My He(ART)-Full Life

Saturday, December 1, 2012

reviewing my word for 2012

                                         (what if she allowed herSELF to shine?, mixed media)
I have been reviewing my word for this past year which was...OPEN. At first, I really didn't want to pick a word! Why just one word, I thought. I went back and forth, back and can read the full post here until finally... I decided on my word. Now...looking back on the year and already thinking about what my word for 2013 will be ( pssst! I'm pretty sure I know what it is!!)...I am positively amazed at how this word has guided me in...well...everything!! Even now...I don't know if I picked the word or if that word picked me!!! It started showing up everywhere from my journal pages to books/magazines etc. And there was a deep longing in me to open up my heart + life. To reclaim mySELF, give mySELF permission to change and simply...share more. It was allowing myself to shine! Of course, I didn't know all this when I picked my word!!

I  did a very revealing interview with Rita Banerji that evolved over several months. Some of my answers were initially part of our private e-mails that went back and forth...that I eventually decided to make public. I am so proud of this interview!! It was a healing, brave and very candid interview. It was laying claim to my stories; a journey to SELF. It was my deepest hope that by speaking truthfully about so many deeply painful, shameful and sensitive issues...I would inspire others to do the same. We just never know who is reading and listening to our words, do we?? wasn't easy being this open...but whenever I faltered...I revisited my word for the year and allowed that to be my guide. I also realised that healing is not a linear process (at least, not for me!!) but one that is more step forward, 2 steps back!! However...if we take enough of these steps-we can look back and see the length + breadth + depth of our journey.

This past year...I also became more comfortable with mySELF. As a mom, wife, artist, blogger...I became more open to all my parts + pieces...even the ones buried and long forgotten. I read Gary Zuvac's Seat of the Soul  and he devotes 2 entire chapters to intention. I started to understand how important it is!!! The seeds that birth our entire all starts with an intention!!!! powerful stuff!! Looking back over the year...I see how my intention of being open...shaped my thoughts/actions. Now I am all about intention!! Before I start painting...I light candles and hold an intention in my heart and mind. When I wake up in the morning...I focus on my intention. It's become an intrinsic part of my life...and always leads me back to center. A big huge surprise..was how much more I opened up in my marriage and all of my relationships, really! Layers and layers of self doubt, insecurity and "not enoughs" just peeled away to reveal the heart of who I am; passionate, very opinionated (!!!), sensitive and ...uh...quirky!!!

And my art and writing became much much more open as well!!! I started sharing pieces of my work that I would normally keep (very) private. And all my broken/hopeful/magical/painful pieces started seeping into my art/writing/photos. I started opening up! In tiny steps...I became brave. And each small step led to larger + larger steps. I wrote an article where I really dug deep and unearthed some of my stories. I submitted a (very) private journal that altered the course of my art. I started opening up to possibilities.
I wrote a lot on my blog about being broken, re-writing our stories and how our pain can fuel our creativity. I wrote about politics, issues that were dear to my heart and surrendering to the moment... to what is. I truly believe that none of these posts would have been written if I hadn't set the intention at the start of the year!!! Our intention is  kind of like a magical key that unlocks our stories, our potential...our magic!!!

Dear OPEN:
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to see all parts of mySELF with clear eyes and  a loving heart. Thank you for coming into my life just exactly when I needed you!! When my family/art/writing/friendships and life so desperately needed you! You have brought with you vulnerability and strength...hope and pain. You have taught me to accept what is...without judgement and bitterness (still working on this one!!!). You have been a compassionate yet willing teacher and i am so very grateful for your gifts. Even though the new year is just around the corner and I am going to pick a new word...I am not done with you yet!!!! Oh No!!! I will carry you forward in the deepest recesses of my heart and you will be the framework for all of my intentions going forward. xxx
 *I'm deciding on my word for 2013...are you???


ArtPropelled said...

I always intend to pick a word and hold on to it for a year but I usually forget it. This lovely post is stirring up enthusiasm for choosing a new word and actually making it mean something throughout the year. Thanks for sharing your journey, Soraya. I'm sure we have all learned and grown from reading about your inner struggles and the way you are healing yourself, step by step.

Carin Cullen said...

Soraya, this was beautiful, heartfelt, honest and oh so inspiring. I just read your interview for the first time and am totally awestruck by what you have accomplished/ who you have become despite/ because of what you have experienced in your life. And although our backgrounds and stories are vastly different I recognised the hushing up of certain subjects from my own childhood and how it has affected my art and quest to be more open. So glad open has been such a good word for you this year. I chose gratitude this year and it's been life-changing. I have a pretty good idea what my word is going to be next year too.

Anonymous said...

another inspiring post! i am so glad you chose open, because your heartfelt posts often reached places in me that needed some love and attention ;)
i salute your courage in following your north star and holding to your truth and process, and making such deep and meaningful use of open and intention...
now i need to go ponder!

patty said...

Isn't is amazing when you look back and see where one little word can lead?? This has been my 3rd year of choosing a word and I can't believe how they have melded together and overlapped with each other. And no, you are not done after a year! That word becomes part of you and your focus just shifts a little to make way for the new one. All my words have chosen me! I'm also pretty sure about the next one...

I wanted you to know that one of the uses for the beautiful red journal that you gave me has been to document the little steps of "venturing" this year and also brainstorming new venturing ideas. It all happened pretty slowly, but taken over the course of a year, I can't believe where my word has taken me!

Looking forward to seeing your next one!