fullness...

(awakening to the fullness of herSELF, 9" x 12")

 I have been immersed in painting. After few days of lollygagging..it's back to the studio. Once Tara goes to sleep...I head in there for hours and paint my heart out. I am so tired at the end of the day but once I start painting...I become energised and time...flies! Before I know it...it's 2 in the morning! I love this lady over here...with her big hair and her curious and tender expression. All these ladies that I paint...they spring out of the deepest parts of me; a merging of my heart, mind, soul.  The tenderness and love I feel for them...surprise me sometimes.
Happy weekend to you all! Tim's here tomorrow...big happiness in our hearts!

Fall is here!

These past few days have been...slow and delicious. I have had some time to write in my journal, catch up on some reading and yesterday we went...pumpkin shopping. Fall is here! I love seeing the leaves turn, wearing sweaters and drinking hot chocolate. I have a fantastic hot chocolate trick BTW...I add a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg and I only use whole milk...rich and delicious. Try it! 
We have a great outdoor space in our backyard so Tara and I sit on the patio under a warm throw and watch the birds and squirrels. After a long and scorching summer...the cool air and rains are such a welcome relief.  I received the book I mentioned earlier,   I'd Rather be in the Studio ,and am just through the first couple of chapters. I realise that I sorely need to work on my artist statement...the one I have is about 5 years old and the direction of my work has changed. And my studio is still a mess!  Actually the whole house is a little messy right now. But I am not thinking about any of that...just resting in the space of the moment. How about you...what does your life look like?

the messiness of life...

(my studio right now)

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
                -Rumi,
*one of my fave poems!
So many times we try to pretend as if there is no messiness to life. We hide it or push it away...messy thoughts and emotions. Sometimes we compulsively clean our houses to hide the messiness that lives inside of us...Sometimes we shrug it off and go through the motions.  But it takes so much energy to do this-don't you think? It's so much better to just lay it all out and process it and get to the other side. It's part of being human. Lately...life over here has been very ...well, messy! Tara and I have had a bit of the flu bug, a major migraine headache snuck up on me this evening and we are in the really messy process of figuring out our move to Ca! Plus I have been feeling the start of ...burnout! Yikes! But in the midst of all of this whirlwind, I see the gifts of this whole process ...I am slowing down a little, leaving dishes in the sink and the laundry undone. Going to bed a little early and taking hot baths. Lighting candles and turning off the noise.

                                                            (detail of painting above)

Most of all...I am letting my heart speak. It is telling me to step back, slow down and take a deep breath. To lay bare my anger and sadness and joy and vulnerability...write it down, paint it out, speak it out. And I am listening to my heart more and more these days. Vulnerability feels so good! It strengthens me in all my weak places...How about you...are you listening to your heart? What is it telling you?

A few blogs I am loving right now: 

*Kelly Kilmer  -juicy, luscious journal pages chock full of techniques, tips and inspiration. Plus she offers so many amazing journal e-courses..I would sign up for one right this second if I had the time. Am certainly going to bookmark it for later.

*Alyson B. Stanfield's blog on everything creative biz related. I mentioned it the other day but it bears repeating-head over there!

*Art Propelled -if you haven't discovered this blog yet...it is stunning! Artist Robyn Gordon's carvings are elegant, graceful and mysterious...her work speaks of the secrets of Africa. I love visiting this blog...there is always something to learn and Robyn's art and pics are breathtaking...see for yourself!

Inside my sketchbook...

I have always been fascinated by sketchbooks; it is here that we can see the artist's mind, heart and soul at work. I absolutely love peeking inside these treasure troves. I have tons of sketchbooks; many used and some brand new that I bought because they were simply beautiful. I love all kinds of sketchbooks...Canson wet media ones, expensive leather ones with paper from Italy and regular ones that are sold at Target. I love handmade papers from India, Nepal, Egypt...Inside my sketchbooks I have drawings in various stages of completion, sometimes with watercolor washes over top of graphite. I have ideas and grocery lists and to-do lists and drawings for paintings and...everything!

