely difficult time for our little family. We tried to keep things as normal and routine for Tara as we could but she simply couldn't understand why daddy was sick. Lots of talks with her, answering her questions, listening, listening, listening...hugs and comforting and validating and loving. And Tim, while he has the fortitude of a warrior...struggled through his surgeries as well. There were ups and down and all the usual emotions that accompany loss of health. As for me...my mantra became <i>self care, self care, self care.</i> And that was the only way I was able to hold everything together.<br />
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Tara turned 6 in January and wow!!! did she ever grow up!! Almost overnight...it seemed that she became a big girl. She wanted to pick out her own clothes, redecorate her room and make more decisions. And she grew like a weed to boot! She bloomed and blossomed and changed daily...I had trouble keeping up. So very proud of my girl...and just when I think I can't possibly love her one ounce more...I surprise myself!<br />
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As for me...2015 brought me my own healing.I began therapy last year to finally confront and deal with my abusive and dysfunctional childhood...the layers and layers of denial, lies, abuse...on and on and on; it never seemed to end.The more I uncovered...the more there was to uncover and just when I thought...there can't possibly be any more crap for me unearth....<i>there was!</i>!!</div>
Earlier this year, I wrote this on my FB page:<b> </b><br />
<b>"Been writing pages and pages and pages lately...working through huge
webs and layers of lies + deceit that I had been taught to believe in
my childhood. Not only generational and cultural lies/false
beliefs...but also "Family of Origin" lies. Examining my many survival
programs I had to adopt...that have served me well as a child but are
counter-productive now. It has been staggering + cathartic +
draining...and I have only just begun! But learning to validate mySELF,
my experiences and my truth...taking responsibility + ownership for my
healing process. And every tiny little step leads me to
another...slightly larger expansion + letting go." </b><br />
And what
it's really about is this right here...<i>Dismantling False Belief Systems</i>.
When you grow up in a very toxic, abusive and dysfunctional "family" of
origin (as I did) then you learn to accept the unacceptable. As a
child, you have no frame of reference, defense or perspective; you
simply accept the situations because, quite frankly, you have no other
choice. Well...tied in to all the dysfunction are false beliefs that all
build up on one another...a huge web of lies that form our belief systems. At first...it was overwhelming to untangle all these false beliefs...like a million balls of yarn that were all knotted up into one big mess that I had to sort through. But I kept at it and kept at it slowly and steadily and this is what I discovered: all these lies were built into one another...like a house of cards and once I began to dismantle a few of the huge ones...the rest fell away.I also learned that recovery is not an event, it's a (lifelong) process. I learned to trust mySELF, stand firm in truth, stop seeking external approval and most of all...I began a journey of self care.<br />
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Self care: <i>what exactly is that?? </i>I think we each have to
define what caring for the self means in a very personal and fluid way.
For me...it was really and truly listening to mySELF.
Paying attention to my needs...believing I even had the right to have
needs to begin with!! And then...asking for what I needed, trusting that
I would receive it, and knowing that I could meet my own needs. It
included keeping up with medical appointments, exercising and healthy
eating, resting, relaxing, playing, reading poetry out loud, investing
in myself and people who love me, starting a meditation practice,
mindfulness, setting boundaries. It meant letting go of false hopes, removing toxic people from my life and allowing people (myself included) to be who they are. Wow!!! It goes on and on and on in the most transformative and surprising ways! <br />
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And once Tara turned 6, she became more and more of a daddy's girl each day. Their relationship started changing and growing in entirely new directions that was so heartwarming for me to see. 2015 definitely brought these two closer in ways I never could have imagined. Imagine Tim playing dollhouse with Tara...making "tea" in her kitchen and ...<i>dress-up</i>!! All of a sudden they were two peas in a pod! Makes me happy to no end.<br />
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<span class="st"><span class="f"></span><b><i>You are a sea of light</i>. Open your eyes. See yourself. </b>~ <i>Nayyirah Waheed</i> </span></div>
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<b>"in our own ways</b></div>
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<b>we all break.</b></div>
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<b>it is okay</b></div>
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<b>to hold your heart outside your body</b></div>
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<b>-heal." </b>- Nayyirah Waheed </div>
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And 2015...you brought me to this moment right here where I truly feel that the Universe rose up to meet me exactly where I was in time and space. A large part of recovery work is grueling. Mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally draining; <i>it's difficult</i>! But I kept at it....even when I didn't want to, even when I felt I couldn't take one more step, even when it seemed impossible. I had made a commitment and promise to myself and I was going to keep it...through all the tears, frustrations, sufferings and acceptance of hard truths. For most of the year...it seemed that I was slogging away at healing and there was no progress, no change, no steps in any particular direction; it appeared thankless and futile. But then....all of a sudden...in November when we were in Mexico...I feel as I was given grace. I feel as if huge weights of toxic shame that was placed on me when I was a child....lifted. For the very first time in my life...I felt myself opening up to life in ways I never thought possible! I felt gifted, transformed and set free. Layers began peeling off and I deeply feel as if I turned a corner somehow. I felt more at peace than I ever have in my entire life...<i>grateful.</i></div>
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And in December...Tim had another major surgery! Things went well but we still went through all the highs and lows of surgery and stress. Tim has the most optimistic attitude of anyone I know...seriously...he even surprised the doctors and nurses! And while we had our rough spots for sure...we grew closer together as friends and as a couple. We began depending on each other in different ways and 2015 brought us the unexpected gift of our love and intimacy deepening in entirely new ways. And I couldn't be more proud of him for the way he's come out on the other end this year. Step by step...we leaned on each other and made it to the other side of through. Thankful for it all.<br />
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And 2015...you brought changes to my art...more playing, more experimenting, more trusting, letting go and whimsy. More stories and truthtelling and intuition...more layers and colors...more mystery. Less perfectionism, less in my mind and more in my heart. I can't wait to see what unfolds!</div>
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So...goodbye 2015...you were wildly life changing for me. You broke me down and put me back together again in new configurations I have yet to discover. You gave me answers to deeply held questions I have had my entire life and opened me up to new ways of being. I am thankful and grateful beyond belief. You showed me that gifts don't always come to us in neat little packages...sometimes they come storming in and tear our lives apart and grind us down to dust and then<i> wow</i>!!!! <i>Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.</i></div>
