intention

 

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity." -Melody Beattie

this + that (around here lately)

 Friends...we have been deeply immersed in creative play over here! Last week, Tara and I made a huge batch of glitter play-doh (super simple recipe here) and have been having a blast ever since! Play-doh is one of the most amazingly simple creations...ever, ever, ever!!!! The sky's the limit as to what you can do with it...models,bakeries, experiments, art...you name it. Some great links here, here and here but a quick google search with literally bring up countless sites. Now...I admit...it does make  a huge mess but the 20 min. clean up afterwards is well worth it.
Also, about  a month ago, I started reading this parenting book and I got through  a few chapters and realized it was awful!!!!Seriously!!! I really try not to give bad reviews but I felt that the approach  was just plain wrong. I will spare you all the details but ... I am not sure how books like these can even be published under the guise of "helping parents + children".  So after some research...I purchased this book instead and, even though I am only on the second chapter, this book has been amazing!!! Lets just say that there has been more getting on the floor, more play, more imagination, more storytelling + more fun = happy Tara!!

 This is Tara's creative space in the corner of my studio. This used to be my sewing area but it was a wasted space because I don't sew that much (cushions, curtains, doll clothing)...and I just thought it could be better utilized giving it to Tara (great decision!!!). I set everything up so she has easy access to them...markers, crayons, watercolors, papers, paper flowers, feathers, buttons etc etc etc (although I did put the glitter and tempera paints out of her reach!). Not only does she adore her grown up art studio...but she has been creating up a storm! I guide her, show her techniques but most of the time...I let her do her own thing. Nothing makes me happier than watching her! Now...it does mean more messes in my studio...but also...well worth it!

My gorgeous girl at her school Thanksgiving feast last week. I just stood there (very very thankful) and took it all in...the tilt of her face, the singing, the still chubby fingers clapping...the sheer beauty of it all. *sigh*

 

I've also been making time for self care over here (much needed all year round but especially around this time of year, no???)  I've been working out on a regular schedule, having my morning smoothies (chock full of spinach + chia seeds etc) but also allowing myself to indulge every so often. This is a slice of cheesecake (plain= my fave!!!) from the Cheesecake Factory no less (the best!). I find that a cup of tea and a few mags, writing in my journal even for 15 mins. replenishes me throughout the day. 

And we spent all day yesterday setting up our Xmas tree etc. I know...it's not even Thanksgiving yet!!!! But last year was such  mad rush that I decided to get everything ready so we can really relax and enjoy the season. I want more time for crafting + baking, for storytelling and playing...for snuggling in front of the fire and creating memories rather than everything going by in a blur. Plus, this way...we have the tree up for longer:)

appreciating the gift of simplicity

 

These days I'm all about being thankful for the everyday normal I take for granted. Do you know what I mean?? The hot cup of tea right when I need it, 15 mins. relaxing on the sofa, a fave magazine or hitting the snooze button when the alarm goes off. Maybe it's because I am going to be 45 in just a minute...but I realize more than ever how time just slips away from us. How the hours turn to days turn to years. Just like that. Without any fanfare or warning. So these days I am really embracing the moments...the messy ones, the ugly ones, the frustrating ones...sure. But also the beauty that lies in all of our moments. 

Every single day feels like a huge gift...even the days I am too tired to appreciate it. That feels like a gift too...knowing that there is a fullness to my days. As Thanksgiving approaches...I realize I have much to be thankful for. And my heart is full, friends...with wonder and simplicity and joy.

xxx

some good stuff around here

 

* this is my gorgeous girl  these days...very self assured, independent and brimming with life. She loves anything pink, sparkly and girlie (can you tell???) and wants to do everything herself, thank you very much!

Just trying to really savor every moment of her adorable self because, quite frankly, it's all going by waaaaay too fast for my liking. 

We've set up her little corner of my studio (pics soon!) and we both love it!!! Everything is arranged so Tara can be creative anytime she feels like it...and she has full access to crayons, markers, watercolors, pencil crayons, oil pastels, papers etc. She just started her very first sketchbook and is busy drawing + writing away...this is her most recent self portrait with glasses...I can't get over how detailed and emotive her drawings are. Also...did I mention we have been overtaken by glitter???? it's impossible to get this stuff out!

 This past week has been so sunny and warm that, except for the fallen leaves, is more like summer! We have been going on our photowalks...and it's refreshing, meditative and calming. Really been incorporating this into our everyday lives.

This is my breakfast most days...smoothies chock full of goodness...keeps me full until way past lunchtime. Also sticking with my morning workouts...some days it's such a struggle...I really only want to go back to sleep once the alarm goes off... but I just made pact with myself to practice self care...it's non-negotiable ...and that's that!

So happy to be featured in the Women in Art 278 November Issue that showcases female artists from all over the world! I am honored to have my work with so many talented women...my heart is full of gratitude these days. P.S. If you are interested, you can order the printed or digital version.

soulwork, heartwork, truthwork

 

(prints and original available here!!)

I've been reading through my old journals and diaries lately...mostly because I'm taking Brene's e-course and it requires a lot of deep soulwork...heartwork and truthwork. And so...I've had to go traipsing down a lot of dark alleys I really don't want to go back to. But...this is the work I have committed to.

