resisting change

This past week I have been so frustrated with my art!!! I have been struggling with moving in a new direction and (for some strange reason) I have a compulsion to paint the same lady all the time!!! Does she have something to tell me?? Am I simply afraid to evolve artistically?? Am I stuck??? If someone knows what this all means...please tell me!!!  It seems like I take one step forward and then 5 steps back!
I think I feel comfortable painting the same way because its what I know. I trust that there is a path ahead but...I don't trust that I know the way. Anyhoo...
I decided to take a break from painting and get out into the world to be inspired, play and get some perspective. I came across this wonderful art exhibition called the Art Of the Dream. I loved how nothing made sense (or had to) and different visual perspectives were all presented simultaneously. It took my breath away and opened me up all at once. I especially love the painting with the woman holding the bowl with 3 white birds (upper right). Love all the circular motion.

I also managed to get some alone time with my journal, a book and a cup of tea. Writing unlocks so many mysteries + questions, don't you think? It's cathartic and replenishing all at once. Plus...I think that shortbread makes everything better; it's just one of those simple facts of life:)

And...puttered around in my garden...I planted a gazillion wildflower seeds a few months ago and it's so amazing to watch them grow and change every single day. Now...why can't I follow suite instead of digging in my heels and resisting change every step of the way??? Nature is such a brilliant teacher. Just wish I were a better student. sigh. xxx

"bird on your shoulder"

I just caught the last little bit of Tuesdays with Morrie. I read the book..quite a few years back and there are so many gems of truth that really speak to me. We live in culture that hides, denies, lies about death. We really do. We want to live forever but...we don't want to age! We either never really think we are going to die...or that it is so far away we don't pay much attention to it. But we never really know, do we?

(archival print availble here)

There is  a line in the movie where Morrie talks about "a bird on your shoulder". He explains that Buddhists imagine  there is a bird on their shoulder and every morning..they ask...is this my last day, am I ready for death? He says...we would live our lives very differently if we acknowledged that...life is finite. We would ask questions like "what does my heart really tell me", "what am I scared of and why?". We wouldn't save up our joy for special occasions like Xmas and birthdays...we would practice courageous living every day...every moment. That's what I want to do...I know (for me) it gets difficult when things are super hectic and I am stressed and Tara is right smack in the middle of  a tantrum...But with all my heart...I want to just be able to take a deep breath and realise what a gift life is...right in that very moment . I won't be here forever ...to calm her down, hold her, love her, kiss her. I really won't...and that makes all the difference...doesn't it? Just that perspective alone...changes me. I am going to practice...living with  a bird on my shoulder.