continued...

This post is a continuation from this morning...where I am reworking a painting of mine. I bought this  gorgeous vintage dictionary and add part of a page to her face. I love that there are words spilling out everywhere...even though most of it is going to get covered up...it's there. Oh! I just came across this quote by Joan Miro that I simply love..."I try to apply colors like words that shape poems, like notes that shape music." Isn't that just beautiful? I am going to scribble it on a piece of paper and stick it at my work station.

I start adding richer colors to her face...ochres, walnut, dark blues for shadows. You can still see some of the writing at this point...I also add some yellow paint to the background near her face.

Now I add a rich red over the yellow; I really love layering colors like this...it really gives it a richness and depth that just vibrates. I can't seem to get the same effect when I mix the colors on my palette. I also add Shiva Oilsticks over the middle part of her face. I have to allow them to dry for about 30+ hours. I am excited now...and interested to see where this painting goes. One of the really difficult things about balancing mommyhood + painting is that I can't paint when I want. It's really frustrating...I have all these ideas just bursting to get out. On the plus side...I am way more focused now; I can't procrastinate like I used to!!
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*A pic from this afternoon...Tara is an expert at making funny faces:) We spread out a beach towel and some pillows outside and read a few books... watched the sun ...and birds. The days are still quite warm here. Dear friends...I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

struggling... yet trusting the process

This is one of my paintings in progress. There are so many things I absolutely love about it...the rich, warm colors...her hair and form...but it doesn't make my heart sing. Do you know what I mean? So...I am struggling with this painting but...am also trusting the process.

I add these words from a note that Tim gave me; isn't he sweet? My husband is a romantic at heart and I have a huge box full of notes, love letters and cards from him.  I decide that I am going to use some of them in my art.   

I use water and a paper towel and wipe the background vigorously to create a distressed look and allow some of the previous layers to show through. I love all the subtle variations and colors.

I cover up the warm pink in the bottom of the painting with blue; as much as I love warm colors...I need some cool to balance things out. I am still not happy with the direction of the painting and...am really struggling with it. Should I re-work it or completely cover the entire painting or...I am attached to the painting because I have already put in so much time, energy and heart into it. Struggling...struggling. This is the part of painting that is definitely not relaxing...or meditative or...This is the very difficult part of making choices that are going to change the entire direction of the piece. What to do, what to do?

I cover up her entire face with gesso. Now..this was really late last night and...I was totally exhausted. I regretted it immediately! But only for like 2 mins. It's so easy to get attached to something we have worked on and invested so much of ourSELVES in but...I am letting go of my expectations and allowing the painting to birth itself. This is where I have to trust my intuition and listen to the painting. What is this lady trying to  say. Who is she? What is her story? This is the part of the painting process where I have to let go of this image I have in my head and allow the painting to speak to me. Stay tuned!
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*Tara  in her art class yesterday...so very proud of her! She just loves loves love her classes and paints with abandon and curiosity. She is one of my greatest teachers; it may sound so cliche but...it's the absolute truth.

filled to the brim

Our days over here are filled to the brim...with all sorts of things. I just have no idea how the year has slipped by...I mean...it's almost October!! Of course, we are in Ca. so it's still pretty much barefoot during the day; the evenings are a bit chilly though. I have to say that I actually miss snow (I am Canadian, you know!), bundling up and wintry days. Any-hoo...these past few weeks have left me more sleep deprived than usual. Tara, who normally sleeps right through the night, has been getting up a few times at odd hours. So I wake up and sit in her rocking chair with her until she falls back to sleep..and I have been exhausted in the mornings. I shortened  her afternoon nap though...so things are back to normal. I think.

Despite being super tired I have been painting up a storm over here these days! These are some backgrounds that I am working on....it's actually quite fun and meditative after a long day to listen to Dr. Estes' audio tapes and play in  paint. There are no mistakes, you know. Everything in creating is sacred....elemental. And whether a part gets covered up or not in the final painting...it's there; vital and important. I am going to post a painting in progress soon. I always mean to take pictures but then completely forget once I get going...does that ever happen to you? I think I have to post a sticky note on my desk as a reminder!

I have been reading/working through Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron and am absolutely loving it to pieces! I highly recommend it to anyone looking for their creative gold. I used to do morning pages a gazillion years ago when I read the Artist's Way but then...I can't quite remember why but... I stopped. Well I started back up again and it feels so good. It's meditative in the sense that it clears out all the garbage from your thoughts and inspires creative ones. All our angers, pains, sadness come pouring out and as we empty..we fill ourSELVES up with inspiration, ideas, joys, blessings...I am really going to try and stick with it for awhile. The whole book is difficult work with each chapter focusing on different aspects of the psyche/creative process. It's actually more like a workbook with all the exercises. Dreaming and hoping all sorts of things over here and working through some difficult things also. Dear friends... I hope you are full too...with dreams and hopes, love + art, tears and poetry...with life.