(an old sketchbook-2000)

On the front page of every sketchbook I write a blessing or prayer where I invite the god/goddess of creativity into my art and my writings. This is the Hindu god Nataraja who embodies the whole process of creativity. Each prayer that I write  has different words/invocations...this one says "Nataraja...Creator..Destroyer...Please bless my thoughts, my work, my creations. Work through me. Create through me with passion, love, thought. Let Mother India shine in my work" I absolutely love writing these special words because they are powerful beyond measure. I also love looking back through the years and reading them...they let me know where I have been; signposts on the journey.

                                                     (graphite and watercolor wash-2002)
This drawing with wash never turned into a painting but I absolutely love drawing...the whole process is challenging, joyful and meditative all at once. I still may paint it one day.

                                            (pen, colored pencil and graphite)

(Female Ganesha, watercolor and gouache, 18' x 24", 2006-SOLD)

This is a sketch that turned into a painting. As you can see, I changed some things from idea/sketch to completed painting but the essentials are the same. Of course not all my paintings start out as a sketch but lots of them take root here...in words, poetry, concept. Thanks so much for looking...I have enjoyed sharing this very personal and deep part of mySELF.

a bowl of soup

(I sprinkled some chilli flakes, fresh ground pepper and basil on top)

Fall is definitely in the air over here. Even though our days are quite summery and warm...our evenings have a chill and nightfall comes early. Today was the perfect day for a delicious bowl of soup. Ever since Robyn told me that one of her favorite simple things was butternut soup...I have been thinking about this perfect fall food. I researched the perfect recipe...I picked this one because it had heavy cream , ginger and nutmeg.
Ingredients
6 cups (about 2 large squash) seeded 2-inch wide chunks butternut squash
Melted butter, for brushing
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus 1 teaspoon
1 teaspoon freshly ground white pepper, plus 1/2 teaspoon
3 cups chicken or vegetable stock
4 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon minced ginger
4 ounces heavy cream
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Brush the flesh of the squash with a little butter and season with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 teaspoon fresh ground white pepper. On a sheet pan lay the squash flesh side up. Roast for about 30 to 35 minutes or until the flesh is nice and soft.
3. Scoop the flesh from the skin into a pot and add the stock, honey, and ginger. Bring to a simmer and puree using a stick blender. Stir in the heavy cream and return to a low simmer. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
* Personally I would cut back on the salt

(can't forget the bread!)

Now I have to be honest here and say that I did not make mine from scratch! I bought it from Trader Joes!! But this recipe still seemed really yummy and I wanted to share it in case any of you were adventurous enough to try it. The soup I had was perfectly creamy and delicious...even Tara loved it! It's my new favorite soup.

(delicious)

* In biz news...I finally ordered my printer and scanner. I just have to wait for it to arrive and then figure out how to use it...yikes!
Also...I came across this amazing blog by Alyson B. Stanfield that has an abundance of resources for working artists. I hope you stop in to read it beacuse it is a treasure trove. I also ordered her book and can't wait to receive it. The reviews on Amazon were overwhelmingly positive.
P.S. For all you book lovers out there, Meegan is having a book giveaway so pop on over and leave a comment on her blog!
What are some of you fave seasonal foods right now?

This is who I am...

I used to write a lot of poetry when I was a teen...I still have it all. Collected in journals and sheets of paper. A dream I lost along the way.
I wrote this particular poem way back when I first started my blog (about 8 months ago). I posted it but it was when I really had no-one reading my blog:(    So I decided to re-post it. I love this poem because not only does it describe me perfectly...but it comes from  a place deep and rich with truth and vulnerability. It really just poured out of me...does that ever happen to you when you write? When it all just seems to come out as if it already existed in some other place? In those rare times...magic. Here is the poem...this is who I am...sometimes...

(Homage-2006-SOLD)

Sometimes
Who am I?
I am jagged in places, broken even...
Soft as velvet in others
Lush with life and longing.
In some places I am lost, uneven
Torn and...worn.
In others I am shiny
like newly-minted gold
like a crystal clear diamond or a ray of sun in June.
Sometimes I am drab, gray, homely even...
But sometimes I wear the moon in my hair, stars in my eyes and I SHINE with a magic and a knowing
In some places I am shut off,
in a dark place...bitter, angry, sad.
Sometimes I am crippled, hopeless, fearful.
But sometimes...sometimes...
I fly I fly I fly
I soar like a thousand winged birds
A peacock-indigo-with feathers spread out
Full of grace and love and life.
A flower...in full bloom.
This is who I am.
Sometimes...

