searching for my style

Things have been super hectic over here...but in such a great way!! I have been using my sketches from Herstory while I paint...as inspiration. and speaking of inspiration...I was a little apprehensive about signing up for Danielle's class because of the time factor...but I am so glad I did!!! Her videos are amazing, inspiring and are allowing me to define my art in a very personal way. You guys...if you are struggling with finding your style, are stuck in a creative rut or simply want to take an amazing class ...this is it!!! She speaks to me in a way I understand...straight to my heart and soul. I am ever so grateful to be able to learn from her.

One of the things I am finding my way back to is incorporating Indian text into my work. It's very personal to me, very important to me because, you see, I have completely lost my mother tongue. English is my first and only language and it pains me greatly that I have lost this part of mySELF...so..using Indian text in this way allows me to reclaim a small part of it in some way.

This background was created using a few of the new techniques I'm learning from Danielle...I have absolutely no idea where this painting will lead. That's so much of the fun, isn't it??

In other news...over the weekend I helped Tara bake her very first apple pie!!! It was cinnamon-ey goodness all over the place! Tara was so proud and happy! I finally feel as if we are settling into a school routine over here. I have so much more to share...be back soon!!

unearthing ourSELVES

(Creative Soul Unearthed-original available here!  SOLD)

" The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, creating and incubating. being in the world and returning to the soul place."
                     -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
When I was in my late teens, I used to think that I would arrive at this place one day, where I would have just "found mySELF". Do you know what I mean? ... In this fantasy of mine...I would know exactly who I was and what I was all about. It was a static place...where things never changed (and oh! there was never any housework in this magical place and I was sitting in a coffeehouse somewhere in Italy...always happy, always young!!). I smile at that girl now. My life in my 20's was anything but settled and static. It was a decade of "mending my soul". Can you relate to a much  younger version of  yourSELF now?  Do you smile gently at her...cringe even ...or become sad?
Today I know that unearthing mySELF is all about change. It is ever-growing with so many peaks and valleys... and prairies too. Long stretches where it appears as if everything is staying the same but where, perhaps, the most growth is taking place.When I first started blogging about 8 months ago...I had no idea that I had a secret yearning to write and take photos and a deep deep longing to become a part of  a creative community. "Finding ourSELVES"  is a lot like a treasure hunt, an amazing book that we are writing and reading simultaneously...like an unearthing of what is already there. Our inner core remains unchanged but everything else moves like a river. Here are some things I wish I could tell my younger self:
1. Be bold, be courageous, speak up...It has taken a long time for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I grew up in a pretty traditional Indian household where girls were discouraged from speaking up and claiming their space. Femininity equaled passivity.
2. Everything works out for the best...you will go through some really heart wrenching times where you will think it's the end of the world...but there is an intelligence to this Universe far greater than we will ever know. There are gifts in every situation even though it may be difficult (okay impossible!) to see them now.
3. High school does end...hallelujah!
4. Enjoy all of it...life goes by so fast!
5. be kind..always. There were so many times when I was just not a kind person. Especially to mySELF.
6. learn how to type (oh yeah...and computers too!)
7. Enjoy fitting into those size 3 jeans...that's never going to happen again...like ever!
8. Don't use so much hairspray!! Okay, It was the 80's...it was hairspray city:)
9. believe in mySELF-don't listen to people who tell me that I can't do this and that. Make those decisions for mySELF.
10. be mySELF  (of course I had no idea who that was back then!)...so...dear younger SELF...you have to go through all these opportunities and growth  (otherwise known as mistakes and regrets) to find out!
How about you? What are some things you would tell your younger self? I would love to know.
*Archival prints coming soon!

Memories of India

These past few days, in between working on my website, painting and taking care of Tara (!!!)...I have been sorting through things. I came across my India pics...When I turned 30, I spent 4 months in India, travelling by myself. I was born in South Africa but am of Indian descent. This was my first visit to the land of my ancestors...of mySELF. It was a pilgrimage that continues to gift me, even today. How can I even begin to describe what it all meant to me. How this experience changed me, blessed me, strengthened me and nourished me. This experience brought me face to face with mySELF. India was a mirror held up to me, reflecting everything I am. The first month was horrible! A mixed-up jumble of thoughts, sounds and smells, pollution and noise, blazing heat and confusion, malaria pills and adjustments. I felt a rage of emotions-guilt, frustration, confusion, anger, distaste, contempt, misery, euphoria. I realized that the ugly monster of mental colonization lived inside of me. I had to learn how to love India, learn to let go and trust the Universe. Then one day , suddenly, I fell in love with India! And once I did, I saw the whole of life unfold...I saw how life is mixed with death. I saw that change is the only constant; everything is in flux, non-permanent, in transition. Marigolds mixed with dung. In India, everything is surreal. Life is lived in the streets, out in the open, in technicolor. Humility and arrogance, temples and blaring music, ancient stone statues and Sanskrit chantings, stultifying poverty and the blazing sun. When I stood at the tip of India with Lanka behind me...I saw the whole of Mother India before me. This is where India begins...this is where I begin. I fell in love with India that day and in the process...with myself too...Here is the picture-I remember it as if it were yesterday.

(me at the tip of Mother India-Kanyakumari, Tamil Nadu-1999)

Heart and Meaning

I am immersed in a journey of HEART and MEANING! This is part of  a page in my sketchbook for Kelly's class and I am asking mySELF all sorts of questions! I don't know a lot of the answers yet but...I am going to give mySELF permission to evolve, to celebrate the journey of not knowing and to create the SELF I want.

I wish all of you a HAPPY FRIDAY full of HEART!