soraya nulliah: journey to self: day #20

"I am who I am, doing what I came to do..."

-Audre Lorde

Just this past week I have spoken to two longtime friends about the exact same thing; our path in life, our calling...our journey. We spoke from the heart about so many of our fears, longings and possibilities and I wanted to share some of what we said because I think so many of us feel this way. Societal/cultural pressures force us into corners we sometimes don't want to be in. There are expectations that we have to have "everything figured out" by a certain age (who we'll marry, career, motherhood etc) and then ...complacency oftentimes sets in. Big time!

Most of my twenties were spent soul searching and gypsing around (something I have absolutely no regrets about). There were so many pressures but I completely ignored them and just went my own way. But now that I am 44, married, a mom ...there's still soul searching, questioning, expanding of my heart and mind...there is still the seeking. What kind of a wife/partner do I want to be, how can I be a better parent/mom to Tara, where do I want my art to go...whom do I want in my life? How can I make more time for self care? It's different than in my twenties ...but it's still a huge part of my life. And quite frankly...I hope it never goes away! Our journeys are not linear...there are detours, lost pathways, dead ends...the back and forth...soaring...expanding. There is transformation and growth and dying off to certain parts of who we were. And I deeply deeply believe that we each have our own unique path...we each have a calling. All we have to do is be still, listen to the whispers in our heart...pay attention...act on it one small step at a time. We never know where each tiny step will lead...we never know what lays waiting for us on the path ahead. The people we'll meet, the experiences we'll have...the joys and tears...the fears and frustrations...they are all an intrinsic part of our journey.