healing and leaning into my creative self

 "Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. the light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires." -Dr. Clarrisa Pinkola Estes

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/4563-Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes

  I have so much to share about  my journey of healing and creativity...where do I start? Okay...my work has been stagnant for the past...I don't even know how long! It's been frozen and stuck and stilted. But...so have I! What I'm discovering (and I am going to be writing so much more about this in future blog posts) is that healing and creativity are intrinsically linked. For me...there is no separation. For the past many years I have been so stuck in my healing journey. Yes...I was working on things, going to therapy every single week, owning up to hard truths and processing frozen emotions from my abusive childhood...but recovery is not a linear process. It's just not! And for that matter...neither is life or creativity or relationships etc. So...yes...I continued painting but I was so unhappy with my work. I had so much to share...I had images in my heart and mind of what I wanted my painting to emerge as ...but the same frozen images kept on showing up again...and again...and again. It's almost like I just had to paint the same frozen girl/woman every single time. And so...I did!! That girl was me. I was frozen and locked in pain, suffering, denial, suffering and even apathy. So...this girl just had to be painted over and over and over again.

Fast forward to a few months ago...and I began to feel myself healing, letting go, awakening. Basically...the key was to just be where I am. It's that simple...and that difficult. No matter what came up...I decided to step into it. If I was melancholy or angry or in a funky depression...so be it. If I had to paint the same lady 101 times...well...okay then! And I had to face some terribly difficult truths. Things I had a deep knowing of that the logical mind doesn't particularly want to face...but...there it is! And in this space of true acceptance...I experienced the beginnings of healing, transformation and yes!!! ...creativity. I felt the ice thawing and my emotions spilling out onto the page. I felt free and wild and almost possessed with painting. I felt opened up to dreams, poetry, images, wet paint and wild passions.

So...I signed Tara and I up for Bliss class and it's the absolute perfect opportunity and partner to my healing/creativity right now!! Juliette doesn't teach us how to paint like her...but she teaches us how to paint like ourSELVES. She has given me the gift of opening mySELF up to my own stories, images, truthtelling and artistry. She is generous in sharing all of her tools and techniques and then allows us...gives us the space and courage...to make them our own; to put our own twist on it. And I feel so free...it's not about right or wrong...it's about curiosity, playing, experimenting and showing up to do the work. I can't recommend this class enough!

“creative entitlement simply means believing that you are allowed to be here, and that—merely by being here—you are allowed to have a voice and a vision of your own.” - Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
And so...I'm learning to make friends with my fears, to invite them along for the ride, ask them what they might have to show me...and keep on making my art. I'm learning to trust my art, my vision, my journey, my stories...my SELF. I'm also making friends with my potential...my unique voice, my courage and truth. I feel fierce yet...vulnerable. I can stand in this moment, firmly, set boundaries, ask for what I need, give myself what I need and keep on keeping on. Knowing all the while that it's all about the journey. In art...and in life. xxx

sketching on the go

 Friends...the first thing is...I'm not sure if anyone even reads my blog anymore; I haven't been here in forever!!! Despite my best efforts to keep a regular blogging schedule, I've fallen off the wagon due to 101 reasons. It's not that I don't have a ton of stuff to write about (because I absolutely do) but life just kept on cropping up. Also...I think that sometimes we just need a break, a place and space to rest and replenish until we feel ready. And it's not that I haven't been painting, creating and writing (Hop on over to my Instagram feed) ...just not here for some reason!
Anyways...I signed both Tara and me up for Bliss class by Juliette Crane (and I can't recommend it highly enough...a whole separate blog post for that!) and one of the habits I'm developing is sketching on the go. So I wanted to share what I'm learning from this process and also what's in my travel sketch kit.

