truthtelling: day #22

"...I have a duty to speak the truth as I see it and to share not just my triumphs, not just the things that felt good, but the pain, the intense, often unmitigating pain. It is important to share how I know survival is survival and not just a walk through the rain."- Audre Lorde

 I've been writing since I was in my very early teens. I had journals that morphed into sketchbooks; pages and pages of pains and hurts, dreams and hopes,  letters  I never sent and corny teenage diary stuff. Later on...I started combining drawings with my writing; everything went into my books! Writing was my lifeline through a very turbulent and painful childhood (no exaggeration!). Even before I knew about the therapeutic benefits of writing...my instinct was to go to my secret books and pour out my heart and soul. Quite simply...writing saved me!! It taught me that there is no shame in claiming all of mySELF. Writing showed me a way through my suffering, a path through my silence...step by step, page by page, word by word. Writing empowered me!

Some experiences leave us broken and shattered, our selves completely rearranged,  and it's very obvious that we need to heal the pain and suffering . But...sometimes (often?) ...there are minor assaults on our spirit that occur day after day, week after week that are not so easy to identify...but that build up over time. Often...life doesn't turn out quite the way we expect or want. Sometimes...life brings major challenges (understatement) and we are forced to accept that life isn't "fair" or just or.... When I was much much younger, I used to fantasize about a time in my life where I would  be prancing around, completely healed...utopia!! But ...now I understand that healing is a multi layered process...there are stories within stories, hurts within hurts, betrayals upon betrayals. There are pieces of ourSELVES that will never heal completely; that will always be broken + crippled and gasping for air. But maybe, just maybe...those shattered pieces can be transformed and used as fuel for other parts of ourSELVES and our lives.They will still be there...ugly and desperate...but bringing them to light may transform us. Writing does that for me! It gathers up all of the ugly parts of mySELF and gives them voice and shape + form.

And I find...that by laying claim to all of who I am...I can still be open to the beauty and joys of life. xxx