arriving

 “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.”  ~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Life has a way of coming full circle...never any completions...but circles within circles. All my life, I have been a seeker, even before I knew what that was or could articulate it in any coherent way. I was always searching, searching...running away from mySELF. Looking, reading, writing, wondering...asking questions. And I had so many loved ones who thought I was a wanderer with all the negative connotations (ie. flaky, irresponsible, lost, drifting etc etc) . But now that I have some perspective...I know that those wandering years were vital, necessary... holy. I simply had to wander...to arrive at mySELF. To this place of complete ease with who I am.

And now I know that nothing is permanent. Not these hours + days + years.  I know that I may have to take up my wandering ways again...one day. I know that life is brief and shining and bittersweet. There is ebb and flow.  But in between all the moments...there lies possibility. There is sunlight and flowers. There is deep love + friendship + marriage. There are tiny hands + huge hearts. There is arriving at ourSELVES one day; coming home. And it feels like I never left.