I am...

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”                    -Mary Oliver
I am...
*reading Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron and ...loving it!
*writing...doing my morning pages, telling my stories and creating with words
*painting up a storm!
*healing
*waiting for a whole pile of delicious books that I ordered to come in
*communing with trees
*sitting outside with a warm  blanket ...soaking in the crisp fall air
*remembering
*loving
*sad for things that are not
*amazed
How about you?

shine

(she was resting in her shining, archival print available here!)

There is a part of us that is never touched by the ugliness we experience; the ugliness that we do to ourSELVES and others...that which is done to us. There is a part of ourSELVES that is never touched by our broken pieces, our pain and bitterness...our sorrow and regrets. There is that part of us that stays intact... that is both vulnerable and resilient. There is a part of ourSELVES that is always resting in a shining.

(shining bright Tara)

Everyday now...I am seeking that part of mySELF more and more. She is there-as she always has been-waiting for me. We  may  push her to the very edges of ourSELVES, bury her so deep, forget all about her. But now...as I walk toward her...this is what I know; she is seeking us too.

blues + gratitude

(one of my recent art journal pages)

"I'd like a little flashlight to write poems on this non-poem day,

a tiny fleeting love poem not to the sorrow I feel,

but to the splash of sunlight that changes everything."

                                        -Zucker (this sweet poem arrived in my mailbox today!)

I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps today. I don't know if it's hormonal or the dreaded comparison monster that tends to visit us every so often or...just feeling sad and blue. So I decided to write out a gratitude list, not to dismiss my feelings and sweep them under the rug as if they don't exist, but just to change my focus on all the goodness right here in front of me.

Here's what my gratitude list looks like right now:

* my connections are growing deeper, deeper. With mySELF, my family, my friends, my work and art and life.

*my blog...every single dear soul who takes the time to read my heart and mind, these words and photos that spill out from the deepest parts of mySELF and my life...I am ever so grateful.

*my marriage which is growing into the wideness and deepness of a love that can hold everything, into a comfort that feels familiar.

*my  darling baby girl Tara who wraps me in her love and sweet sassy self every moment of every day...who shines in my eyes.
* a beautiful non-poem that I received in the mail today from sweet Jane...thank you:)
* Dr. Clarrisa Pinkola Estes ...her work feeds me and... encourages me to do my work.

*creative time with Tara...we play with paints + crayons + paper. She loves everything art and it couldn't make me happier! Sometimes...I imagine her sitting down with her children one day and doing the very same thing. Now that brings tears of gratitude to my eyes.

* curling up with a good book and a cup of tea. It's cooling down over here and there is just nothing better after a long day!

*Jen Lemen...I love the way her words bring me a sense of heart, hope and healing; a very real sense of community.   

What do you do when you are feeling blue?

astonished

"are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?
Let me keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,
which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished...
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,
which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy..."
                                              -Mary Oliver from the poem Messenger, Thirst

(from one of my art journal pages)

I have been feeling buried under the weight of years these past few days. And not in an entirely melancholy way either. But in a way that has me feeling both the sadness of things gone by and the wisdom of lessons learned.
In a way that is all at once colored by memories buried and created and made rich and worn with time. Do you ever feel that way? As I get older, I am realising how all we really have is the here and now...this moment. I am soaking into it. Deep.

                                                            (beautiful Ca. coast-today)
I woke up this morning and Summer has packed her bags and left...without even a goodbye. I am sad to see her go...even though I am eagerly awaiting Lady Fall with her brisk winds and leaves turning russet, orange, red, yellow...We went down to the harbor this morning for a short cruise and watched birds, sea lions and boats.

                                                     (watching sea lions off the coast)
Tara is such a nature lover.  She is especially interested in animals! I read her tons of books with animal themes and then try to show her real life examples. Then we paint and create them too!

                                             (a few books I am currently reading)
Immersing myself in words...tumbling off pages straight into my heart. Words thick and ripe...raw with heat and sorrow. I just started reading Naomi Shihab Nye and this book is an amazing compilation of her work.

"unfurling" inspired art journal pages

I bought this mixed media book a couple of weeks ago and have been working through some of the ideas and inspirations in my art journal. It is chock full of great ideas and instructions and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in trying out new techniques. There are so many different sections but they are tied in together really well...not confusing or overwhelming at all.  There is a whole section on clay that I just may attempt; Misty makes it look super doable and the instructions are very detailed. She even has some cut out images in the back of the book to use in our journal or sketchbooks etc. So much fun stuff to try!

