Lately I am realising that, in life, the idea of balance (at least for me) is an illusion. It's something I have always known but still, kept on chasing after anyway. I fantasised about this perfect space and time where everything would fit into neatly balanced boxes...romantic night with Tim, x number of hours in my studio, baking with Tara etc etc. But more and more I am seeing the wisdom in fully accepting this particular truth: composing a rich and authentic life means accepting all of the pieces which includes, ...imbalance!!! And yes...that means time in my studio but it also includes spreading out a drop cloth on the kitchen counter and working on canvases when I can. It includes watching a movie with my hubby but it also means falling asleep on the sofa. And sometimes...baking with a three year old may not be the best idea:) ...not quite the picture I had in my mind. But it's what makes life rich and imperfectly "perfect". Don't you agree??
So...more and more...I am leaning into the idea that life may be more like a patchwork quilt. I gather up little pieces here and there...wisdom, heartache, longing, joy, love, giving up on certain dreams I had to make room for new (and different) ones. Sometimes I find beauty in pieces that other people have thrown away...marveling at the way the sunshine hits a tree, the smell of rain...loss. Each piece is integral to the whole.
Composing a life means allowing for uncertainty, chaos, bitterness, anger. All of these pieces are treasures; vitally important to the art of living. In so many ways...I am grateful for the life and choices I get to make. My grandmother had all of her choices made for her (she had an arranged marriage at the age of 15 and had all of her 3 children before she was 20!!) ...all of her life laid out for her.
So ...more and more these days I am holding onto fluidity in my life...breathing into each moment; it's all wetruly have for certain. These days I am embracing my tired, sad, old and messy pieces and holding them up to the light to witness their marvel. I am collecting my ugly, insecure, brilliant, unique, lovely anddecidedly un-lovely parts. It's all these pieces put together that make up the fullness and beauty of a life, I think. So that's where you will find me these days...hanging out in this space of truth...under the patchwork quilt of my life. It's good...this place. It's where my authentic self lives.