Truth...much of my life has been filled with so much angst and broken-ness...I can barely breathe thinking about it now. There were huge periods of my life that were bleak and hopeless and what got me through...I still have no idea. Sometimes it was ...perhaps a line from a poem...a book...a bird flying through the sky on wings I wished were mine. Sometimes it was a person who took a moment to offer me a kind word...shelter. Sometimes...it was absolutely nothing but the faith in my heart that I would get through this...that everything was exactly as it was meant to be ( a bitter pill to swallow) and I was supposed to learn something grand from it all...that there was a lesson in all of the mysteries I couldn't wrap my head + heart around. Sometimes...there was numbing, toxic relationships, tears that never ended and ...writing which always healed something inside of me. Time and time again in my life...I have been broken in pieces...shattered. And this is what I can now say...

* we are all (yes...every single one of us) carrying enormous collective and personal pain. We may have different stories and different psyches..but it is part and parcel of the human experience. 

* every single time I have been shattered, I have been re-arranged like a kaleidoscope in the most wonderful of ways...a quiet strength, beauty + grace has crept into my heart and fortified my spirit. It is one of those huge mysteries of life that is not meant to be understood...only accepted with heartfelt gratitude. 

* Being honest about who we are takes big huge courage...each tiny step leading to the next. It's difficult as hell being in the trenches...but...really, it's where I need to be right now. xxx

the past week around here

 The days have been full of pumpkins, school parties and trick or treating over here...my sweet girl picks out her own costume now and, of course, it's all about the princesses!! Tara wanted to be Jasmine and she just brought her to life...what do you think?? All we needed was the magic carpet, right:) She is growing up waaaay fast...it takes my breath away and brings me to tears sometimes.But I am relishing all of our time together...tea parties on the floor of her bedroom, photowalks, singing, reading and baking. She is the jewel of our lives...truly.

My sweet girl and I...me being a witchy-poo:) I was going to be an Indian princess but it was just too much work to get both me and Tara all gussied up. Besides...only one princess allowed per house, you know:)

Loving the crisp (and sometimes very cold) Fall walks around here. The colors are simply breathtaking...stunning. And I love pointing stuff out to Tara...getting her out in nature under the blue gray skies...crunchy russet leaves under our feet.Bliss. bliss. and more bliss.

 

We celebrated Diwali this weekend. Truthfully...I haven't really done that in past years with Tara but as she gets older, I really want her to have a complete sense of the richness and complexity of her identity. I am starting to buy her a few Indian clothes (what's not to love...bright colors and sparkles???) and explain certain cultural aspects I'm proud of. As she gets older...I will explain more. And, of course, I want to take her to India one day!!!  

Loving loving loving my e-course with Brene. I am somehow processing way more listening to Brene talk  and answer questions than just from reading the book.She's sharing her own journey and life path with us and talks of the importance of creating the space to do our work...to do this work. She also shared (in this morning's video) the difference between striving for excellence (wanting to be our best) vs perfectionism ("what will they think???"). So many aha!!! moments, I can barely stand it!!!

xxx

on digging deep, setting boundaries and cultivating authenticity

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it" -Dr.Clarissa Pinkola Estes 

I've been doing some of the deep + difficult soul work that has come out of Brene's Lifeclass (one of the best things I'm doing for myself this year!!)...and it's messy! Not a little bit messy either...but big, huge, deep OMG!!! how am I going to wade through this crap kinda' messy! Until I was in my mid thirties, I had no idea what boundaries were! Okay...I knew what they were intellectually but I didn't think I even had the right to say no. I didn't have the constitution to lovingly talk about my feelings and ask for what I needed. And I had no idea what the difference was between guilt and shame because I was consumed by both. So what ended up happening was this right here: it all became a vicious cycle with one feeding into the other. And it was difficult for me to differentiate where one messy emotion started and the other ended; it all became a big huge glob of tangled up guilt/shame/guilt/shame. It was ugly. Then...somewhere in my mid-thirties I had a series of events happen that forced me to wake up. There were a multitude of betrayals and obvious overstepping of boundaries from so many people who were close to me...I couldn't ignore it any longer.  In retrospect I know it was the Universe screaming at me, trying to get my attention: it worked! And ever since then...it has been one slow step (with plenty of regressions!!) toward cultivating authenticity and setting boundaries (I believe the two go together...hand in hand).  And it has been difficult...it still is. Some days there's only a holding on to faith...other days there is a book or  a quote I hold onto for dear life. Sometimes there is a trusted friend I can spill myself open to. But many times...there is pull back to the past and just waiting out the day to start fresh tomorrow. There are times when I feel like no progress has been made at all and, actually, I've regressed ( I hate that!! but...*sigh*...am learning to trust + lean into)! All of these experiences are equally important to the journey...I am finding out. Nothing is wasted. ever. ever. ever.

 Fast forward to...when I became a mother I realized that I absolutely did not want to perpetuate this cycle...and this deep soul work became that much more important...that much more imperative. I couldn't talk or read about authenticity...I had to become authentic and practice it in tiny steps every chance I could.  And it requires courage, it requires risk, falling down, being in the space of "not knowing"...it requires heart! And the people who were not good for me...the people who were so immersed in their own shame (as I was for most of my life) that they tried to shame me??? They all fell by the wayside. When I came across Brene's work way back when I first started my blog...I was truly blown away! Her words spoke to me in a visceral way that, to this day,  is difficult for me to fully articulate. I have read all of her books many times over (complete with sticky notes and highlights!!) and her words continue to help me along this path to a more authentic self. And like I said...it's messy! But a good kind of messy because now I can see, now I have guides and community. And boy! ...does it make all the difference! 

And here's my gorgeous girl from a few weeks ago (with her dolly Emma). There have been so many changes around here... she started wearing glasses which has been an adjustment , she went through a huge (mental) growth spurt and surprises me daily with  her astute observations ...and she's just so funny she cracks us up.

 Thankful and grateful this morning...for the journey.