This is one of my journal pages...I took a pic of myself and printed it on regular paper and then glued it to my journal page. I used acrylic paints, watercolor crayons, a Pitt brush pen . I then used images from magazines, a piece of 7 gypsies tape at the bottom, the wings and the crown are from Misty's book (her cut out images)...journal pages are super super fun..no rules, no agenda, just going with the flow. I think I am going to write over parts of this.

This was a similar process. I used a pic of my face and then painted the rest in. There are pieces of collage, stamping, acrylic paints. As you can see...I am just loving tiaras of roses ...gorgeous!!! The image of the lady in the middle is another cut out from Misty's book and this figure is modelled after her style; it's not something I would have done by myself and it was so much fun to try! Tara just adores this page for some reason...maybe the colors and the roses and wings? I may even frame this for her nursery:)

altering photo DIY -simple, fast, adorable!

This is a super easy, fast and adoooorable (don't you agree?) photo DIY.
1. I started off with a black and white photo (an actual photograph, not a digital one)
2. I cut out these roses from a magazine.
3. I simply laid the roses on top of the photo and scanned it onto my computer.
4. I had the new photo printed up. That's it!
* I find that when I contrast a black and white pic. with some color, it really makes it so much more dramatic.
Oh! And I know that tons of you can probably do this all digitally but I am not that tech savvy!!
The possibilities are endless...you can use butterfly wings, birds...so many ideas. Okay, please stop me from making a 100 of these and plastering them all over the house! Why didn't I do this sooner??

mixed media experiments and other stuff

I have been doing all kinds of mixed media experiments over here; learning so much and having fun! This painting I did is quite a departure from my usual style but...I really love her direct gaze; without negation or apology. Also...she looks really angry...which could be because that's exactly how I have been feeling lately about my recent post re. the gendercide against girls in India! It's okay for her to look angry though...art isn't always meant to be pretty and lovely. Sometimes it's bold and has it's own story to tell. I also love the richness of the colors and the dramatic composition. So...here's what I did...I prepared my (wooden) canvas with patterned paper (gift wrap, old dictionary pages, part of toy packaging) and gesso and allowed to dry. I then used a gel transfer technique to add more dimension and imagery to the surface. I sketched in the face and used Shiva oil sticks to lay in the facial colors. I used a black Pitt brush pen to define the eyes, nose, outlines. I then used stamps to add the text (journey). I also used stamps to add a pattern to her hair. I then added acrylics and inks to the background, hair and certain parts of the face. Sorry I didn't take pics of the whole process; I meant to but completely forgot! It feels good to stretch outside of my usual parameters and try out new things. We have to give ourSELVEs permission to grow and change and break those boundaries that we so often place upon ourSELVES.

Fall is definitely in the air over here. This is Southern Ca. so our days are still hot...but the evenings are getting chilly and darkness is coming earlier and earlier every day. I for one am looking forward to things cooling down. As much as I love summer...it feels good to get out our sweaters and curl up with a good book and a cup of tea. I simply can't believe it's September already!! Where did the year go to??

I recently had an unexpected connection with someone from my very distant past. Now I don't believe in coincidences...I know that every small event is exactly as it is meant to be. It has been  a gift and I am very appreciative and grateful. Life is so full of the most amazing surprises...we never know what's just around the corner, do we?
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I am announcing the winner to the print giveaway tomorrow. Tara is going to pick the winner and well, she's asleep right now! So please stop back by!

*Tara was so excited to pick out the winner of the print giveaway today! Pat H. please contact me. Thanks to everyone for your concern, heartfelt comments and for spreading the word about the gendercide in India and China. I am going to continue talking about it ; I hope you will too.

magic and mayhem

                                                             (Minnie-Mouse Tara)
We spent last weekend at Disneyland. Now I have to tell you that Disney on Labor Day weekend was not my idea of a fun time! Toddler + crowds + heat = my idea of mayhem!! I also have to tell you that I have never never ever been to Disney before (yes, I am 42 years old!!). I was never taken as child and as an adult, I had absolutely no desire to go. But Tim wanted to take Tara and she was sooooo excited...chattering about it all of last week She was telling me all the things she wanted to do and was beaming from ear to ear. So...off we went! Can I just say how much I loved it!!!! I got to see everything through Tara's eyes and it was magical. The trick was that we started off super early in the morning, spent about 3 hours there, had lunch and then went back to the hotel for a looooong nap...and then went back for a few hours in the evening. We didn't try to fit too much in or go on too many rides. That seemed to keep Tara happy and us reasonably sane!!