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xxx</div>
<br />soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-76872509246540121382015-12-15T05:34:00.001-08:002015-12-15T05:34:25.960-08:00published!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm over the moon to be published in the current Artists' Cafe magazine! <br />
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Friends...I wrote an article about the power of art journaling, sharing
our stories and standing in our truths. I have long believed in the
power of storytelling as medicine. When I was still in my teens, I began
art journaling before I even knew it was a thing. I simply began combining my
writing and drawing by accident and then discovered that it helped me. It was one of the tools I
unknowingly used to survive my dysfunctional and abusive "family"
of origin. There is an alchemy to combining our stories with art..<i>.it
is storytelling from the soul.</i> For me, it was a way to give voice to my
experiences...my journals were bearing witness to what I experienced. It was a safe refuge for me to process
some of the pain and to empower and validate my experiences.My earliest
art journals literally became my lifeline to truth and sanity.<br />
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This past year, as I have been entering a deeper phase of recovery, I once again find myself deeply drawn to the magic of art journaling. I hope you all have a chance to check out the article, friends...it's a 6 page spread where I completely pour out my heart and soul. soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-60624972555521767342015-12-08T11:18:00.002-08:002015-12-08T19:56:37.045-08:00some of my fave. art supplies!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been meaning to write this blog post for such a long time but never got around to it! Here goes.</div>
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* <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Derwent-Inktense-Blocks-Metal-2301979/dp/B00BJKBMS4">Derwent Inktense Blocks</a>. I tried these out for the first time about 6 months ago and instantly fell in love!!! What's not to like? The colors are rich and lush...you can use them wet or dry. I can mix them with water or with my oil pastels. I use them to draw or sketch and also to paint with. Totally versatile and portable. I mean...<i>serious magic</i>. </div>
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* <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Gelli-Arts-Printing-Plate-8X10/dp/B00CLALEJI">Gelli printing plate</a> ...I tried this out for the first time a few
months ago....and it opened up an entire world of possibilities!!
Totally invited creativity in! Bonus....<i>Tara loves it too!</i></div>
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* Waverly chalk paint. I actually saw these in the craft aisle in Walmart and decided to try out a bottle. <i>Whoa!!! </i>Instant love! These chalk paints come in about 7-8 different colors, have serious covering power, is opaque and provides an excellent ground for paint markers. They also mix well with other paints to create rich and varied tones. </div>
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* Dick Blick Matte acrylics ....super economical and comes in 101 different colors. They are opaque and rich. </div>
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* acrylic inks. Liquitex, FW or Dr PH Martin...I love all of them! They
give such intense colors and you can mix them with water or other
acrylics. I started off with a few bottles and now I can't get enough.</div>
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*<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Uni-posca-Paint-Marker-Pen-PC-5M15C/dp/B001ANVDMU"> Posca Acrylic Paint Markers</a>.<i> These markers are amazing</i>!!!! I wish I had known about them sooner but ever so glad I have them now. Really pop when I use them over the chalk paint!</div>
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* lokta paper. I just discovered these handmade Nepalese papers a few months ago and bought a few variety packs from Dick Blick.<i> Love love love!!</i></div>
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One of the things about trying out new art supplies is how it really allows me to let go, experiment and play. All so good for the creative process. </div>
soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-61745424663742936532015-12-03T12:17:00.000-08:002017-12-08T10:24:56.293-08:00road to recovery, gifts of grace and owning my stories<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "getting yourself together.</b><br />
<b>what about undoing yourself.</b><br />
<b>-the fix)</b> -Nayyirah Waheed , Salt<br />
Friends...I haven't written in my blog for some time (about 3 months)
because I simply had to gather myself. <i>Undo myself</i>...and then gather
myself back up again. That's how the road to recovery continues to be for me...not a
linear path but more so circular. A back and forth, sometimes stalling
and dead ends...lots of trial and errors and every now and
then...acceleration, respite, expansion. I have made it absolutely no
secret that I had a horribly abusive childhood...that I come from an
extremely toxic and dysfunctional FOO (made even more damaging by the
fact that it was portrayed as a loving family). One of the things about
abuse (especially childhood abuse) is that there are two main tools of control; one is
shame and the other is fear. But (in my own experience) shame is the one that stays the longest, that is the most powerful because long after the fear is gone....<i>shame still persists</i>. Toxic shame to be exact. As a child....when you are constantly
abused in every way...devalued and negated....when your experiences are
distorted and denied...you tend to internalize the shame and accept that
you were abused because you did something to deserve it. Of
course....our adult minds know this to be a false narrative but our
child selves...in trying to make sense of the abuse, accepts and
internalizes the blame as our own. And so we go forward in our lives carrying shame that is not ours to carry. This toxic shame prevented me from
speaking up for much of my life because even after I became an
adult...there was still a sense of shame regarding my abuse.And it was this all pervasive shame that kept me locked in disconnection, pain and self negation. And of course,<i> abusers want it this way!</i> Fear and shame once internalized prevents people from talking about their abuses, from standing in their truth and owning their stories. <br />
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<b>"in our own ways</b><br />
<b>we all break.</b><br />
<b>It is okay</b><br />
<b>to hold your heart outside your body</b><br />
<b>for days</b><br />
<b>months</b><br />
<b>years at a time.</b><br />
<b>-heal."</b> -Nayyirah Waheed, Salt<br />
But I feel that all the work I have done in recovery this past year has led me to this place right here when I can really look at the toxic shame that was instilled in me and let it go. It's not mine to carry. I can simply...<i>let it go</i>. This realization has freed me, it has brought me to tears and a place of peace and understanding that has evaded me my entire life. I feel as if the Universe has risen up to meet me where I am...and I feel so much gratitude for this gift of grace. So much more to come, friends. So much more to come. xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-47534827641443158692015-08-01T22:32:00.000-07:002015-08-03T14:29:30.191-07:00on extending my(SELF) some grace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "I do not understand the mystery of grace-only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us."</b> -Anne Lamott<br />
