soulwork, heartwork, truthwork

 

(prints and original available here!!)

I've been reading through my old journals and diaries lately...mostly because I'm taking Brene's e-course and it requires a lot of deep soulwork...heartwork and truthwork. And so...I've had to go traipsing down a lot of dark alleys I really don't want to go back to. But...this is the work I have committed to.

Truth...much of my life has been filled with so much angst and broken-ness...I can barely breathe thinking about it now. There were huge periods of my life that were bleak and hopeless and what got me through...I still have no idea. Sometimes it was ...perhaps a line from a poem...a book...a bird flying through the sky on wings I wished were mine. Sometimes it was a person who took a moment to offer me a kind word...shelter. Sometimes...it was absolutely nothing but the faith in my heart that I would get through this...that everything was exactly as it was meant to be ( a bitter pill to swallow) and I was supposed to learn something grand from it all...that there was a lesson in all of the mysteries I couldn't wrap my head + heart around. Sometimes...there was numbing, toxic relationships, tears that never ended and ...writing which always healed something inside of me. Time and time again in my life...I have been broken in pieces...shattered. And this is what I can now say...

* we are all (yes...every single one of us) carrying enormous collective and personal pain. We may have different stories and different psyches..but it is part and parcel of the human experience. 

* every single time I have been shattered, I have been re-arranged like a kaleidoscope in the most wonderful of ways...a quiet strength, beauty + grace has crept into my heart and fortified my spirit. It is one of those huge mysteries of life that is not meant to be understood...only accepted with heartfelt gratitude. 

* Being honest about who we are takes big huge courage...each tiny step leading to the next. It's difficult as hell being in the trenches...but...really, it's where I need to be right now. xxx