on turning 42, intentions + journey-ing

(trying to get ready this morning before Tara stole

my toothbrush and got toothpaste all over the place!!)

I just turned 42  and as I head into the second half of life, here are some of my thoughts on ageing:

* There is nothing quite like having a toddler entering the terrible (uh...I mean...terrific!!) two's to make me feel physically old while simultaneously feeling  young in spirit! It's kind of strange living in this dichotomous world...I feel like a kid again when we sing and dance and play but...my body doesn't!!

* I know of people who lie about their age but that has never really made much sense to me. I mean...it doesn't change your actual age and it's denying a basic part of who we are. A negation of our very lives.
* I am very proud to say I am 42! I have earned every single year; there were so so many times when I just didn't think I would get here (especially in my teens).
* I find that as soon as I entered my 40's I changed; I gave birth and turned 40 in the same month so the effect was magnified. I became more comfortable in my skin, my priorities changed, I became bold. I no longer cared so much what others though of me and I started following my heart, my gut. I started navigating my life and choices by my inner compass-feels so good!!
* I don't feel any older than I did a year ago. Yeah-there are physical changes (so much gray hair, aches and pains, slowing metabolism to name  a few!)...but I don't feel any older!
* As I get older, it's not so much about what I look like...it's about my health...it's about my spirit and heart and creative work. It's about focusing on people I love, building relationships, stitching together a life, connecting. It's about expanding my capacity for...heart. It's not about looking younger either; it's about becoming more of who I am.
P.S. Thank you to so so many of you who sent me such wonder-FULL, heartwarming birthday wishes...my inbox was full of birthday love this morning!! Oh!! BTW...I had an amazing dinner tonight...ravioli stuffed with portabello mushroom and meat in a creamy, smoky, sun dried tomato sauce...bread dipped in olive oil and vinegar and...chocolate cheesecake!!!

                          (journey-ing requires heart...and cute shoes don't hurt either!!!)
I don't make New Years resolutions anymore; they just didn't work for me. Now I hold deep intentions...I hold them in my  heart and then allow the Universe to give them shape and breath and wings. Here are a few very important ones for 2011:
* At the very top of my list...continued health for my loved ones, mySELF
* We find a home that is just right for my family. A place where we can raise Tara...where I can cook, create, plant, love, live in ease and beauty.
* That we expand our family...I know, I know...I'm 42!! If I were younger, I would want to have maybe 3 or 4 children (ssssh...Don't tell Tim!!!!)...but at my age...It is my heart's deepest intention to have another baby.
* That my creative fires burn with truth and courage, love and grace. That I bring forward into this world, what only I can bring.
* I continue to challenge mySELF in every possible way; that I continue to grow and step beyond mySELF.
* I build community...friendships...
* That I continue to open my heart up...to love...to life. To...journey...
Do you have any intentions for this year? Would you like to share them here, on your blog...or in your heart?

(Trusting the Journey, Mixed media on canvas, archival prints available soon)

The  process of journey-ing is a transformative one. It's not so much the actual physical changes it brings; ...but it's the changing of our inner landscape. When I look back on life's journey...I see how some experiences break us down...burn us to ash and then build us back up again ...mold us, carry us to different (higher) parts of ourSELVES...changing our very person. They expand who we are, who we can become. I have trust in this journey...I have trust in mySELF.