(baby pic of me)

Okay...I just came across this baby pic of me...I was about 4 or 5 years old. It was taken in a photo studio...on Church Street...in Pietermaritzburg (it says so on the back). I remember this shirt exactly. It was a favorite of mine; deep rich purple with white hand embroidery in a traditional Indian design. All these pieces of memories fitting together like a puzzle of who I am. And check out the bowl haircut!! Do you think Tara looks like me?

last days of summer...

Here we are...

enjoying these last days...

of summer...
happy weekend!

dreams...

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged
bird that cannot fly."
                     Langston Hughes

One of the things I really love about this creative community is that we are rich with dreams...Dreams of things we want to accomplish, who we would like to evolve into and what we want to build. What are some of your deepest dreams...things that may seem so impossible and hard to believe that we stop dreaming altogether? Do you want to learn how to paint, write a bestseller, run for public office, volunteer in  a soup kitchen...start up a soup kitchen? Maybe spend more quality time with your family...take up scrapbooking or knitting? Here's the thing...No dream is too big...or too small. It is when we listen to our little whispers (or shouts) that we give our dreams the fuel it needs to take shape. There are some small steps you can take today to give your dreams space to breathe and grow and flourish. Maybe sign up for an art class...or claim a space  in your home to do your creative work...or research the business end of things. Write in your journal...confide in a trusted person about your dreams...lay claim to these winged thoughts called dreams. Even the boldest of actions start with a dream...what are some of the things you dream of?

unearthing ourSELVES

(Creative Soul Unearthed-original available here!  SOLD)

" The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, creating and incubating. being in the world and returning to the soul place."
                     -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
When I was in my late teens, I used to think that I would arrive at this place one day, where I would have just "found mySELF". Do you know what I mean? ... In this fantasy of mine...I would know exactly who I was and what I was all about. It was a static place...where things never changed (and oh! there was never any housework in this magical place and I was sitting in a coffeehouse somewhere in Italy...always happy, always young!!). I smile at that girl now. My life in my 20's was anything but settled and static. It was a decade of "mending my soul". Can you relate to a much  younger version of  yourSELF now?  Do you smile gently at her...cringe even ...or become sad?
Today I know that unearthing mySELF is all about change. It is ever-growing with so many peaks and valleys... and prairies too. Long stretches where it appears as if everything is staying the same but where, perhaps, the most growth is taking place.When I first started blogging about 8 months ago...I had no idea that I had a secret yearning to write and take photos and a deep deep longing to become a part of  a creative community. "Finding ourSELVES"  is a lot like a treasure hunt, an amazing book that we are writing and reading simultaneously...like an unearthing of what is already there. Our inner core remains unchanged but everything else moves like a river. Here are some things I wish I could tell my younger self:
1. Be bold, be courageous, speak up...It has taken a long time for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I grew up in a pretty traditional Indian household where girls were discouraged from speaking up and claiming their space. Femininity equaled passivity.
2. Everything works out for the best...you will go through some really heart wrenching times where you will think it's the end of the world...but there is an intelligence to this Universe far greater than we will ever know. There are gifts in every situation even though it may be difficult (okay impossible!) to see them now.
3. High school does end...hallelujah!
4. Enjoy all of it...life goes by so fast!
5. be kind..always. There were so many times when I was just not a kind person. Especially to mySELF.
6. learn how to type (oh yeah...and computers too!)
7. Enjoy fitting into those size 3 jeans...that's never going to happen again...like ever!
8. Don't use so much hairspray!! Okay, It was the 80's...it was hairspray city:)
9. believe in mySELF-don't listen to people who tell me that I can't do this and that. Make those decisions for mySELF.
10. be mySELF  (of course I had no idea who that was back then!)...so...dear younger SELF...you have to go through all these opportunities and growth  (otherwise known as mistakes and regrets) to find out!
How about you? What are some things you would tell your younger self? I would love to know.
*Archival prints coming soon!

snapshot...

