One day last week I was chatting with another mom at the bookstore while the girls were playing...and I happened to mention that I have a blog. Well...this lady just about fell off her chair!!! She said "you do what???". She was incredulous...let me just tell you. I tried explaining it to her few times and then just gave up. Some of what she asked /said were..."what a waste of time", "who reads those things anyways" + "why would anyone do that???". But it was all those unsaid words + emotions hanging out in her eyes and posture that spoke volumes. She almost became angry, judgemental and...just a little bit afraid, I think. And I totally understand. I get it. I really really do. A few years ago if someone had told me that I was going to write a blog and send my thoughts, emotions, heart + soul out into the world...I would have probably thrown up from fear. no kidding either. I would probably have felt more comfortable running around naked in Times Square than exposing my whole entire self this way. But now...just 2+ years after...it feels as easy + natural to me as breathing.
When I first started my blog I had no real plan...I had some vague idea that I wanted to get my art out there, be creatively and intellectually challenged. Plus I had picked up a copy of Artful Blogging a few months back + was totally inspired. But...actually, I had no idea what the hell I was doing!!! All I know is that I was very lonely + isolated. A new mom (Tara was just about to turn 1) trying to cope with a million things at once. Tim was away a lot for work and something in my heart + soul told me to do it. I listened!!!
Now...here's the thing about blogging (and this is difficult, if not impossible to explain to someone unless they have experienced it for themselves)...but it changed my life!!! And I am not being melodramatic, I swear (although I do have a tendency to be sometimes). But it absolutely changed ...me!!! Now when I look back and read through some of my earlier posts...I see someone in search of her voice. A little unsure, a little desolate + lost...but still...showing up. I see someone who has a sense of humor...and who tries. 
Right when I started my blog, I made the decision that I was going to be real. I mean...I wasn't going to put all of this time + energy into something and not be mySELF. It was difficult, don't get me wrong. I mean...who wants to spill out their guts when things aren't quite going right and you feel overwhelmed, depressed, hurting, insecure??? So much easier to hide + pretend. But...how else are you going to seen? I had no interest in portraying my life as perfect or incredibly interesting or or or. And life experiences have taught me that when I am not honest with my feelings...I walk away from mySELF and just increase the pain + isolation of whatever I am feeling. So...blogging became my connection to others but also to mySELF...who I am + who I am becoming.
And so...yes...I did get my art out there but blogging has led me to so much much more. Each and every day I get more brave. I am inspired by so many other incredible souls who are being true to themselves and creating + writing + blogging and ...being real. Each day...I get less judgmental toward myself...kinder and more accepting. I dig deeper into myself to speak my truths no matter how uncomfortable or painful. And even if my words are clumsy...or inadequate...still I try. And the connections that I have made through my little blog have been incredibly rich and real. All the way across oceans and seas...hearts + minds + spirits connect me to soul sisters everywhere.
And this degree of authenticity informs my life in everything I do now. In my art, writing, relationships, marriage, mothering. Everything. And it has made me a far richer person and... stronger.
So...you see...it's pretty difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it what blogging really means to me. The alchemical combination of heart + soul + art + words + connections + authenticity + photography + life + passion + love = magic. So there you go. Just a few of my thoughts on blogging. Now when someone asks me..."you do what????" ...I am going to look them square in the eye and say..."why yes. Yes...I am a blogger". chuckle chuckle.
4 comments:
Sooo beautifully put, Soraya!! And I must say that blogging is like breathing for me. I can't NOT do it!!!
Happy to have found you through Kelly Rae's class a few years ago. You have grown so much and I enjoy seeing your art in Somerset!!
Leslie
Bravo Soraya Bravo!!! So well said and I'm so pleased you did start blogging. We would never have "met" otherwise. My friends here in SA are the most off-putting when it comes to discussing my blog. They look at me as if I am stark staring mad and will not on any account read it so I don't mention it. I've been asked how I can (shamelessly) put myself out there...... but if I hadn't I would have missed out on the most amazing friendships. What a great topic!
i agree with the above comments - you have so much to share and we are all richer because you do. i go back and forth with my own blog often - why do i do it? is anybody out there reading? should i do something different with it? but i continue because it gives me a voice and a way to work on myself. plus, i treasure the other blogs i read, such as yours.
From the moment I realized there were such things as blogs back in 2002 it just seemed natural to me to have on. I'd always kept handwritten journals & blogging just seemed like a more fun, visual, social extension of journalling. Ten years later it still just seems so normal and average so I was caught off guard the other day when chatting with a new acquaintance to hear negative remarks about blogging. I casually asked if she were keeping a blog about her family's new farming adventure and she responded with a very derisive "No, I'm too busy to waste my time with that silliness. Only bored housewives with too much time on their hands write
blogs. How self absorbed is it to think anyone else cares about your life." I was speechless.
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