celebrating milestones and more

 “Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them - a mother's approval, a father's nod - are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives.” 
                                                               -Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
Tara turned 5 last week and I am still trying to wrap my head around it...where did the time go???It seems as if it was just yesterday when I first saw her little angel face and felt my whole heart break wide open with infinite love. And somehow...turning 5 seems so much different than all her other birthdays...this one seemed like a milestone. Every day she's opening herself up to the larger world...and more and more I see how she is truly growing up. It's bittersweet...so so bittersweet. Because a huge part of me yearns for the time of baby feet and baby smells but another part of me is so very proud of the little girl she's grow up to be. So amidst all the celebrating ...and truly, there is so much to celebrate...there was also a little bit of small mournings, tears and transitions. I guess so much of life is all about letting go, though...isn't it??

 Tara actually had an entire birthday weekend where she got to do all the fun stuff she loves...going to her fave. restaurant, hanging out with her friends, going to the movies...and of course... being a princess!

 In other news...I have fallen behind on my blog. I am trying to be a full time mom while still practicing self care (ie. sleep!!!) and still get into my studio!!!! Okay...there are only 24 hours in the day:) But I am not stressing out about any of it anymore...I just do the best I can knowing full well that the time will come soon enough when I will have all the time I need. So...for now...I accept that I can't do everything I would like!

 The past week has been frosty cold and while it all looks so beautiful with tons of photographic opportunities...I'm kinda' wishing we were in Jamaica right about now:) Okay...Spring...where are you?? Unfortunately...there's just no end in sight with heavy snowfalls and blizzards every other day. On the plus side, it makes for tons of time snuggling and reading, though:)

And these are a couple of sheets of (watercolor) paper I'm preparing...am going to continue adding layers and layers and layers...drips and splatters of inks, paints, markers, oil pastels, patterned papers...building up history and depth so I can paint my stories on them. I'm enjoying the process of discoveries...trying out new techniques + color combos and above all...letting go.

back in my studio

 

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” 

                              -Frederick Buechner, Now and Then: A Memoir of Vocation

                                                            

I haven't been painting these past few weeks. With Tim and Tara being sick I just haven't had the time. But this Saturday, I spent all morning in my studio. Bliss!! Just to get in here and open paint jars, dip my brushes in luscious colors and play around...sipping my coffee and listening to Dr. Estes (Theatre of the Imagination). Felt so good!! I am at a cross roads in my art, though. Stuck in that abyss of leaving behind what I was doing yet not really knowing where I am going. Sounds  a lot like my twenties:)

I know that my work is changing. It must. It has to. I feel it. But I keep on reverting to what I know...the comfortable, the familiar. And I have to push mySELF to get to another place. A place where I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing. A place full of frustration. and fear. I have to relax. and trust. And let go. Also... I have to go to that ugly place.

And so I struggle. Feeling my way into the depths of who I am. Into who I want to become. Into where I want my art to go. I have no idea, really. It's all about experimenting and pushing mySELF into the unknown.  Lots of layers and collage and splatters and drips...and then covering so much of it all up with gesso. Lots of reading as well...and pages and pages of writing. This where I am ...and I know that this place of confusion and being stuck has it's value too. Maybe the most value. It's all part of the process. I am listening to my life.

filled to the brim

Our days over here are filled to the brim...with all sorts of things. I just have no idea how the year has slipped by...I mean...it's almost October!! Of course, we are in Ca. so it's still pretty much barefoot during the day; the evenings are a bit chilly though. I have to say that I actually miss snow (I am Canadian, you know!), bundling up and wintry days. Any-hoo...these past few weeks have left me more sleep deprived than usual. Tara, who normally sleeps right through the night, has been getting up a few times at odd hours. So I wake up and sit in her rocking chair with her until she falls back to sleep..and I have been exhausted in the mornings. I shortened  her afternoon nap though...so things are back to normal. I think.

Despite being super tired I have been painting up a storm over here these days! These are some backgrounds that I am working on....it's actually quite fun and meditative after a long day to listen to Dr. Estes' audio tapes and play in  paint. There are no mistakes, you know. Everything in creating is sacred....elemental. And whether a part gets covered up or not in the final painting...it's there; vital and important. I am going to post a painting in progress soon. I always mean to take pictures but then completely forget once I get going...does that ever happen to you? I think I have to post a sticky note on my desk as a reminder!

