some thoughts on shame + courage + vulnerabilty

   Yesterday I watched part 2 of Super Soul Sunday with Dr. Brene Brown...and I was in tears. Literally in tears. In such a good way. How terrified are we to talk about our shame...about the deepest and most vulnerable parts of ourSELVES? So we hide and cover and deny and pretend and addict etc etc. Dr. Brown's work is so extremely important because we need to address these messy parts of our lives and selves...no? For me, so much of my life was spent carrying the heavy burden of shame that was not mine to bear. And it informed so many of my life choices..friends, relationships etc. It led me to the darkest of places both into the world and within mySELF. It led me to make horrible and painful choices that had no way of resolving themselves. It led me to a people + places and times where I couldn't be who I truly am. Shame, when not processed and resolved, can do all of these things and much, much worst.

It can lead us to betray ourSELVES (which I constantly did), to desperately want others to like the selves we pretend to be (because no-one's going to like who we really are, right???), to get further and further away from our hearts, intuition and SELF. The self that stand true and free and inviolable. The self that seeks the light and magnificence that we truly, in our deepest of deepest hearts, are. The self that wants to dance and sing and just be. The self that knows nothing other than authenticity. Yes!!!...that one and only true self!!!

One of the things Brene said yesterday was something like...courage is a practice; sometimes we need to consciously choose it every hour in every choice, interaction, reaction. Total aha!! moment for me! It's not like we make the choice and that's that...it's work! Being brave in our lives and relationships is hard work!!! But...totally worth it. And yes...sometimes (often?) we will fail + stumble + fall. It's okay. Really...It's okay. We just get up and try again. and again. and again.

“A Prayer
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart
toward heaven
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening."
         -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die

with love xxx