messages

(I saw this gorgeous message over the weekend)

"…that many things …propose… and bring creative life, healing, ideas, innovations, inventions, and solutions, to real down-to-earth issues and challenges. And these actually come out of the dark, from out of nowhere, seemingly, they come from over your shoulder. They come from just out of the corner of your eye. They come from the unconscious; they come from the part of the psyche that stores not just quirks and oddities and forgotten shreds of memory and so forth, but also stores of great gifts… insight, intuition, knowledge, that some people would call uncanny only because it doesn’t appear to come from the forefront of the mind. "-Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Mother Night

Living on the edges  is lonely...very difficult and can be overwhelming. On the fringes of society, our families and even...our very SELVES. But as I am listening to Mother Night (another amazing work by Dr. Estes)...I am reminded of the value in being an outsider. I am reminded of the fact that so many many of us are, in fact, outsiders. Dancing on the very edges; that's where we receive our gold. Our messages come from this place of...lost dreams and lost selves. Where do we get our ideas from? Anywhere and everywhere as long as we are open to it...maybe a line  in a book somewhere, an old photograph or journal ..or maybe a piece of art, a blog post I read this morning...a conversation with a friend.

I am remembering dreams I had (long forgotten or given up on) and making my way back to them. These dreams that were born in hope or fear or love or...even loss. I am going to give them space to breathe, write them down and see if they have wings to fly. Listening to the messages that are coming to me from everywhere these days.

house of my soul

(She has a Story to Share, mixed media on canvas)

Myth is more individual and expresses life more precisely than does science... Thus it is that I have now undertaken, in my eighty-third year, to tell my personal myth. I can only make direct statements, only "tell stories." Whether or not the stories are "true" is not the problem. The only question is whether what I tell is _my_ fable, _my_ truth."

                                                          (Memories, Dreams, Reflections-C. G. Jung)

I've been reading bits and pieces of this book and am fascinated with Jung. His spirit radiates through his work... right into me. He wrote this book toward the end of his life (he was over 80 years old) and it is unlike any other book; it's a spiritual autobiography. He allows us to see into the window of his inner journey. He puts his fears, weaknesses and human frailties all on full display for us to see. He talks about the importance of myth; how we are stories. He merges science with spirit and gifts us with his life experiences...undiluted. One of the concepts he speaks of is the House of our Soul. So...I have been reflecting on this precious concept.

What does the house of my soul look like?? I would like to share some of what I wrote...

Beautiful door = using all of my life experiences to lead me to mySELF. It is safe and beautiful...full of art + books + photos + flowers + LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! There is community and kindreds. And while I don't want judgement, regret, bitterness...there is space for it here too. It is a place where I have come to terms with my life as it is. there is hope here. And joy. There is also a room for my pain + sadness; of people long gone but whose memories linger.

All things in life lead to (or away) from this house.

It is seeing ourSELVES in our dark and ...our light. What does the house of your soul look like??

It's November?? + ramblings + dreams

It's November?? I can't believe how fast this year has just zoomed by!! As I sit here-typing this post up-I don't have a clear idea of what I want to say exactly...just that I want to write. Since I have been reading so much...I am feeling a deeper and deeper need to write more! Funny how that happens! How one thing leads to another. That's why it's so important to follow these little nudges + whispers that we hear...you know, the ones that say...pick up that poetry book or sign up for that class. Because we never know where that path may lead to, what inspirations it may ignite. For instance, I am currently reading Amy Tan's memoirs called The Opposite of Fate. In it she shares how before the age of say, 35, she didn't even know that she could write books!!! I mean...the Amy Tan!!! It was humbling to hear that, don't you think? I think so many of us limit ourselves so much...thinking we can't do that (say...write poetry) . Or we can only do that (say, take photos)!! And we may block off a whole world of gifts and talents...opportunities...waiting to be heard. Just waiting for us to listen to them. I also think that we have to keep our dreams in safe places when they are fragile and tender. They need to be able to grow and blossom in fertile ground; we need to protect and nurture them. Okay...maybe I'm rambling on a bit now!!!

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Speaking of how time flies...I recently came across this pic. of Tara poo when she was just 10 months old..right around this time of year. I can't believe that she was ever this tiny!!

Oh! and I threw my back out on Wed. morning!! It all started out innocently enough. I was sweeping the kitchen floor and I bent down to get the dustpan...and there you go!! I don't know if I just twisted the wrong way or what. Sigh. Well, it's raining over here. Tim's home and we are going to spend all day resting + snuggling + reading + playing with Tara. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend too!!

"letting life happen"

  " Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

After my last post of sheer ...overwhelm things have turned around. I am a little wary of getting too excited after all the twists and turns of the past few months but...we move out of here this Saturday!!! That's the plan and I think it's actually going to happen this time!! Can you hear a huge loud OMG!!! over there in your corner of the world?? I am soooo excited I can barely stand it!! It's a gorgeous house with lots of light pouring in everywhere,  huge windows...honey wood floors...A ginormous backyard (with rose bushes, a tiny bridge and a play set for Tara) ...can't wait to show you pics. There is a darling little deck off the master bedroom where we can have breakfast and Tara has a nursery and a tiny playroom (actually a huge closet that slopes and turns towards the back)!!. And guess what?? ...I am going to have an entire room for my studio!!  (happy just thinking of it!!)
The house is not very big but so beautiful and homey.  Also...it's much closer to San Diego proper so Tim doesn't have to drive for 2 hours a day to commute to work. That would have been brutal. We are going to rent it for a year (we were going to buy but that's another long story) and just couldn't be couldn't be more over-the-moon excited about it!

So I have been planning and scheming and writing down all sorts of lists...
* I have this sumptuous red/pink/gold sari fabric that I want to turn into curtains for my studio...maybe add a swath of turquoise fabric at the bottom?
* am going to put Tara's birdhouse collection on the huge tree by the side of the house
* can't wait to get all my books and art supplies out!!! (swoon)
* am actually looking forward to washing dishes and cleaning and cooking (never thought I would ever say that!!!!)
* am writing out ideas for paintings and projects and...all sorts of things
* am looking forward to Tara getting back on her schedule and Tim and I spending some quality time together (can't remember what that's like)
* am going to get a little chimeneya (an outdoor fireplace) that I have always wanted...
* am already planning -in every detail -my little studio...storage solutions, organizers, inspiration board...
* so looking forward to eating a real home cooked meal
These past 7 (??) weeks or so have been  jam packed with so many emotions, a blur of activity and ups and downs...Just breathing a huge sigh of relief over here...taking a huge breath and "allowing life to happen"...