true

"Time to shed that false skin, and grow your real skin ... tender and strong, both."
                                 -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. The Dangerous Old Woman
I have been in a strange place creatively (+ otherwise!!) these past many weeks. I feel as if my interior is shape shifting. Do you know what I mean??? For the past month or so...I just haven't been able to get into my studio. I have scheduled time and just gone in there, sat down...and nothing!! But...I feel that even though I haven't been painting/creating...there have been seeds planted that are germinating. I feel as if I am walking my way to my original nature, my original voice. When I was younger, my culture + socialization had put a lock on my creative voice to a large extent. Even when I became an adult...those locks  were still there. So...like so many of us...I grew a false self that became stronger and stronger. You know...that false self that goes along with things it doesn't believe in...or the one who is always polite + never sets boundaries or stands up for it's self??? But after giving birth to Tara...I realize that our time here is so limited; we don't have forever. There is a sense of urgency now, somehow...to. be. real. To shed all those false skins and step into my true one.

I have been reading up a storm...and writing, writing, writing. Filling up journal pages with thoughts + dreams, to-do list (never ending this one!), books I want to read, recipes I want to try and on and on. It started quite a few months ago with reading Audre Lorde's works...and then that led to Alice Walker and always always  Dr. Estes and......then Susannah Conway
Actually it was path leading me to mySELF + the work I must do. I feel that in my heart and must write it down here and share it...even though it feels a little foolish to do so. I have no vision or idea of how this will impact my art...but I have the intention to create meaningful work and I know + trust that it will bloom from there.

and gardening. 

listening to the wind. 

laughing.

crying.

opening up.

watching birds.

sitting under the moon.

talking to trees. 

reading poetry aloud.

There have been so many synchronicities magically appearing in my life these past few days...and I have been paying attention to them. The large + the small. So this afternoon I cleaned up my studio. This is my reading/writing nook right here...in a cosy corner. I love spending time here when I get the chance. No rush...no hurry...just preparing to start painting again. When the time is right. 

Listening to my heart more than ever. xxx