My He(ART)-Full Life



Sunday, December 4, 2011

some thoughts on trusting our heart, being published and working through our fears

(following her true-prints available soon)
"Our work is to show we have been breathed upon - to show it, give it out, sing it out, to live out in the topside world what we have received through our sudden knowings, from body, from dreams and journeys of all sorts."            -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

(yesterday afternoon)
When I went to the mailbox yesterday...I found this complimentary copy of the Somerset Gallery issue...thank you Somerset!!  I was shocked to discover that my name is on the cover!!! Thank you again Somerset!! But...I am getting ahead of myself...let me tell you the full story. For months and months I agonized and procrastinated and then...agonised some more about submitting some of my artwork to Stampington. All my fears, insecurities and inadequacies came knocking loud and clear...do you know what I mean?? Who do you think you are, your work isn't good enough, bold enough, different enough, too different on and on. Uh...it wasn't pretty!! But one day...earlier on this year...I sat down, took a deep breath, gathered up every ounce of courage I had and sent off a box. Then I agonised some more!! But as the weeks wore on I decided to surrender...and hope.
(yesterday afternoon- reading my article)
But...let me go back in time even more. When I was a very young teen (about 13 or 14 years old) I had so many many dreams. Writing, painting, photography, drawing, sewing...on and on. But my dreams had no air to breathe or wings to fly. I couldn't lay down any foundation beneath them because I was too busy putting one foot in front of another....just trying to survive. My life at home was violent; full of pain and abuse. My life at school was marred by racism and trying to adjust to a very foreign way of life in Canada. I was forced to live in two very different worlds; and here I stood, always at the edge of both. A stranger to mySELF. All of this was a heavy burden for such a young heart to carry.
So...yesterday afternoon as I sat there on my couch, reading my article in Somerset...I was in awe and gratitude at the depth and breadth of my journey. I take none of this for granted...here is my soul spilled out onto these canvases and pages... but it all started a very long time ago when I decided to trust mySELF and stand in my truth. None of it has been easy, mind you, but it has been necessary. The tears and heartache, the surrendering to my fears...the shame and truthtelling....have all made way for this space right here;  where I can simply be who I am.
                                                           (sooooooo excited!!)
And my sweet baby girl Tara was soooo excited to see mommy's art in a magazine. She said to me "you did such a good job Mommy. I'm going to give you a Dora sticker." :) My heart just melted all over the place. It all feels a bit surreal to see my art in one of my favorite magazines...but I am just soaking it all in. Thank to each and every one of you for your kindness and support. It means more to me than you will ever know. xxx
P.S. And a big huge thanks to Kelly Rae Roberts' Flying Lessons. I took her e-course last year and it totally rocked!! It was just the right amount of sass, kick in the pants and practical knowledge that I needed to get me going. I totally recommend this class...thank you Kelly Rae!!

12 comments:

Janet said...

Congratulations!! Your art is definitely beautiful enough to be published and no one deserves it more than you. Now I'm off to the book store to get my copy.

Meegan, Blue Moon Mama said...

I cried reading this post. It's just so beautiful to see you coming into yourself. I am so very happy for you & grateful to be able to watch your evolution thru your blog & emails.

A few years ago I desperately wanted to submit some of my work to life images by stampington but by the time I worked up the courage they seemed to have stopped publishing it. Now I'm trying to get the courage to submit art to their digital art magazine. Maybe someday soon. It's so hard to be brave & put yourself out there. Another reason I'm so proud for you.

Jenny said...

Congratulations Soraya... for being brave, for being published :)) Such a beautiful post... your work is so so gorgeous... can't wait to get my copy... enjoy...

Have a fabulous week
Jenny x

scrapwordsmom said...

I have been searching diligently trying to find this issue because I knew you were in there AND I knew you were on the cover!! Another friend of mine is, too {Danielle Daniel!}. I will be in the city to pick up my own copy this week...I can't wait to get my hands on this! I am soooooooo HAPPY for you!!!

Love,
Leslie

mansuetude said...

You are so very beautiful!

great blessings to you and yours.

Kelly said...

I am so grateful to be sharing these moments of your life with you. That pic of Tara holding up the magazine sent me right over the edge! So very, very happy for you. :)

patty said...

Better tell Tara to start collecting her Dora stickers because I have a feeling this is just the first of many such recognitions of your beautiful work.... Soooooo happy for you.... woop-de-doo!!!!!!!

jane said...

My heart is so FULL of happiness for you! I just subscribed to the magazine, so I will have my own copy with my OWN FRIEND (yes, you!) in it! LOVE LOVE!

laurie said...

i am so happy for you! it must feel great to hold your work in published form, to know that your story and art will touch so many. i have the feeling you are just at the beginning of an incredible journey.

SooZeQue said...

You're a beautiful example of when we open our hearts all the way and just let it all in.... it comes in ways most unexpected. You deserve it all my friend! You're like a Rock Star and I'll continue to be a fan!

PatH said...

So happy for you. Your courage and persistence have paid off. May you collect many more Dora stickers.

carol gourley said...

I am so happy for you Soraya, your work is truley worthy. I love it. I have loved it from the first time I saw your blog when I too, took Kelly's flying lessons. I can't wait to get a hold of the Somerset Gallery and see your wonderful entry.