Music...I have been listening to lots of Italian opera this past while...immersing myself in the rich, luscious emotions and notes of these masters. I picture myself sitting in an old old room somewhere in Italy, painting, with a window right in front of me...a bakery underneath with the smell of fresh bread drifting up...water down below...old grand buildings...heaven

Indian silks...I am loving these lush rich, jewel-toned fabric. They sit on a shelf in my studio...sometimes I hang them up on the wall. I love the colors, the feel and the way they catch the light. I wonder about who made them...who sat on the floor and spun this cloth...what does this person's life look like? Do they ever get to wear the beautiful silk they spin? These colors work their way into my heart, my mind and into my paintings. I LOVE them!

Time...so many of us have so much to do and so little time to do it in! It seems that time is just flying by and we are passive observers! How can we fit everything in? This is what I try to do...prioritise, cut out television, don't invite time and energy stealers into our lives (toxic people and situations), meditate, appreciate the small things, simplicity, focus on this moment and not on all the things that need to get done...

Beauty...flowers...nature...I love the smell of fresh flowers. I love the still life quality of a vase, pottery, glassware catching the light....different angles. Living art. A painting come to life.

Transition...The changing of seasons. I love the in-between time of seasons. Summer isn't officially over and fall isn't here yet...there are traces of flowers in bloom, birds chirping, children in shorts but also... leaves starting to change color, a crispness  in the evening air and back to school.

Love...

* thank you so much for  your kind words and thoughts regarding  my last post. Someimes we just need to express our feelings, process it and get on the other side:) Happy weekend to all of you!

Later...Jessica Torrant, a wonderful artist I met through Etsy, interviewed me! You can read it here!

Beauty surrounds us...

I have been feeling a little under the weather these past few days...maybe a combination of being very tired and the change in seasons. I have also been feeling a little overwhelmed, stressed and blue. I think my family being apart like this is wearing very thin. I know that at least Tim gets to come home every weekend now and for that...I am very thankful. But it's been a long haul for us all over here and we are really starting to feel it. It is now-at times like these-that I really need to focus on all that I have to be grateful for in my life...Tim, Tara, my blog friends (kindred spirits), flowers, love, friendship, books, art...it is these times that I really need to open my eyes...open my heart to all the beauty that surrounds us...

(taking pics for my Etsy shop)

(like grace itSELF)

(for you...)

* I have been so fortunate to have been included in a few Etsy treasuries ...here, here and here!..these past few days. I am still trying to figure out what this means...but I think it's a good thing:) I would of cut and pasted them in here but I am still trying to figure out how! Thanks to all the curators who have included me!
* Tara started gym classes at My Gym and it is fabulous! We go 2 x a week for an hour each time and she is just loving it! She is blossoming and learning so much...I am so proud of her...one more thing to be so grateful for.

In My Studio...

I have carved out some time to paint these last few days. It feels so good after a couple of weeks of computer/biz related stuff. Just to get in there... play my Andrea Bocelli music, a hot cup of tea and lose myself in the process. BTW..I grabbed my paint water by accident, thinking it was my tea!! Thank goodness I realized it in time...does kooky stuff like that happen to you? Happens to me all the time! Beautiful colors...paints...Indigo, cerulean, magenta, burnt sienna, crimson, paynes gray..all the magnificent shades of yellow that are calling me these days. I have been working on backgrounds, paintings in progress and new ones...happy...

Simple DIY project and more!!

(inspiration tree)

Isn't this tree simply gorgeous?!! I picked it up at the craft store and am going to turn it into an inspiration tree for my studio! I love the curves and lines..it has grace, rhythm and magic. I am going to paint it (don't know what color yet) and then use those small wooden pegs (also found them at the craft store) to pin up pics, inspirational quotes, to do lists...I can't wait to show you when I am done!

*Tara is starting to feed herself...messy foods like cereal and yogurt. Never mind that so much of the food ends up everywhere...she is having a blast! I am so proud and happy but so sad!! I remember just a minute ago I was breastfeeding her...where did the time go?

(big girl Tara)

*Summer is almost over! I love all of the seasons (yes, even winter. I am Canadian after all!) but I am glad it is starting to cool down. It has been a long and sweltering season and, like the flowers in my garden, I am feeling a little droopy! I am looking forward to these months ahead.