Travel Sketch Kit
* 2 small sketchbooks (so I can go back and forth while pages dry). One of the sketchbooks is just a regular one for dry media...and even though I used watercolors ...I liked the effects of the buckling. If the page tore, I simply covered it up with a piece of collage...no worries! The other sketchbook is a Bee Super Deluxe for mixed media so the pages are sturdier.
* 2 small watercolor kits (a Sennelier travel one I had and a kit I made with my fave. colors)
* UHU gluestick (I ran out so next time I will definitely take a large!)
* small water cup
* a few markers
* sharpener
* Stabilo all black pencil
* a couple of ziplock bags (so important to keep watercolors in!)
* a few water-soluble oil pastels (2 whites because they can be used with other colors to vary tones and colors etc)
*collage papers
* mop type brush
* fabric throw so I can spread it out anywhere and paint/sketch
*pencil case to keep everything together

Okay...I learned so many things I wanted to share...some practical and some metaphoric.
* I didn't pack a mop brush so I used an ice cube to spread the paints! Whoa!!!!! Totally awesome and cool effects and textures. Try it...I promise you will be surprised!
* less is more. Sure...I love having all my inks and paints and....but when I have less stuff to use...it forces me to think outside the box. I used my fingers way more (which gave me a lot of very raw, emotive marks).  I didn't have a ton of colors with me so I started getting very intentional with my palette, using my white oil pastel to vary colors and tones, Also using the white of the paper a whole lot more.
* I made a ton of marks/scribbles etc that gave so much character and depth to my pages. I became very experimental and free in my mark making...most of it was going to get covered up anyways...but some of it would show through.
* I think the most important thing I learned from the entire process, though, is that it's all about the journey. It's not about the finished painting/drawing/sketch but it's about what I'm learning along the way. There is no right or wrong,...I don't have to know where the page is going...more importantly...the page doesn't have to go anywhere at all!!! I have pages that are simply full of beautiful colors, marks...a patch of graphic collage. All okay!!! 
Happy Creating!!!!

published!

I'm over the moon to be published in the current Artists' Cafe magazine!

Friends...I wrote an article about the power of art journaling, sharing our stories and standing in our truths. I have long believed in the power of storytelling as medicine. When I was still in my teens, I began art journaling before I even knew it was a thing. I simply began combining my  writing and drawing by accident and then discovered that it helped me. It was one of the tools I unknowingly used to survive my dysfunctional and abusive "family" of origin. There is an alchemy to combining our stories with art...it is storytelling from the soul. For me, it was a way to give voice to my experiences...my journals were bearing witness to what I experienced. It was a safe refuge for me to process some of the pain and to empower and validate my experiences.My earliest art journals literally became my lifeline to truth and sanity.

 This past year, as I have been entering a deeper phase of recovery, I once again find myself deeply drawn to the magic of art journaling. I hope you all have a chance to check out the article, friends...it's a 6 page spread where I completely pour out my heart and soul.

Journal Addict!!

 "One of the best-kept secrets in this technically oriented culture is that simply speaking truth heals." -  Rachel Remen, M.D.
 I love art journaling!! Always have. But lately, I have been obsessing over it, getting up in the (very) early hours of the morning to work on my pages. With no rhyme or reason...working on new and old pages as my heart and soul dictate...art journaling has been consuming me full time. I think because I have been working so hard at recovery lately...spilling all my thoughts, feelings and images onto these pages is a natural extension of that. And for some reason...as soon as I open my journal and start working...my inner critic gets kicked to the curb;! Brilliant!! Also...I love the small pages, the "no rules" mindset and combining text and image. And it has been so cathartic!! There is magic...alchemy...healing that emerges from art journaling...storytelling from the soul. 

 Now for some practical matters...you can use almost any book for art journaling. Recycled ones (I love buying used books and gluing the pages together to form a sturdy surface, applying gesso and collage and then going to town!), you can make a book yourself (love watercolor pages cut to size) ...the options are endless. I prefer a book without too many pages...it seems less daunting that way. And I tend to like to name each of my journals. It works for me because they represent a certain theme or time period but one of the beauties of (art) journaling is that anything goes. 