I haven't been here at my blog in forever it seems. This year has been difficult in so many many ways but (as usually seems the case) has also gifted me with tremendous growth. I feel stronger, healthier, more sure of myself. I am carving out a new life for myself and, more importantly, I am setting intentions on what I want my life to look like.<i> Powerful heady stuff</i>!! I have been painting up a storm...experimenting and playing and trying out new techniques and art supplies. I am currently taking a class called <a href="https://www.alenahennessy.com/shop/online-courses/a-year-of-painting/">A Year of Painting</a> by phenomenal, totally awesome (and way too cute) boho free spirited artist <a href="http://www.alenahennessy.com/">Alena Hennessy</a>. Loving it every step of the way and am ever so grateful that I was gifted this wonderful opportunity. Letting loose, letting go and stepping into possibilities. Feels so good...I can't even begin to articulate. And so I find myself in a very different place than I was just a few short months ago.<i> Grace.</i><br />
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Also...I have been immersing myself in poetry...<i>oh my</i>!!! I usually have a stack of books that are heavy and serious and...quite necessary for me to heal and recover. But about a month ago I decided to switch over to reading only poetry. Maybe for the rest of the summer or...maybe for the rest of the year...who knows?? I discovered <a href="http://www.alenahennessy.com/">Rupi Kaur</a> and she broke my heart wide open with her truthtelling, her way with words. How she gives both gravity and flight to her emotions.<br />
"sometimes<br />
the apology<br />
never comes<br />
when it is wanted<br />
and when it comes<br />
it is neither wanted<br />
or needed<br />
-<i>you are too late</i>" -Rupi Kaur <br />
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And we did a bit of traveling...up to the Pacific Northwest...which is so stunningly beautiful I could only be humbled and <i>awestruck</i>... in the truest sense of the word. The trees are giants reaching up to the stars and skies, the waters are vast and ever changing...bursting with life. And this pic right here is Granville Island, Vancouver. I lived here for a year in my late twenties and it was really powerful to see how much my life and SELF have changed from that time. I loved showing Tim and Tara around. So much changes and yet...so much stays the same.<i> Life.</i><br />
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And this sweet girl, this sweet girl...<i>this sweet girl right here</i>!!! How she is growing and blooming and changing right before my very eyes. I'm just trying to take it all in and be present to the joy and playfulness and ...magnificence of it all. She is the heart of our world. <i>Cherished.</i><br />
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And I have really been actively extending myself some grace. Standing more and more in my truth, feet planted firmly on the ground while I reach for the deepest parts of me. Moving more and more away from fear and deeper and deeper into faith. <i>Grateful. </i><br />
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<b>"the world</b><br />
<b>gives you</b><br />
<b>so much pain</b><br />
<b>and here you are</b><br />
<b>making gold out of it</b><br />
<b>-<i>there is nothing purer than that</i>"</b> -Rupi Kaursoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-72863063919794296822015-05-21T04:05:00.002-07:002015-08-01T21:34:08.753-07:00Journal Addict!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><i> </i></b><span style="color: black;"><b>"One of the best-kept secrets in this technically oriented culture is that simply speaking truth heals." - </b> Rachel Remen, M.D.<b></b></span><br />
<i> I love art journaling!! </i>Always have. But lately, I have been <i>obsessing </i>over it, getting up in the (very) early hours of the morning to work on my pages. With no rhyme or reason...working on new and old pages as my heart and soul dictate...art journaling has been consuming me full time. I think because I have been working so hard at recovery lately...spilling all my thoughts, feelings and images onto these pages is a natural extension of that. And for some reason...as soon as I open my journal and start working...my inner critic gets kicked to the curb;!<i> Brilliant!! </i>Also...I love the small pages, the "no rules" mindset and combining text and image. <i>And it has been so cathartic!!</i> There is magic...<i>alchemy</i>...healing that emerges from art journaling...<i>storytelling from the soul. </i> <br />
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Now for some practical matters...you can use almost any book for art journaling. Recycled ones (I love buying used books and gluing the pages together to form a sturdy surface, applying gesso and collage and then going to town!), you can make a book yourself (love watercolor pages cut to size) ...the options are endless. I prefer a book without too many pages...it seems less daunting that way. And I tend to like to name each of my journals. It works for me because they represent a certain theme or time period but one of the beauties of (art) journaling is that anything goes. <br />
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And I have recently tried out these <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Derwent-Inktense-Blocks-Metal-2300442/dp/B004QQ5I06">Derwent Ink Blocks</a> which I love and adore. There are so many different ways to use them (water soluble and can mix with oils!), rich colors and gorgeous tones. A whole other blog post on my fave. art supplies coming up!! soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-41223650952298881742015-05-11T10:13:00.002-07:002015-05-12T10:40:34.344-07:00owning my story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”- </b>Dr. Brene Brown<b></b><br />
I gave birth to my daughter the same month I turned 40...entirely unprepared for the mothering journey. While I loved Tara so fully and deeply and w(holy) the instant I saw her...I had no map of how to be mother. Or, I should say, the map I did have was entirely wrong. Or maybe I should say that I had 2 maps!! Very confusing...I know...even for me! I come from an <i>extremely</i> abusive/toxic/dysfunctional childhood and while I did quite a bit of healing work in my early 30's...it wasn't nearly enough to prepare me to mother my daughter. My "father" (and I use that term very loosely...was not my biological father nor a parent in any sense of the word) was horribly abusive, an alcoholic, a rage-aholic and an authoritarian; a patriarch in the absolute worst sense. My "mother" had a "collapsed psyche and personality" (my own definition) and was most definitely not interested in being a mother, only pretending to be so. She was cold, equally abusive, and more invested in appearances and what others thought of her. So...I grew up in a "family" that was so thoroughly invested in lies and denial, in pretense and facades...in caring about appearances; it was like growing up in a house of mirrors where nothing was as it seemed but <i>everyone pretended </i>it was. Kind of like the Emperor's New Clothes. And these were lies that everyone knew about...<i>but no-one spoke about. </i>And there was always a tremendous amount of fear.<i> Fear fear fear. </i>Fear about speaking the truth, fear about saying or doing the wrong thing (this was arbitrary, of course because <i>anything</i> could have been the wrong thing depending on 101 different things). My childhood was all about<i> survival. </i><br />
So one of the huge tasks I had at hand was to identify my false belief systems; the lies I had been taught from such an early age. Foundational truths such as love, family, loyalty, respect etc etc...all had to be carefully looked over and I had to carefully discern whether it was truth or not. I had other monumental tasks also...setting healthy boundaries, self care, truth telling and honesty, processing my feelings and figuring out what the heck a healthy relationship looked like. Recovery was (and is) overwhelming. It's a process that I began when I turned 30 and continues to this day. <br />