(Tara's fave ride!!)

*there were teacups...

(one amazing parade!!)

*princesses everywhere!!

(me and Tara-can you see us?)

*the castle that Tara never wanted to leave!!

*lots of beaming smiles from Tara!!

*the history of the whole place

The thing that inspired me the most was how Walt Disney conceived of the whole place! I mean...he was ridiculed and belittled, told he was fool for thinking of such a thing but...he dreamed up every detail in his imagination!! But the real magic???  Magician -Tara cast a spell on me and I got to be 2 years old again!!

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We just experienced a 12 hour power shortage that ended about a half hour ago! Everything was gone...no power, air conditioning, Internet!!! Nothing! That never happens to us over here. I guess it hit all of San Diego and even down into Mexico as well as parts of Arizona!I know that for so many of my sister/blogging friends around the world, this is a common problem. It makes me so very appreciative of all the things I so easily take for granted! Okay...its 3:45 a.m. and I really need to get to bed!!
P.S. I still have a FREE PRINT GIVEAWAY! Please stop by and read my post (2 down-sorry, for some strange reason I can't put a link in) and enter. I will be announcing the winner on Monday!

see me true

(always see me true, archival print available here!)

"I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do exactly what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it okay if I don't paragraph my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes"
                -Kaylin Haught, "God Says Yes to Me" from The Palm of Your Hand
*isn't this the most delicious poem you have ever read? I came across it in this book I am currently reading. It's all about living intentionally and on purpose...focusing on what really matters. She starts off the book by saying that at some point, we are all only going to have 37 days left to live. What would you do if those 37 days started right now? It certainly puts things in perspective. Me...I would spend my last days with my Tim and Tara, dear friends...with my cheek pressed against a tree, sunshine on my face...breathing in roses and wildflowers, swallowing the ocean...painting, reading poetry , eating pasta and Godiva. I would listen to opera, sing at the top of my lungs, laugh more and not worry two licks about tomorrow. And all the pettiness in day to day life...so not important! How about you?

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I have a free print giveaway in my previous post!! I will be announcing the winner next Monday so please stop by and leave a comment!

silent cries: the gendercide in India, a print giveaway and how each of us can make a difference

(It's a Girl-Documentary on the genocide against girls)

When Rita Banerji sent me a link to this clip a few weeks ago, I watched it twice and felt my heart drop. I wanted to bury mySELF with my grief and just...cry. I did cry. Sometimes I feel so hopeles. The U.N. now estimates that over 200 million (yes! 200 MILLION) girls are missing due to sex selective murder. The main culprits? India and China. I wasn't able to write this post until now because I have been alternating between being totally pissed off and utterly in despair. I have written about this issue many times on my blog...here, here and here . So...how can I write about this very same issue, that is only getting worst, in a different way. How can I say something new about this atrocity while still driving home this point right here..girls are being slaughtered in the millions and...nothing is being done! Will anything I say or do...make a difference at all? I have no idea...but here's what I do know.
Gender based violence affects us all. If we don't speak up for these baby girls who are being slaughtered in the tens of millions...who will speak up for us when the time comes? If we don't try to do something, will there be anyone left who will? If we are to raise strong sons and daughters...then we ourSELVES have to be strong. It's not just happening over there, you see. Because, once we become aware of a situation such as this,  if we don't speak out... say something, do something, pray something, act something, fight for something...then it's all happening right here...in our hearts and souls.

(Petals in the Dust-genocide against India's daughters)

I came across this story right here that I want to share with all of you. It's a Japanese parable that activist, Nobel prize winner and all round kick-ass amazing woman Wangari Maathai often quotes.

 "A big fire was destroying the forest. all the animals fled, except the hummingbird. It flew to the river, picked up one drop of water in it's tiny beak, flew back, and poured that drop on the fire. Again and again it returned to the river, each time scooping up a single drop and pouring it on the fire. The other animals watched from the far shore, laughing and mocking. The harder they laughed, the harder the hummingbird worked. "just what do you think you're doing?" the animals asked. Without stopping her work, she answered calmly, "I'm doing what I can." 
" That's all any of us can do: What we can." says Maathai.

(Brave, mixed media archival print)

So dear reader, please go over here to sign the petition against the genocide against girls in India and then leave a comment on my blog or my Facebook page to enter a free print giveaway (any print of your choice from my Etsy shop!). If you would like to read my interview (in 3 parts) with Ms. Banerji, you can go here, here and here.
To find out more about this genocide against India's daughters go here, here or here .
*And spread the word if you can...link up, tweet and FB it...my heart thanks you.

* 50 million missing website

* Rita Banerji's book 

*Rita's blog