And I have recently tried out these Derwent Ink Blocks which I love and adore. There are so many different ways to use them (water soluble and can mix with oils!), rich colors and gorgeous tones. A whole other blog post on my fave. art supplies coming up!!

storytelling from the soul, a dream come true and the story behind it

I am so giddy with excitement to share with you that my art is on the cover of the current Art Journaling magazine!!! Can I say that this is an absolute dream come true? That my heart is overflowing with gratitude? That I started crying when I actually saw the cover? (is that silly??) That Tim and Tara are so so proud of me that it makes me crazy happy?
And can I share the back story of how this all happened?
Last summer I was going through a creative rut...stuck and stuck and then stuck some more. So I decided to take a short break from painting and immersed myself in reading and writing. One of the books I re-read was an all time fave.of mine called "Sister Outsider" by Audre Lorde. I hadn't read it since my 1st year in university (a gazillion years ago BTW!!) and everything she said resonated with me just as much as it had all that time ago ( maybe more so!). Her work gave me strength and clarity that I could then apply to my own work; what a gift!  I read, I cried, I wrote, I read some more...I cried some more. I had little stickies pasted everywhere...because if you've ever read Audre you know that everything she says is a quote!!

                                                       (a page from my Outsider Journals)
Truth: All my life I have been an outsider...to my "family" of origin, my culture and society. I just didn't fit in anywhere. It has been  a deeply painful experience...isolating and full of shame. All the trying to fit in but it never happening. All the "what if's" and ostracism. But there have been innumerable gifts that have come with it. So while re-reading Sister Outsider, I had an aha! moment. What if I not only embrace my outsider-ness but celebrate it as well???
This quote right here:
"Those of us who stand outside the circle of this society’s definition of acceptable women; those of us who have been forged in the crucibles of difference ... know that survival is not an academic skill. It is learning how to stand alone, unpopular and sometimes reviled, and how to make common cause with those others identified as outside the structures in order to define and seek a world in which we can all flourish. It is learning how to take our differences and make them strengths."
                              -The Master's Tools will Never Dismantle the Master's House, by Audre Lorde from Sister Outsider
...inspired my entire journal called the Outsider Journals.  

I went back to my art excited and inspired! I felt that each page in my journal gathered up entire pieces of my life, struggles and journey and i poured out my heart and soul. Creating the journal was cathartic and life changing and because it was private, I felt so free to allow all of mySELF and the deepest parts of my soul to shine through ! After I completed the journal I thought I could someday pass it along to Tara; it would be a road map of sorts that might inspire her to forge her own path.

Then one day we were at the bookstore and I picked up a copy of  Art Journaling mag and started reading it; my heart started racing, let me just tell you! What if I sent in my (very personal, very private) Outsider Journals ???). Eeek! Do I dare? I went back and forth, back and forth and all of my deepest darkest fears came up to the surface. What if they laughed at me? what if  I'm not really an artist? not a real one, anyway? what if I made a complete fool of myself? On and on...and on and on. 

                                                       (self portrait -Jan, 2013,  44 years young)
And then I took a big huge breath ...and knew in my heart that I deeply believe in my art and my work and I allowed that to guide me. All the things I write about on my blog that I deeply deeply believe with all of my heart + soul...( cultivating courage, I am enough, being vulnerable, being seen etc)...well, I had to put them into practice now (so so difficult) and get out of my own way!  I also know that not fitting in is an archetypal experience that most of us experience at some time or another. And the paradox of it is that we all feel so isolated in our shame that we either negate it or  never stop trying to fit in. I felt that maybe there would be other souls who could see themSELVES in my experience and so...I sent off my journal and let go...of all expectations and fears.