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But...<i>here's the thing.</i>..this beautiful, sweet lady over here gave me another map on how to mother; and I didn't even fully realize it until I, myself, became a mom. Her name was Sophie...and she was our maid/nanny for my entire childhood until we immigrated to Canada. Under apartheid South Africa this was quite common and while my adult self looks at the horrible inequality and inhumanity of the entire set up...my child self rejoiced. This lady right here saved me..<i>.entirely and utterly saved me!! </i>She loved me with her entire being and I loved her right back. She carried me on her back (like most African mothers do), she treated me with care, value and kindness. While she couldn't read or write, she was fully literate in the languages of love, humanity, reciprocity, validation, communication. She would tell me all sorts stories teaching me along the way and passing down the singing of songs, the loving of earth, the wisdom of her mothers. She taught me about the things that truly mattered in life. She was humble and true. I used to creep out of bed in the middle of the night to go and sleep with her, I used to want to spend every spare moment with her...just being in the presence of her warmth and love. She was manna from the heavens and she saved me. The absolute most terrible part of leaving S. Africa was leaving her. The absolute worst part of my teen years of enduring the physical/mental and psychological violence from my "parents"; their cruelty ...was not having Sophie with me. Those were the absolute worst years but her love sustained me; the seeds she had planted, while dormant, <i>were still there</i>. <br />
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And after I, myself, became a mother...those seeds started to blossom and bloom and grow and thrive. Most of the time...it just kind of happened ...I didn't consciously think about it. But other times...I had to agonize over the decision...second and third guessing myself until i felt quesy. When Tara was about 3 weeks old...I discovered the Moby wrap...a most amazing piece of fabric that I could carry Tara around in...<i>and I did!</i>!! I literally didn't put her down...and she was the absolute happiest baby <i>ever ever ever</i>. And I was the happiest mommy<i> ever ever ever</i>. I decided to listen to my intuition instead of all the buzz and noise around me. I decided to follow my heart and tend to the needs of my baby. I decided to throw out so much of what I was raised with (culturally as well as personally) and forge a different path. I decided to set healthy boundaries (and sometimes...walls when necessary). Not that any of it was easy because of course, I made mistakes. I stumbled and fell and utterly failed at times. But I always got back up...I always tried some more. I struggled with the questions and then struggled some more with the answers. But through it all...I loved my daughter with a fierceness and tenderness I never knew possible. I instantly became so vulnerable and while it scared the crap out of me...I relished in it too. And along the way of mothering my daughter, I had to mother myself also. I had to extend kindness, compassion....grace...to mySELF. I had to make a full commitment to recovery and healing mySELF. Now...instead of looking at how far I have to go...I marvel and honor how far I have come. Now I can forgive myself...I can be gentle with myself, I can celebrate my strengths whist also acknowledging my weaknesses. And so we have grown together, my daughter and I. I can truly say that my daughter birthed me as much as, <i>probably more so</i>, I birthed her. And as I navigate my mothering journey...I am learning to trust mySELF more and more. I am learning to lean into "what feels right" rather than what I "should" be doing. I am leaning into my inner wisdom knowing that kindness wins the day. Knowing that Tara teaches me just as much (more so even) than what I teach her. Knowing that change is inevitable. So that I can be the mother to my girl that I never had...but so desperately needed. All the while...simply being grateful that I get to have her in my life...that I get to love this sweet girl all whilst guiding her on her own life's journey.<br />
*This is a small part of my story...but as I heal and strengthen my voice...I will be sharing more. Learning to trust myself and the process and send things out into the world imperfect(ly) and all. xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-78463563800348779992015-05-08T09:05:00.000-07:002015-05-09T17:54:25.197-07:00my girl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My girl is growing up so so fast...truly..<i>.too fast for my liking!</i> We took her to Disney World for her 6th birthday and as I look back on all these years gone by...I am amazed at the person she is! While I miss her baby years...<i>of course!!</i>!...sweet baby smells and carrying her around and taking baths with her <i>and and and</i>. But I also relish in the<i><b> NOW</b></i> of her. She is energetic, sassy, strong willed, incredibly smart and sweet and ...just an amazing little kid. She asks 10 million questions and I try to answer them as best as I can. We have long conversations about everything. She tells me all the stuff that's important to her (tooth fairies, princesses, trees, her friends, ice cream) and I listen and marvel. Nothing makes me happier than seeing her eyes light up, a huge smile spreading over her gorgeous face...hearing her laugh. Watching her grow and bloom and blossom is a true privilege for me. All the more because I gave birth at the age of 40..<i>.she is a gift. </i>Not that mothering has been easy for me; it actually has been incredibly difficult in a myriad of ways. I have made so many mistakes along the way and what I am just now discovering is this: the very best thing I can do is to heal myself. To practice self love...to forgive myself as often as necessary. To be self compassionate. To really and truly be kind to myself and to be very clear about what that entails (for me). To be <i>absolutely truthful</i> with myself. To offer my<i>SELF</i> some grace when I stumble and fall as I inevitable will. Practicing all of these things will inevitably make me a healthier, stronger human/mother/wife/friend/artist/writer etc. <br />
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And here is my sweet girl...very independent and self assured...wanting to navigate the world on her own terms. So many many times...<i>she teaches me</i>. And I am grateful for the lessons and for the opportunity to fully love. soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-28226504825057998082015-05-02T10:46:00.000-07:002015-05-02T10:46:14.503-07:00unplugged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear friends...I haven't been here at my blog for awhile...I have so much to write about...but life has been happening at lightning speed despite my best intentions to cultivate mindfulness. Tim had two major surgeries this year and while everything went really well...recovery has been...well..<i>.recovery. </i>And while I can focus on all the things we have learned from the process...because we have learned a ton... (like being grateful for our health, making more time for love and laughter and presence)...the truth is...<i>surgeries suck</i>. Big time. Being sick, chronic pain, fear of the unknown, our bodies not functioning as they once did...all of that..<i>.sucks. </i>It's just really difficult. But we are (mostly) on the other side of through. Plus...I have been in recovery too...a whole other blog post on this one of these days plus...parenting and homework and painting and all of that thrown into the mix. As you can see...<i>overwhelm. </i></div>
