(my journal entry from yesterday)
I wasn't going to pick any specific word for this year but then I started reading a few of my fave blogs and I felt deeply moved to choose a word of my own. I was especially inspired by Patty's post right here where she talked about the intention behind choosing a word and how it becomes a deeply ingrained part of our lives. So...looking through all of my most recent journal pages I keep on coming to this word right here...OPEN. It's a humble word and...maybe it doesn't have a lot of flash and pizazz but...it deeply deeply speaks to me right now. And I am listening. I wholehearted claim this word for 2012!!
For far too many years (okay...most of my life!!)...I was closed to life and to mySELF. Why?? So many reasons...thick and heavy; fears, insecurities, shame, blame. The deep feeling that I had nothing important to say or share. The fear of failure and humiliation + of not living up to my unrealistic expectations. That no-one would want to listen. That I was not enough. So there I was, sitting at the edge of my life, a spectator rather than an active participant or creator. I was simply letting life happen to me. All of that radically changed when I gave birth!!! Here was life full blown and in my face. No more shrinking away from any of it. I intuitively knew that my life would never be the same. I was deconstructed in a moment and the reconstruction has been going on ever since!
(too short bangs that need to grow out-I cut them myself!!)
But now I want to be open, open, open!!! To all of life's experiences...the whole shebang!!' To opportunity, risk + possibility. I want to open my heart even more than I ever thought possible. All of my old + locked away stories need to be set free; in my art + in my writing...in my life. I want to break wide open-wider than I ever thought possible so that I can hold more deeply this life of mine. So I can touch the possibility + grace that lies within me...that is there waiting for us in every sacred moment.
I want to open up my wings and...fly. So there you have it, dear friends, that's my word for 2012. Do you have one?