My He(ART)-Full Life

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

composing a life

Lately I am realising that, in life, the idea of balance (at least for me) is an illusion. It's something I have always known but still, kept on chasing after anyway. I fantasised about this perfect space and time where everything would fit into neatly balanced boxes...romantic night with Tim, x number of hours in my studio, baking with Tara etc etc.  But more and more I am seeing the wisdom in fully accepting this particular truth:  composing a rich and authentic life means accepting all of the pieces which includes, ...imbalance!!! And yes...that means time in my studio but it also includes spreading out  a drop cloth on the kitchen counter and working on canvases when I can. It includes watching a movie with my hubby but it also means falling asleep on the sofa. And sometimes...baking with a three year old may not be the best idea:) ...not quite the picture I had in my mind. But it's what makes life rich and imperfectly "perfect". Don't you agree??

So...more and more...I am leaning into the idea that life may be more like a patchwork quilt. I gather up little pieces here and there...wisdom, heartache, longing, joy, love, giving up on certain dreams I had to make room for new (and different) ones. Sometimes I find beauty in pieces that other people have thrown away...marveling at the way the sunshine hits a tree, the smell of rain...loss. Each piece is integral to the whole.
Composing a life means allowing for uncertainty, chaos, bitterness, anger. All of these pieces are treasures; vitally important to the art of living. In so many ways...I am grateful for the life and choices I get to make. My grandmother had all of her choices made for her (she had an arranged marriage at the age of 15 and had all of her 3 children before she was 20!!) ...all of her life laid out for her.

So ...more and more these days I am holding onto fluidity in my life...breathing into each moment; it's all we truly have for certain. These days I am embracing my tired, sad, old and messy pieces and holding them up to the light to witness their marvel. I am collecting my ugly, insecure, brilliant, unique, lovely and decidedly un-lovely parts. It's all these pieces put together that make up the fullness and beauty of a life, I think. So that's where you will find me these days...hanging out in this space of truth...under the patchwork quilt of my life. It's good...this place. It's where my authentic self lives.


jane said...

Dear Soraya,
Embracing everything that is your life...that is the true magic of life...xx Jane

laurie said...

such wise words and i feel fortunate to have read them this morning so i can carry them with me into the busy "imperfectly perfect" day ahead.