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So...these past couple of weeks we have been unplugging. Doing a whole lot of building sandcastles, watching sunsets, drinking lemonade, barefoot living, collecting seashells and living at the beach. We so desperately needed this! Of course...I forgot to pack most of my stuff...for some strange reason I left all my electronics at home, the camera malfunctioned halfway through our trip. I even forgot most of my make-up. At first I panicked...but then I realized... <i>I really didn't need all that much</i>. My sunglasses, a few mags and a book...a swimsuit...totally okay with that. <i>Completely unplugged. </i><br />
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And for some reason...this Bob Marley song keeps playing in my head..."Don't worry...about a thing. Every little thing...is gonna' be alright. Woke up this morning...to the rising sun. Three little birds beside my doorstep. Don't worry...about a thing." Something like that. soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-17098613991585356972015-03-07T08:24:00.003-08:002015-03-07T08:26:11.905-08:00In Honor of Sister Audre...International Women's Day 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my
vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."</b> -Audre Lorde<b></b><br />
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<b> "The fact that we are here and that I speak these words is an attempt to
break that silence and bridge some of those differences between us, for
it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so
many silences to be broken."</b>- Audre Lorde , The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action <br />
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<b>"I write for those women who do not
speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified,
because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been
taught that silence would save us, but it won't."</b> -Audre Lorde<br />
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<b> “The language by which we have been taught to dismiss ourselves and our
feelings as suspect is the same language we use to dismiss and suspect
each other.” </b>-Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider</div>
<b>"You cannot, you cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your
own. And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe that
you have it.”</b>-<i>I Am Your Sister: Collected and Unpublished Writings of Audre Lorde</i><br />
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<b><i> </i>"For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for
language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final
luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us." </b>-Audre
Lorde<br />
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<b>“The
strongest lesson I can teach my son is the same lesson I teach my
daughter: how to be who he wishes to be for himself. And the best way I
can do this is to be who I am and hope that he will learn from this not
how to be me, which is not possible, but how to be himself. And this
means how to move to that voice from within himself, rather than to
those raucous, persuasive, or threatening voices from outside,
pressuring him to be what the world wants him to be.”</b> -Man Child: A
Black Lesbian Feminist’s Response, -Audre Lorde<br />
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<b> “To search for power within myself means I must be willing to move through being afraid to whatever lies beyond.”</b>-Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider<br />
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<b> "I am my best work-a series of road maps, reports, doodles and prayers from the front lines." </b>-Audre Lorde<br />
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I remember the very first time I came across Audre Lorde's writings...I was 19 years old, sitting in my Women Studies class...when I first started reading her words. <i>They saved my life!!</i> Her writings literally saved my life!! There I was, a very broken girl pretending to be not broken. There I was floundering and flailing...so very wounded and unsure of myself. There I was...an emotional holocaust. I had survived my extremely abusive and toxic childhood and "family" of origin...and running survival programs that traumatized children have to. I ended up taking my first Women Studies class by accident...just because the Psychology class I really wanted to take was full and this just happened to fit into my schedule kind of thing. But it was her writings that gave me strength and fuel..<i>.fire!!</i> I held on for dear life to her words because they were my lifeline to a different world...a world where I could be self determining, a world where my gender would not oppress me and stifle me and put me in a box so tight I couldn't breathe. A world where I was not defined by abuse and trauma. Because she defined herself from divergent perspectives ..."a black
feminist lesbian mother poet" is how she described herself...she gave me a way to do that myself. My identity could encompass all of my experiences...I didn't have to be defined by what made others feels safe and comfortable..<i>.I could contain multitudes</i>. I could speak my truth even though I was deeply afraid. Her writings gave me wings and hope; a road map to my own innate power. Her work literally saved me, loved me, empowered me and lit a light within me. How I devoured her writings throughout my life from that day on...memorized parts of her books and tucked them away in my heart...to be used as a soothing balm...over and over and over again. <br />
With honor and deepest respect...dear Sister Audre..<i>.thank you! <b> </b></i><br />
<b> International Women's Day 2015...lets make it happen!!</b>soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-71467838046649436682015-02-02T12:37:00.001-08:002015-02-02T12:37:31.118-08:00dear Life...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Dear Life</i>...how you continue to surprise me!! This past month you have been full of unexpectedness, mayhem and lots of serious joy squished in. The year started off with various strains of flu bugs, a serious (but not life threatening) medical emergency with Tim and Tara turning 6. <i>Dear Life, </i>recently you have ushered in gifts of patience, fortitude and self care. <i>Dear Life.</i>..As I sit here this sunny morning...I am ready to unwrap all you have to offer. I feel brave enough (even temporarily) to rise up and meet you. </div>
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<i>Dear Life</i>...I am so very grateful for Tim...the partnership we have...our friendship and leaning on each other in different ways. Marriage has been so good<i> to </i>me and<i> for </i>me. The growing up, the vulnerability, the trust and friendship we continue to build with each step.<i> </i>This deepening of our relationship has taken me by surprise; the ways we meet in love and familiarity. </div>
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<i>Dear Life</i>...My girl turned 6 yesterday...and she is a complete joy. All of her spunk + sassiness, her sparkle + shine...she is growing in leaps and bounds and inspiring me to do the same. She is brimming with spirit! I remember the moment I first set eyes on her like it was yesterday...and all those countless moments after...when I simply couldn't believe that I get to be her mom. How really, <i>she was the one who birthed me</i> and not the other way around. How she makes me want to be a better person...kinder, more authentic, more patient. She leads me, teaches me, inspires me. Grateful for this sweetness. </div>
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<i>Dear Life..</i>.I am so ready to break down the walls of silence that have kept me trapped all these many many years. I am so ready to leap into joy, truthtelling, courage and compassion. I am ready!!! xxx</div>
soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-61067858977706624632014-12-24T07:51:00.004-08:002014-12-24T07:51:51.967-08:00around here lately...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground; there are a thousand ways to go home again."</b> -Rumi<br />
