creative life ( exhaustion, excitment, news...)

Have I ever shared how insecure I am about my art?? Not about the value of it or the absolute need I have to create...but about putting my heart and soul out there...completely vulnerable... for all the world to see. It's terrifying. and daunting. It's like walking around naked for complete strangers to see, well ...everything. But there's also a lifting of my heart, an unburdening of my soul as well. Ying and yang. They balance each other and drive me to get into my studio no matter how exhausted I am. In my last post I talked about listening to Mother Night by Dr. Estes...and she talks about being an in(SPIRIT)-ress...which is really about moving through our "I don't belong", gathering all of our hubris and spinning it into creative gold. Love this audio series...it is so rich that each new listening gives me a thousand aha!! moments...opening doors within mySELF I never knew were there.

 

Just this past week I was contacted by a store (The Funky Caravan) in Old Colorado (totally artsy part of town) and asked to show my work.  I went in to meet the manager (Janis) and loved the energy of the store (very eclectic + Indie) so...here I am a few days ago. I'm very happy, I swear...just exhausted and maybe that shows in the pic?? So much work goes into it...making prints, packaging, writing, presentation...but I LOVE the process. And of course, every little detail has to be just right because I'm sending my art off into the world. It was one of my goals for the year but I had no idea how to go about it and no time to find out!! So...I feel that this was just the opportunity I was waiting for. Hopeful + happy + afraid!!

 

Another artist at the Funky Caravan...Liese Chavez ...whose work is simply stunning! Very SOUL-full. I had the pleasure of meeting her a few days ago and she was darling...such good energy and completely down to earth! She was voted best artist in Colorado Springs twice in a row...and I think a third time coming soon! My work is hanging right across from hers so ...it's... uh...very intimidating to say the least.

 

And...my sweet birdie a few days ago...full of light and love. I started this new thing where she gets to pick her own clothes every morning (of course, there are a couple of rules!!).  I find that it cuts down on power struggles plus has the added bonus of making her feel like a big girl. The funny thing is, now that she can wear whatever she wants, she frequently defers to me!! Of course she loves anything pink and sparkly (tutus are a fave)...and prints and pretty. So...she picked out her entire outfit in this pic and is just beaming with pride...makes mamma happy:) 

*Happy Friday friends!!

things around here...

There's so much that has been going on over here...where do I start?? First of all...it's been so nice to take a short break from blog land. as much as I love writing and sharing, I was seriously getting burned out! I have been managing to paint...(this is the canvas that's on my easel right now), catch up on sleep and reading (!!!)...and just puttering around. On Friday I went to lunch with  a new creative friend and it was so nice to chat about all sorts of things. How we compare ourselves to others and then beat ourselves up (!!), the frantic trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing and why aren't we there yet and on and on...and on. I think we all go through these phases and it's completely normal and expected. But it's also important to unplug from all those expectations and forge our own path...at our own pace! And realize that we each have our own time, our own path.
I have also been listening to Mother Night: Myths, Stories and Teachings for Learning to See in the Dark by Dr. Estes. Can I just share that it is brilliant, freakin' amazing and inspiring?? I put it on while I am painting and no matter how exhausted I am, I instantly fill up my energy resources and hours fly by!! She talks of the medial woman...living in 2 worlds, of being an in-spirit-ress (my absolute new fave word!!), how to throw off over-accultration and a million and one things that are absolutely necessary if we are to live authentically. I seriously love this woman and am ever so grateful for the work she does.

Then...last week I received a gorgeous gift package all the way across the ocean from my sweet friend Dee. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to open up my present all wrapped up in purple and silver: handmade inspirational cards (above pic). And another pack of cards revealed my word for the year (DARE!!). All the thoughtfulness, beauty and magic melted my heart. And I now feel so daring and inspired!! I have them stored on a tiny china plate in my studio; whenever I feel overwhelmed or scared...I hold an intention in my heart and pick one!!! I love them!!! Thank you sweet lady Dee:) Thank you thank you!!!

And of course I have been spending time with my family...Tim and my sweet birdie. Every day Tara has more and more independence, I am giving her little bits of freedom and responsibilities and she loves it!!! Small things like putting her dirty  clothes in the laundry basket or being responsible for her fave. bear. We also have special mommy/daughter dates where we chat, laugh and eat:) I can't believe how she's sprouting up in every way...sweet and loving, sassy and curious...and... a complete chatterbox!!!! Must take after me:)
** Also...this morning I caught a bit of Dr. Brene Brown on Super Soul Sunday and I am thrilled!!! I read her book Dare Greatly (twice!!) and it was a life changer in so many ways. I absolutely recommend it! I started reading her blog way back when...But to see her with Oprah was...surreal. But so happy that her work is getting out there to a larger audience.the world needs more authenticity, courage and...daring!! Thank you Brene!! I still have so much more to share...but it will have to wait for next time:) Hope you all have been doing well...and I have really missed coming here to this sacred space of connecting. xxx

messages

(I saw this gorgeous message over the weekend)

"…that many things …propose… and bring creative life, healing, ideas, innovations, inventions, and solutions, to real down-to-earth issues and challenges. And these actually come out of the dark, from out of nowhere, seemingly, they come from over your shoulder. They come from just out of the corner of your eye. They come from the unconscious; they come from the part of the psyche that stores not just quirks and oddities and forgotten shreds of memory and so forth, but also stores of great gifts… insight, intuition, knowledge, that some people would call uncanny only because it doesn’t appear to come from the forefront of the mind. "-Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Mother Night

Living on the edges  is lonely...very difficult and can be overwhelming. On the fringes of society, our families and even...our very SELVES. But as I am listening to Mother Night (another amazing work by Dr. Estes)...I am reminded of the value in being an outsider. I am reminded of the fact that so many many of us are, in fact, outsiders. Dancing on the very edges; that's where we receive our gold. Our messages come from this place of...lost dreams and lost selves. Where do we get our ideas from? Anywhere and everywhere as long as we are open to it...maybe a line  in a book somewhere, an old photograph or journal ..or maybe a piece of art, a blog post I read this morning...a conversation with a friend.

I am remembering dreams I had (long forgotten or given up on) and making my way back to them. These dreams that were born in hope or fear or love or...even loss. I am going to give them space to breathe, write them down and see if they have wings to fly. Listening to the messages that are coming to me from everywhere these days.