I have been reading/working through Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron and am absolutely loving it to pieces! I highly recommend it to anyone looking for their creative gold. I used to do morning pages a gazillion years ago when I read the Artist's Way but then...I can't quite remember why but... I stopped. Well I started back up again and it feels so good. It's meditative in the sense that it clears out all the garbage from your thoughts and inspires creative ones. All our angers, pains, sadness come pouring out and as we empty..we fill ourSELVES up with inspiration, ideas, joys, blessings...I am really going to try and stick with it for awhile. The whole book is difficult work with each chapter focusing on different aspects of the psyche/creative process. It's actually more like a workbook with all the exercises. Dreaming and hoping all sorts of things over here and working through some difficult things also. Dear friends... I hope you are full too...with dreams and hopes, love + art, tears and poetry...with life.

painting with "theatre of the imagination"

(tonight in my studio)

I have been busy busy painting tonight. There is just something about being all rested and replenished that leads me straight to the heart of creating. I am currently listening to the audio series Theatre of the Imagination by Dr. Estes. Can I just say that she has the most beautiful voice? I mean it is sweet and mysterious, deep and warm...an absolute pleasure to listen to. This is a two volume series of oh!...I think about10-12 tapes. I am listening to them while I paint. She is a master storyteller in the age old tradition...she infuses every word with depth, breadth...nuance and life. This series tells us about our psyche...using fairy tales and archetypal psychology, poetry, life experiences and wisdom. I actually purchase this series last year but with moving etc..I just couldn't get to it. Now is the absolute perfect time, though because I am so open and receptive in a different way than I was even a few months ago.

(She Holds the Key to Knowing, mixed media on canvas)

I just love love love this woman to pieces! Am I gushing?? I have absolutely no shame in my complete and utter embracing of her work and spirit. Every word she speaks is a magical potion of unflinching truth, brilliance and understanding... poetry and wisdom. She combines her life experiences with Jungian (archetypal) psychology to give us the keys to our own knowing. She teaches us how to mend our broken pieces (we all have them) and how to be strong, fierce, vulnerable, kind, strong, loving...human. The part I am deeply deeply listening to right now is all about intuition and insight (inner sight). How our intuition can be weakened and how to retrieve and fortify it. How intuition is linked to every single aspect of our lives and she also speaks of it's relationship to creativity. Juicy good stuff and I highly highly recommend this series to everyone. Any of her work...really.

(side of wood panel)

I am using these deliciously thick wood panels that I discovered at Dick Blick. I just love how thick the sides are. And it is a bit of a different experience painting on wood as opposed to canvas. I love it!
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                                                                (yesterday afternoon)
Tara has been a busy bee creating art too! We have been making a few gifts to send to a few dear, loved ones all over the world. She loves yellows and pinks, blues and greens...watercolors, acrylics, crayons, markers...everything! I just love her complete abandon and confidence. She totally inspires me and I am mindful to bring some of that fearless abandon into my work as well.

This painting right here is for her darling daddy.

this and that

(so happy happy to be painting!)

* I am back to painting!! Okay...my studio is still in shambles with boxes everywhere...but today I managed to paint for  a few hours...luscious... playing in juicy colors, splashing water on canvas...so good!
* Am exhausted from a very long week...had a medical appointment all the way in San Diego proper. Okay...driving on the interstates here...not getting any better. It seems that over here, no one goes the speed limit or signals when they change lanes! Yikes...it's driving me nuts!
* spent half a day this week at the DMV...ughhh!
* Am going to Patty's studio warming tomorrow afternoon...so fun and I can't wait. Hope I am not too sleep deprived and can carry on a somewhat intelligent conversation:)

                                                      (this afternoon...while Tara was napping)
* have no idea how I am going to pick the winner for the tote (bloghop prize). Initially I was going to get Tara to pick out the name but...I was only expecting like... 20 or so people to enter!!! With over a 100 comments...anyone have any ideas???
* I did a really fun interview that Diana is going to post on Sunday...hope you get a chance to read it here!
Hope you all have a great weekend!

inspiring me ...

*this luscious book on Modern Indian art called the Flamed Mosaic...stunning, amazing, inspiring! + my brass Buddha...always reminding me to be...present

* my beautiful baby girl-I can't believe how fast she is growing up. She inspires me to be a better person...in every choice, in every moment. I don't always live up to my expectations but...I try, I try, I try

* Just picked up the current issue of Artful Blogging...dripping with ideas, heart and eye candy!

* unpacking my art supplies...jewel-toned colors, old paintbrushes, jars of paint and inks...set my heart racing!

*best of all..Tara and I collaborated on  a painting just yesterday!! She teaches me so much-to be in the moment and let loose, to have fun and make a happy mess! To be joyful in the creating. The most difficult part of our art time...putting the paints away!! She's such  a great artist-I am going to frame this for her nursery.
What's inspiring you lately?

These past few days...

(working on backgrounds)

These past few days I have been...
*painting
*taking Tara to the park everday (she loves it there)
*logistically planning our move with Tim
*catching up on some reading
*going to bed at a decent hour:)
*planning Tara's Halloween costume (she is going to be the cutest good little witch!)
Tim is here tomorrow and we are leaving for Virginia Beach on Saturday for the long weekend. I can't wait...we really need some R&R over here! I hope all of you have a great weekend too!

fullness...

