"bird on your shoulder"

I just caught the last little bit of Tuesdays with Morrie. I read the book..quite a few years back and there are so many gems of truth that really speak to me. We live in culture that hides, denies, lies about death. We really do. We want to live forever but...we don't want to age! We either never really think we are going to die...or that it is so far away we don't pay much attention to it. But we never really know, do we?

(archival print availble here)

There is  a line in the movie where Morrie talks about "a bird on your shoulder". He explains that Buddhists imagine  there is a bird on their shoulder and every morning..they ask...is this my last day, am I ready for death? He says...we would live our lives very differently if we acknowledged that...life is finite. We would ask questions like "what does my heart really tell me", "what am I scared of and why?". We wouldn't save up our joy for special occasions like Xmas and birthdays...we would practice courageous living every day...every moment. That's what I want to do...I know (for me) it gets difficult when things are super hectic and I am stressed and Tara is right smack in the middle of  a tantrum...But with all my heart...I want to just be able to take a deep breath and realise what a gift life is...right in that very moment . I won't be here forever ...to calm her down, hold her, love her, kiss her. I really won't...and that makes all the difference...doesn't it? Just that perspective alone...changes me. I am going to practice...living with  a bird on my shoulder.

cup of plenty

I have only recently started feeling comfortable inside this life of mine. Where I feel as if...it fits me. Where I feel as if.... this is my little piece of  the world. I can gather all of my pieces here and lay them at the door of life...and walk through; unencumbered. This life of mine is so extraordinary in it's ordinary-ness. I can breathe here...and grow and love and live. I am drinking from the cup of plenty and I know it...
We had a great long weekend. There were walks on the beach, afternoon naps, reading O magazine in the autumn sun and lots of reconnecting; as a family and as a couple. And oh yeah! there were also some Godiva chocolate truffles involved! A little piece of heaven... let me tell you:)

                                                                        (Va Beach)

unearthing ourSELVES

(Creative Soul Unearthed-original available here!  SOLD)

" The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, creating and incubating. being in the world and returning to the soul place."
                     -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
When I was in my late teens, I used to think that I would arrive at this place one day, where I would have just "found mySELF". Do you know what I mean? ... In this fantasy of mine...I would know exactly who I was and what I was all about. It was a static place...where things never changed (and oh! there was never any housework in this magical place and I was sitting in a coffeehouse somewhere in Italy...always happy, always young!!). I smile at that girl now. My life in my 20's was anything but settled and static. It was a decade of "mending my soul". Can you relate to a much  younger version of  yourSELF now?  Do you smile gently at her...cringe even ...or become sad?
Today I know that unearthing mySELF is all about change. It is ever-growing with so many peaks and valleys... and prairies too. Long stretches where it appears as if everything is staying the same but where, perhaps, the most growth is taking place.When I first started blogging about 8 months ago...I had no idea that I had a secret yearning to write and take photos and a deep deep longing to become a part of  a creative community. "Finding ourSELVES"  is a lot like a treasure hunt, an amazing book that we are writing and reading simultaneously...like an unearthing of what is already there. Our inner core remains unchanged but everything else moves like a river. Here are some things I wish I could tell my younger self:
1. Be bold, be courageous, speak up...It has taken a long time for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I grew up in a pretty traditional Indian household where girls were discouraged from speaking up and claiming their space. Femininity equaled passivity.
2. Everything works out for the best...you will go through some really heart wrenching times where you will think it's the end of the world...but there is an intelligence to this Universe far greater than we will ever know. There are gifts in every situation even though it may be difficult (okay impossible!) to see them now.
3. High school does end...hallelujah!
4. Enjoy all of it...life goes by so fast!
5. be kind..always. There were so many times when I was just not a kind person. Especially to mySELF.
6. learn how to type (oh yeah...and computers too!)
7. Enjoy fitting into those size 3 jeans...that's never going to happen again...like ever!
8. Don't use so much hairspray!! Okay, It was the 80's...it was hairspray city:)
9. believe in mySELF-don't listen to people who tell me that I can't do this and that. Make those decisions for mySELF.
10. be mySELF  (of course I had no idea who that was back then!)...so...dear younger SELF...you have to go through all these opportunities and growth  (otherwise known as mistakes and regrets) to find out!
How about you? What are some things you would tell your younger self? I would love to know.
*Archival prints coming soon!

YES!

" I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width, the depth of it as well" -Diane Ackerman

Things have been ever so hectic over here. In addition to the usual stuff I have also been busy getting stuff done around the house; dealing with contractors, handymen etc (not my favorite thing!) . Also immersing myself in painting...I am so excited with the direction of my art...I feel as if I am getting closer to the core of who I am and it is exciting, vulnerable, scary but...it feels good to say YES to life! To say YES to the fullness of who I am.

                                                              HAPPY WEEKEND!!

On What's Really Important...

My Tara turned one a few days ago and it got me thinking on what's really important...and it's all these small moments that make up the totality of a life. It's the HUGE moments too-the births and deaths, falling in love, visiting Paris or having an exhibition but it's also the everyday, the mundane, the "trivial" that make up the majority of one's life. Taking a bath with baby, birthdays and walking outside in the sunshine (or the rain), taking in the beauty of a sunset, baby kisses (sweet), hubby kisses (hot!!), reading a good book, cooking, making a snowman...it's these small moments that are quilted together to form the fabric of our lives. It's people and relationships that are important, love and creativity...not things, not housework and "stuff" and... putting on airs and crazy non-sense. It's appreciating colors and good health, playing with your dog and running on the bare grass. It's old friendships(for their comfort) and new ones (for their...possibility). It's loving the two feet we have that take us where we want to go, the eyes we have to take in all of the beauty in this world and...clean drinking water.It's the journey and not the destination. The imperfect-ness of life  and not the ideal. Any thoughts out there on what is important to you?