My He(ART)-Full Life



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

how this process of transition is opening my heart

                         (Heart Wide Open, mixed media on canvas, archival prints available soon!)
We have been living in a hotel for about 5 or 6 weeks now; I am not quite sure because I have completely lost track of time. It's not a regular hotel either-we are staying on the Miramar Marine base so I consider us to be very lucky. We have two huge suites plus a small kitchenette and, of course, a bathroom. It's a new facility with (sketchy) Internet service, tons of playgrounds for Tara plus pretty much everything we could want right here. So we are fortunate...but it has still been one of the most stressful times of our entire married lives. We are hopeful that we will be in a home soon...but these things take time. Lots and lots of time! And then sometimes things don't go as planned so it's back to square one!!  It is utterly exhausting. I can go for days and days doing just fine and then I will get really cranky and stressed, depressed and just out of sorts...tears for no reason and very very weary. Tara is off her schedule. It is horrible not being able to paint and create (it's kinda' driving me nuts)...Also-wearing the same few pieces of clothing is really getting...tiresome. But this process of transition is opening up my heart in ways I don't fully understand but am completely grateful for. There is a lot of having to have faith in the path ahead. I mean that's when it really counts, isn't it, in times of complete and utter uncertainty. But this whole process has been very humbling and it really brings the important things into focus. Yes!! My heart is opening wide...



(everytime I see our shoes in a row...makes me soooo happy)
My family all being together; that is the number one thing that makes this worthwhile. It may be such a small thing but every time I see all of our shoes together in a row...I feel content and calm. Blissed out! Happy open heart. And my blog has been both an incredible source of support and friendship (thank you so much you wonder-FULL souls) and an amazing creative outlet. Real friendships are forming that are nourishing and sustaining me. Complete strangers opening up their hearts and homes to us this holiday season opened my heart up to the amazing goodness in people. Tara riding her red tricycle in the crisp winter sunshine. Tim going through so much trouble after a long and difficult day to make sure I had a fantastic birthday. And a few things that instantly puts a smile on my face ...Tara squealing with joy when I beg her to kiss me! It's a game we play and she loves it...she withholds her kisses while I beg her "Please Princess Tara...can mommy have a kissie-kissie"...and then she finally gives in and plants a huge smooch on me!! My hearts bursts wide open to see her so happy:) I mean...it cracks her up!! When I see the gorgeous jewel-toned patchwork quilt that Tim gave me ( one of my birthday gifts)...I love it!! And Tara and I had our toenails painted today...a luscious ruby wine ...to brighten up our day! It's the little things that open up our hearts...it really is...

(chocolate cheesecake birthday cake and that's my gorgous quilt under the tissue paper!!)

4 comments:

ArtPropelled said...

Every picture tells a story! The three pairs of shoes in a row speak to me of love, happiness, fun, support and family. Beautiful image!

Michele from Pipi La La said...

Oh I do hope you find a home very very soon!
I love that in the midst of hotel living, you can find so much to be grateful for! ♥

Kelly said...

Aww. Shoes = smiles!

mansuetude said...

Happy birthday. Circle of love keeps growing.