(awakening to the fullness of herSELF, 9" x 12")

 I have been immersed in painting. After few days of lollygagging..it's back to the studio. Once Tara goes to sleep...I head in there for hours and paint my heart out. I am so tired at the end of the day but once I start painting...I become energised and time...flies! Before I know it...it's 2 in the morning! I love this lady over here...with her big hair and her curious and tender expression. All these ladies that I paint...they spring out of the deepest parts of me; a merging of my heart, mind, soul.  The tenderness and love I feel for them...surprise me sometimes.
Happy weekend to you all! Tim's here tomorrow...big happiness in our hearts!

In My Studio...

I have carved out some time to paint these last few days. It feels so good after a couple of weeks of computer/biz related stuff. Just to get in there... play my Andrea Bocelli music, a hot cup of tea and lose myself in the process. BTW..I grabbed my paint water by accident, thinking it was my tea!! Thank goodness I realized it in time...does kooky stuff like that happen to you? Happens to me all the time! Beautiful colors...paints...Indigo, cerulean, magenta, burnt sienna, crimson, paynes gray..all the magnificent shades of yellow that are calling me these days. I have been working on backgrounds, paintings in progress and new ones...happy...

this weekend...

Tara and I have been managing to keep our cool in this sweltering weather
 (110 F!!!) this past week! Lots of iced water and air conditioning!  I picked up the current copy of Sommerset House Art Journaling and it is chock full of inspiration!

It's the very first time I bought this particular mag and...it's going to keep me inspired for months! I bought it because a fellow blogger has her work published in this issue...it is amazing and exciting! Orly talks about keeping a travel journal and there are so many innovative yet practical tips...I just wish I had known some of these techniques on my previous travels. Without giving too much away, she talks about unconventional travel journals that really capture the essence of a place...here's a peek...Scrumptious!

I have also been finishing up a painting...my colors nowadays are pinks and yellows and lime greens. Inspired by summer? or my mood? I also picked up a Sharpie paint pen that is fantastic!You have to depress the tip and shake it before using.  Those gel roller pens just never quite worked out for me-they always quit working after a day or so!

I have also been working so hard on my website-you can take a peek here at http://www.sorayanulliah.com/   It is not 100% complete yet but my heart is bursting with such pride and joy. I have wanted to do this for such a long time! And I did it all myself (yikes!!) -with the help of Squarespace-they made it totally doable. I also worked on some canvas backgrounds and am enjoying this new direction that my art is taking. I am open to the journey. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!

A Happy Mess!

I have made some time to create these last few days...what a happy mess! I find that now that my time is so limited, it has forced me to focus more and use every minute I can efficiently. Multi-tasking, prioritising and scheduling...not pretty words to me but...so necessary!!

                                          Happy weekend...creating, living, loving...

Work in Progress Part 1

Recently I was asked by  a fellow blogger if I would post my painting process. What a great idea! (thanks Amy) So I am going to post a work in progress for the next few Tuesdays until it is done.

Here are the materials I use:
Acrylic paint (mostly Liquitex, Golden fluid and regular)
Shiva Oilstiks
Portfolio Water Soluble Oil Pastels
Pencil
Pitt Artist Pen (black)
Canvas
Collage materials (newspaper, sheet music, patterned paper)
Gesso
Matte Medium
Canvas (gallery stretched)

 I start with a basic sketch. I have a general idea of what I want the painting to look like but I am open to the painting evolving as we go along as well.

                                                            This is just pencil on canvas.

          

                                                            I lay in washes of acrylic.

I want her to have an Indian script dress so I use matte medium to collage newspaper for her dress. I add some basic color washes to her face and neck.

I add more color and a few collage pieces to the background. Add some definition to the form. Still have a long way to go but it's starting to develop. I am open to any questions-feel free to ask. More next Tuesday!

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We received some cards in the mail from Tim yesterday...He is the sweetest, most generous man I know. Always doing special little things for us. I am lucky and...loved.

 

                                               

                          

Painting Again!

I started painting again! With Tara in "school" for half the day, I have huge chunks of time to paint now. I am just loving it! Paints and brushes and ...ideas, ideas, ideas. I had a few paintings in progress that I can hopefully bring to completion soon.

Tara is adjusting well to her new routine. She is still having separation anxiety...totally normal and understandable considering that she is used to being with me all the time.. But she is definitely taking to it.

I am also researching websites etc so hopefully soon I will have one up and running!

 happy weekend-painting, creating, living, loving, relaxing...

My He(ART)-full Life

The start of a new year-2010. I want to paint more, love more, appreciate all the "GRANDEUR" of life-from the miniscule to the miraculous. Be fully in the moment, life goes by so fast so just really be in the "here and now". So much has happened this past year-I gave birth to a beautiful, bubbly piece of miracle, my baby girl Tara Sophia-at the age of 40!!! Maybe because she was such an unexpected gift in our lives-we are totally in AWE! I started painting again a couple of months ago and have a new collection in the works "Invoking the Goddess". Trying to fit in my painting with ...everything else has been difficult but my hubby is SO supportive and hands-on (Thanks honey!)-I can fit it all in. Or at least...try to!!