Been trying to focus on the light these days...I have been making a conscious effort to be present to all the goodness while still making space for truth. Trying to make my way back home...to self, to joy, to love, to light. Wishing you all a happy holiday season filled with everything that lights up your heart. <br />
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xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-49988490273500691422014-12-12T11:17:00.001-08:002014-12-12T12:32:57.916-08:00"I can't breathe"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i><b><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (a watercolor portrait I painted of Tim a few years ago-a birthday gift)</span></span></b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i>In light of the recent events right here in America-the no indictment rulings in both Ferguson + Staten Island as well as the state sanctioned murder of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shooting_of_Tamir_Rice">Tamir Rice </a>-I am writing this post. I have no platitudes to offer, no wise and poetic quote or words strung together like so many empty promises. What I have is the crystallization of fury, heartbroken cries of pain..<i>.bitterness. I have fallen into an abyss of despair.</i> <b>"I can't breathe."</b><br />
I have struggled these past many weeks to<i> not</i> allow hate + blind rage to conquer pieces of my heart...and I have failed as many times. The recent string of high profile killings of African American (mostly) males (too numerous to mention) has seemed to bring out the best + worst in us. There are people who think that talking about race equals racism, there are people who think that avoiding talking about these social (in)justice issues is the best way to navigate these dangerous waters...and there are those who think that none of this has anything <i>at all </i>to do with race. It makes people uncomfortable...all this talking about race. And sometimes...their discomfort turns to fear + anger. There has been so much victim blaming, vitriol...and sheer hate + ignorance...it has left me gasping for air.<b> "I can't breathe."</b><br />
And so now...I am trying to piece together a way forward for my family. How do I raise my daughter to be a proud American while still educating her about the reality that her life simply is not worth the same in these here United States? How do I clap + cheer and have my heart bursting with pride as Tara recites the Pledge of Allegiance...while having another part of my heart completely shatter to pieces? How do I try to encourage my husband when he talks to me about how, all his life, he's played by the rules whilst knowing..<i>.that the rules don't apply to him? </i>How to I still my fear that, at anytime we are out in public...he may be the target of unfounded fear + hate? Sure...he's a United States Marine, an Officer at that...but also... a large Black man. I don't have the privilege + luxury of allowing complacency + silence to seduce me. Sometimes..<i>.I wish I did.</i>..it seems so much easier.<i> But...is it? </i>There are so many great books + articles written on the systemic issues of racism, on the confluence of societal and personal beliefs and biases that is deeply rooted in America<i>, </i>on race as social construct...on and on. But can any one of those books explain why a police officer would gun down a 12 year old child and then refuse him first aid as he lays there dying? Can any book explain what Tamir Rice must have experienced as he lay there wounded....gasping for air? Are enough of us in this society okay with this to allow it to go unchecked...<i>business as usual. </i><b>"I can't breathe"</b><br />
My<a href="http://singingbirdartist.wordpress.com/"> sweet friend</a> from across the pond sent me an e-mail the other day...and her deeply profound words of wisdom and heartfelt compassion + understanding gave me so much comfort. I want to share some of her message here<br />
<b>"...keep lighting the candles and making the art and telling
the stories and showing Tara the truth that it is hard to be a loving,
giving, heartfelt soul-true person in this messed up world, but we stay
true to our dreams and do what we can, and allow ourselves time out from
what we cannot do, but always leave a corner for hope and the universe
to be bigger than us and humanity to have more answers than we can
individually find, and to honor the answers we do find... and to make
community whenever and wherever we can...</b><br />
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<b>including across the sea, with friends we meet on wings ;)"</b><br />
Thank you sweet lady Dee, and to all the other kindnesses + community I have received these past few weeks; it has made a profound difference. xxx <b><br /></b></div>
soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-10463552597574278562014-11-17T13:00:00.002-08:002014-11-17T17:12:07.119-08:00transformations + embracing our "beautiful mess" (notes from the journey)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> “As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. <i>Jump. </i>It’s not as wide as you think.”</b><br />
<b> - </b>Joseph Campbell<br />
There have been transformations happening over here...budding changes that are happening in the tiniest of ways; and I am trusting my process<b><i> wholeheartedly</i></b>. With surrender + faith (my 2 words for the year, can you believe?). I used to be so frustrated and dejected that changes weren't happening faster...that I seemed to be doing everything I was "supposed" to do...but now I am stepping into my own rhythm of healing which occurs at our own pace. I have been writing pages + pages and pages...(amounting to books, really) and am really going way back deep into the recesses of my childhood. I am examining the lies upon lies upon lies...layers of deceit and transgressions and starting to truly bring them to the light. Questioning not only "Family of Origin" lies but cultural and multi-generational ones too. And it has been cathartic and exhausting and revealing ...<i>and I've only just begun!!!</i> It's a huge tangled mess that has depended on complacency, denial and feigned or real ignorance for it's very survival. And I am validating my experiences...<i>the staggering damages that were incurred.</i> I am examining my (false) survival programs/belief systems (otherwise known as fears, insecurities + shame) that I so desperately needed in childhood...but which now, no longer serve me in any way;<i> they need to be brought to light also</i>. I realize that I own my stories, my experiences, my journey...<i>and I am going to claim it. </i>Fully...wholeheartedly, with truth, compassion and self love. And what I am discovering is that each tiny act of courage leads to an expansion of self and acts of synchronicity that I am ever so grateful for.<br />
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I'm also beginning to realize that I don't have to "have everything together"..<i>.who does???</i>:) But I am starting to truly "get this" on a deeper level. Not even striving for balance..<i>.but going with the flow.</i> Not obsessing about whether things will be coherent ...but accepting that it's okay to be a "beautiful mess". In fact...as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently talks about<a href="http://here./">.</a><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/13/elizabeth-gilbert-life-you-want_n_6148472.html">here</a>..actually embracing my "beautiful mess"..<i><b>.celebrating it!!!</b> Deep breath to that empowering point of view:) </i>*See what I mean about really small shifts in perspectives = <i>ginormous </i>transformations??? Now that I have stopped chasing "balance" I have more energy to be present. Now that have stopped seeking things externally ...I can make the inner journey. <i>Huge, huge and</i> <i>huge.</i>..makes me feel so filled with joy, I can't stop smiling:) </div>