And that's how I came to have  6 full pages in the magazine ("Storytelling from the Soul" pg. 54) and my art on the cover as well!! Thank you so much Somerset Studio, Amber Demien and all the staff at Stampington & Company...for giving me this amazing opportunity. Thank you a hundred times over! You all have made one 44 year old woman feel like a teenager with a crush...soul full of stars + stomach full of  butterflies... leaping!  My heart is full.

altered pages: tips and techniques

Since I have been immersing myself in altered pages for the past month, I wanted to share some of what I have learned in terms of tips and techniques (+ fave. products!). I hope you will find this interesting and maybe even inspired to try some of these out for yourselves. It is so fun and addictive...pinkie-swear! There is so much freedom, learning and joy (not to mention therapy!!) that comes with art journaling. Plus...working in my art journal nourishes my creativity...it's like a mini vacation!

Some of my very fave products:

*patterened tape...the ones above are by 7 Gypsies. There is also this tissue tape  by Tim Holtz . Love!! You can use it in so many ways.

* Tim Holtz distress stain...it gives you depth and an aged look. Way too awesome!

*stamps! All kinds.

* 7 Gypsies...tags, papers, everything!

* bubble wrap

*archival pen (to journal with)

*inks, paints, gesso

But really, anything goes! I am constantly on the lookout for things I can use...packaging from Tara's toys,  receipts, stamps, junk mail, old letters and cards, envelopes...anything!

1. After I gesso my pages and let dry, I apply washes of paint. Here you can see I have used a few different washes and darker inks at the edges. I blot the middle of the page with a paper towel so I can journal in it later.

2. This is another page...I love depth, texture and layers to my page so after the paint dries, I add collage, stamps... and now I use opaque paints.

3. Next I add other elements I love...letters, words, more collage... and there's that tissue tape. There are no rules, just having fun!

4. This is the tissue tape again; I used it at the edge of each page for extra support as well as aesthetic purposes. Doesn't it look so yummy?

Now comes the super fun part...where I add writing

...photos

Here is a completed page. You can also write on the pages and then gesso over it just letting a little peek through.
A few tips:
* I try to always use archival products because I want it to last. Of course some of the collage I use are everyday/found items so I add a matte varnish over the top of the page when it is complete to seal it.
* While I do try new products I try not to get into the gotta' have everything mode ; I use a lot of what I already have. It's difficult I know because I want to buy every single Tim Holtz/7 Gypsies product ever made! But besides the cost factor (it can add up!!)...I find that it inhibits my creativity to have too many products. I pick a few faves and then come up with the other stuff on my own. It keeps things fresh and unique.
* You can photocopy personal things like  a piece of your grandma's dress, keys, letters, flowers etc and then use the printed paper as collage. This makes it super personal.
* there are no rules!
If you would like to see how I prepared the book you can see the whole process here. Would love to know what you think + some of your tips and techniques. Thanks for looking!
*********************************************************************

And I know you all won't mind me posting a recent pic of my Tara. I'm such a proud mommy to watch my little girl grow up...my heart just bursts with sweetness.

this weekend...

Tara and I have been managing to keep our cool in this sweltering weather
 (110 F!!!) this past week! Lots of iced water and air conditioning!  I picked up the current copy of Sommerset House Art Journaling and it is chock full of inspiration!

It's the very first time I bought this particular mag and...it's going to keep me inspired for months! I bought it because a fellow blogger has her work published in this issue...it is amazing and exciting! Orly talks about keeping a travel journal and there are so many innovative yet practical tips...I just wish I had known some of these techniques on my previous travels. Without giving too much away, she talks about unconventional travel journals that really capture the essence of a place...here's a peek...Scrumptious!

I have also been finishing up a painting...my colors nowadays are pinks and yellows and lime greens. Inspired by summer? or my mood? I also picked up a Sharpie paint pen that is fantastic!You have to depress the tip and shake it before using.  Those gel roller pens just never quite worked out for me-they always quit working after a day or so!

I have also been working so hard on my website-you can take a peek here at http://www.sorayanulliah.com/   It is not 100% complete yet but my heart is bursting with such pride and joy. I have wanted to do this for such a long time! And I did it all myself (yikes!!) -with the help of Squarespace-they made it totally doable. I also worked on some canvas backgrounds and am enjoying this new direction that my art is taking. I am open to the journey. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!