(last days of summer)

*Last night we had a bit of a scare. Hurricane Earl, a category 4, was heading right this way (we only live 45 mins. away from the Atlantic!). Ever the Marine, Tim insisted that I pack up an emergency bag (food, water, diapers etc) and we planned an evacuation route. Thank goodness by this morning Earl turned north and lost quite a lot of his steam.

*Okay...so now I am going to tag...Meegan, Lis, Alison, Carola, Kerri, Eva, Orly and Patty...Here are the questions!
1. Are you a dog person or a cat person? Both? Neither?
2. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be? What would you do?
3. What is your fave home cooked meal?
4. Your perfect evening is...
5. If you could be anyone in history for one day, who would you pick and why?
6. A quality you admire most in others...? Least...?
7. The scariest thing about ageing...
8. At the end of your life, what is the one thing you will regret never having tried? *Psst...maybe you can take a few tiny steps toward that dream today so there will be no regrets later:)  If anyone else would like to join in, you can answer in the comments section. I would love to hear from you! I am taking the weekend off from the computer!! Happy Weekend!

tagged!

(totes-available here)

I have just been tagged! (it's my first time so I am not sure if I have to tag other people or not!)...Leslie...please let me know!!
1. What one book has impacted you the most? I would have a difficult time choosing just one. If pressed I would have to say it is Total Freedom: The Essential Krishnamurti For those not familiar with this startling man and his works ...how can I explain it? He leads one to SELF, not claiming to know the answers...instead, he asks the questions. One of the most brilliant and humble thinkers of any time...he has the ability to transform ...your thoughts, your perspective, your life. Actually..like any great teacher, he leads us to the door of our own self knowledge. Not for the faint of heart...he asks you to face life full force. His philosophy and mind bridges Eastern and Western thought seamlessly. For those of you who are familiar with Krishnamurti-you already know..."Truth is a pathless land" I will read this book for as long as I am able.

2. What do you wear most days? Most days I have my hair in  a pony tail, no makeup and wearing paint stained sweats and an old tee. With so much to do and a toddler to run after... that works for me. Of course when Tim is here I make more of an effort:)

(what I wear everyday)

3. What is your favorite snack? I am not really a snack person. I guess I would have to say fresh blueberries or blacberries. Apples and cheese. Banana and walnuts. Warm bread with butter and a hot cup of tea.

4. You have just won the biggest prize on a game show. What game show is it? Why? I don't watch T.V. so in my imaginary game show I have just won...a different childhood. I had a truly horrible childhood and today I can honestly say that one of the best things about it...was that it ended. However...because I look at my glass as half full (see question below)...I feel that I have already "won" the biggest prize. Because of these experiences ...I am the person I am ; I see the many gifts it has brought me also. Strength, fortitude, perseverance, self reliance, compassion, depth, character, authenticity, vulnerability...I rarely take things for granted. My life today is much more than I ever could of dreamed...I truly don't think i could ask for anything more...my cup runneth over.
5. You always look at life with the glass.......? Why? Half Full. I am the eternal optimist. I wasn't always that way. When I was about 24, I went through  a particularly devastating experience. Another person had manipulated, deceived and outright set out to hurt me. I was angry and bitter for months and months. But one day I made the conscious decision that, no matter what happened in my life from here on, I would look at the gifts and blessings of the situation. I thought that if this person had succeeded in changing who I essentially was, as a person, then they would have really damaged me and robbed me. As it turns out...that experience was a blessing in disguise. I have been able to hold on to that perspective ever since.
6. Favorite movie. You know the one you can watch over and over and never get tired of? I am not really a movie person. Even with a really great movie...I can only watch it a couple of times. I can re-read a great book forever though!
7. What town did you grow up in? Pietermaritzburg, Natal, South Africa.
8. Do you have a pet? If so what and what is their name? We don't have one right now (no time!). I used to have a Doberman (who was the BEST dog in the whole wide world!) His name was Voodoo... a thoroughbred, was sable with white markings and oh! He was also the smartest dog in the whole wide world:)Tim used to have a German Shephard. Hubby wants us to get a dog and he says he will take care of it...but we all know how that goes, right ladies?!! So maybe when Tara is older.