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<b> "Now I become myself. It's taken time, many years and places..."</b><br />
-May Sarton<br />
As much as I have been excavating truth ...I have also been practicing self care. <i>So so important..</i>.focusing on things that strengthen me, fill me up with joy and connect me to my deeper self. Long photo walks (by myself or with Tara), painting, doll-making, juicing, journaling, yoga, reading poetry, practicing..<i>.being-ness. </i>And the best part about self-care<i>...(besides the fact that it feels so good) </i>is that not only do I reap the benefits but everyone in my life does too. And Tara is learning , by example, the importance of caring for the self. <i>Win/win/win. </i><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><b>“The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”</b> ~ Nietszche</span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> </span> More soon! xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-36190506203341651982014-11-04T09:27:00.000-08:002014-11-04T12:25:09.984-08:00notes from the journey...2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still it will find you. It has been waiting for you for a long time."</b> -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Women-Wolves-Clarissa-Pinkola-Est%C3%A9s/dp/0345409876">WWRWTW</a>)<br />
My healing journey has been unfolding at it's own pace...often taking me to places I prefer not to go...but desperately need to. Where are these places? These places are dark and shrouded in secrecy...my childhood, my past, mySELF. It's taking me to truth...to seeing <i>(really seeing</i>) things <i>as they truly are</i>...not as I would have liked them to be, not as I was told they were...but truth...raw and real has left me wanting to crawl back into the darkness. But the funny thing is...once you initiate the journey to truth...you can't turn back; you can't "<i>un-see</i>" what you see or "<i>un-know</i>" what you know. And another "funny" thing is...they are things you have always deep down known...but decided to hide from yourSELF. Either because you had to in order to physically and psychologically survive your environment...or because it was simply too painful to bring out into the light. But we know...<i>we deep down know. </i>Our body knows, our intuition knows...our very being simply knows. And trusting our<i><b>SELVES </b></i>with what we know is often a first step in healing and empowerment. Deeply listening, honoring and giving voice to our experiences can be the first step to healing. <br />
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<b> “We are not what happened to us, <br />we are what we wish to become.”-</b> C.G. Jung<b><br /></b><br />
<b> </b> And so, right now, my healing journey has taken me to confronting my shadow. It's difficult and...I don't want to do it. Truthfully..<i>.it terrifies me.</i> Which is why I know...this is exactly what I need to be doing. I came across this fearlessly authentic book where Alyce Barry talks (with so much detailed honesty) about her own journey...and it has given me courage to do this work also. It's difficult...and I want to give up every step of the way. <i>Which is exactly why, I deep down know... I must not. </i><br />
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<b>"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."</b><br />
-Walt Whitman<br />
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<b> "I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. </b><br />
<b>I want to be light and frolicsome.</b><br />
<b>I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing, </b><br />
<b>as though I had wings."</b><br />
Mary Oliver<br />
And the very best reasons that keep me moving forward, inward and toward the light? <i>Right here, right here...right here. </i><br />
<i>xxx</i>soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-17239442002842097402014-10-18T18:46:00.002-07:002014-10-18T18:58:02.135-07:00around here lately...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is my latest <a href="http://danielledaniel.com/classes/">Painted Paper Doll</a> in the making and you guys, I simply can't explain how absolutely wonderful this class is...not only for my creativity and painting...<i>but for my soul. </i>I can just see myself making so many of these beautiful dolls because each one has her very own personality...her very own story to share. And I have no idea how they are going to turn out...only that each one is just so special. This lady right here is coming together in the most delightful way...<i>swoon. </i>I can't thank the wonderful Danielle Daniel enough for sharing her gifts with us in this class. <br />
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And we've been making time for play, self care and reflection over here. Reading, journaling, photowalks, tea drinking and practicing mindfulness are priorities. That and exercise, drinking water + going to bed early:) I find that when I fit in 15-20 mins. throughout the day for self care...everything just goes more smoothly. And the best part??? <i>I don't feel guilty for taking some time for myself anymore! </i></div>
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<i>I love to cook!</i> I adore cookbooks, shopping for exotic spices and international cuisine. Just the thought of saffron, cardamom and smoked serrano chilli power make me a little giddy with joy. But after becoming a mom...I just didn't have as much time to devote to cooking . But now that Tara is in school...I prepare the difficult stuff and then get her to help me with the easier parts when she gets home. Not only does she love being my little kitchen helper...but she's also more likely to want to eat the food she cooks!!! <i>Win/win. </i>And I recently read up on<i> everyday gourmet</i>...where just a few unexpected items (lime, Saigon cinnamon or a splash of vanilla) can turn ordinary into..<i>.zing! </i>Everyday gourmet is really a mindset...where even the most simple dish can be turned into something fab. <i>Loving this concept!</i></div>
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The outdoors is simply spectacular this time of year over here...the trees are ablaze in washes of orange, reds and golds. The mountains stand guard around us lofty...and grand. And the skies are ever moody in dark grays and smoky blues. Colorado in the fall is gorgeous and reminds me so much of Alberta...especially Banff. </div>
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This is Tara's reading nook...and if I could fit in this cozy space...I would pretty much live here!! She loves perusing through her books or writing me or Tim love notes...<i>swoon. </i>A lot of big girl changes to her bedroom...gone are the days when I could decorate to my heart's content. She has very definite ideas of the way she wants things. All part of her growing up, gaining some independence and wanting to make her space her own. So proud of my girl. </div>
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Tim and I have been making time for date nights once or twice a week. Just some time when we can get out of mommy/daddy mode and connect about our days and dreams. Where we can chat and laugh and have a glass of wine. So look forward to these evenings. <br />
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Tara loves these Feelings Flashcards by Todd Parr<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Todd-Parr-Feelings-Flash-Cards/dp/0811871452"> right here</a>. There are so many new (and often overwhelming) experiences for her since starting school...and these cards are so helpful in getting her to open up about her emotional world. We love the simple, delightful and colorful illustrations; they have made such a huge difference! Can't recommend them enough. <br />
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And this is my sweet girl the other day...early in the morning right before going off to school. She is full of sass and pizazz and giggles. She loves to do math, tell stories and oh!...<i>simply be adorable</i>:) I can't believe that she will turn 6 in a few months...savoring these moments.<i> All of them.</i> And that's some of our life around here lately. xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-76639933047068937892014-10-13T20:58:00.001-07:002014-10-14T08:45:20.469-07:00synchronocity, painted paper dolls and a life made by hand: some ramblings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b> "When women reassert their relationship with the wildish nature, they are gifted with a permanent and internal watcher, a knower, a visionary, an oracle, an inspiratrice, an intuitive, a maker, a creator, an inventor, and a listener who guide, suggest and urge vibrant life in the inner and outer life."</b> -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes</div>
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When the awesome + talented <a href="http://danielledaniel.com/">Danielle Daniel </a>offered her<a href="http://danielledaniel.com/classes/"> Painted Paper Doll </a>class I immediately knew that I had to take it; <i>it simply spoke to my soul</i>. It wasn't because it would help my art or creativity or any of that..<i>.it simply called out to my soul and I listened.</i> It was a little intimidating to think of venturing into papier mache...I had never done it before and it's totally out of my realm of experience. I had seen her impossibly sweet + precious little dolls and swooned over them but thought..<i>.impossible!</i>!! I can't do that! But I signed up anyway. Okay...so here's the story of what happened. Her class started last Monday and just the day before I had picked up Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes audio tape of <a href="http://www.soundstrue.com/shop/The-Red-Shoes/775.pd">The Red Shoes</a> from the library. As I sat to make my doll at my studio table...I listened to Dr. Estes talk about recovery of the soul and a "life made by hand". It seemed quite extraordinary but totally normal all at once...but everything she was talking about completely and utterly echoed what I was doing with my doll. I felt caught in that magical space of synchronicity where everything feels free and easy and flows from a place that is vast and untouchable. A space that is all at once scared yet accessible to us all once we let go and trust our intuition; our wiser all knowing self that speaks to us in myriad ways both large and small. I was riding this huge wave of absolute joy...making my paper doll and knowing that the Universe was affirming me; it felt so good!! </div>
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Then...because there are stage to making the doll with allowing the glue to dry etc...I had a whole story planned out for this girl. But when I woke up on October 10...I heard that Malala Yousafzai had won the Nobel!!! Okay...after I cried my eyes out...my doll took on a life of her own...meet <i>Girl Rising. </i>Totally inspired by girls all over the world who are denied their basic rights (to food,medicine, education) and sometimes...their very lives (gendercide). These children are sold into prostitution, child labor or child marriage and their very lives are disposable. Entire childhoods are eradicated and souls are destroyed all because the overculture deems that girls are not equal to boys.How many of these children are lost...<i>we will never know</i>. Yet still...out of all this muck and violence...there are girls who rise. Girls who defeat the odds and follow their hearts...who speak up and remain true to themselves and their calling. There are girls who say "NO!!! I will not be silenced and reduced"... <i>they rise. </i></div>
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I am seriously loving this class you guys...and absolutely and wholeheartedly recommend you taking it if you feel it calling to your soul..<i>.if it speaks to you in some way.</i> Daniel's videos are so easy to follow and her class materials are so minimal you could actually find most of it at home! I am totally loving my dolls and the entire process..<i>.and the best part??</i> It's simply so much fun!!<br />
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soraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4360272032929008925.post-74618950163668882312014-10-01T10:12:00.000-07:002014-10-01T10:14:56.533-07:00published!! (Somerset Studio Art Journaling mag, Autumn 2014)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RuzuveV7x7Y/VCwitGHAkAI/AAAAAAAALqQ/qW1a7umJEbk/s1600/soraya%2Bnulliah%2Bart%2Bjournal%2Bmag%2B7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RuzuveV7x7Y/VCwitGHAkAI/AAAAAAAALqQ/qW1a7umJEbk/s1600/soraya%2Bnulliah%2Bart%2Bjournal%2Bmag%2B7.jpg" /></a></b></div>
<b> </b><span style="font-size: small;"><b>“We all begin the process before we are ready,
before we are strong enough, before we know enough; we begin a dialogue
with thoughts and feelings that both tickle and thunder within us. We
respond before we know how to speak the language, before we know all the
answers, and before we know exactly to whom we are speaking.”</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> - Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes</span></span><br />
Friends...I have some great news to share...I have been published in the Autumn issue of <span style="font-size: large;">Somerset Studio Art Journaling mag!!!!</span> I am so very very grateful to Amber Demien (editor) as well as the lovely ladies at Invincible Heart Co. for making this all come together. I am so grateful and honored to have an 8 page spread! For me, art journaling is a sacred space to pour out all of my soul...all of my fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities as well as joys and happiness mingle on these pages and create a path to healing and creative expression. I never know what's going to emerge (<i>and isn't that half the fun?</i>). <br />
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The story behind this little "Spirit" journal is this right here...it was earlier on this year when I felt a deep pull toward both my creative life as well as full time mothering. While I knew that Tara was going to be starting full time Kinder in the fall and I would have plenty of time for art making then...it was still so difficult to put my creative life on hold. I think so many of us moms struggle with that. Anyways...I was contacted by the lovely ladies at <a href="http://sorayanulliah.blogspot.com/2014/03/serendipity-invincible-heart-co-mixed.html">Invincible Heart Co</a>. and started working with their creative kit...<i>oh my</i>!!!! My creative juices were jump started and ...I poured all of it into this little journal. I turned toward my real life struggles...how my very ordinary life paled in comparison to other artists who were flying here and there to exotic locales to either teach or attend a workshop/retreat etc etc. How even though I was so very fortunate and grateful to witness my daughter growing, to spend this time with her...how another part of me yearned to have the time to create more...to blog more, to paint more, to write more. It was a continual struggle. <br />
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But through the very cathartic process of spilling my truth onto these pages...I found a path forward. I elevated my mundane reality to that which was worthy of inspiring my creativity. I started to see the whole rather than this one part of my journey...where all the strings + strands, all the people + experiences of our lives come together to form the beauty of the whole. I began to see that nothing, <i>absolutely nothing</i>, is ever lost. Everything has meaning and the seeds from which greater things will bloom...our stories, our art...our <i>very lives. </i>As I went through my pages...combining words and images I began to feel stronger, more whole...<i>more empowered. </i><br />
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Almost..<i>.invincible</i>:)<br />
xxxsoraya nulliahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14163510829390285349noreply@blogger.com0