spring (break!!!)

 

Is it almost April already??? Spring break is full on here and things are lazy + hectic all at once. How can that be?? There's lots of doing nothing mixed in with reading, painting, tea drinking, duck feeding, moon gazing and tree watching (all of my very fave. things!!). I am practicing being (fully) present...I don't want to miss a thing:) xxx  

re-thinking/re-planning/re-scheduling

Lately (the past few months)...Tara has completely stopped taking her afternoon naps!!! This has forced me to re-think/re-plan/re-schedule...everything!!! Before, we would both take a little nap (it was the best!!). Then...even though I would be exhausted in the evenings after I put her to sleep...I could still come into my studio and paint until 1 in the morning. But now...it's a completely different story!! Our days are full of driving her to "school", classes and play dates. In between...we manage to make time for science experiments, reading and writing, arts and crafts and going to the park. Plus there's b-day parties, celebrations + Xmas coming up. Keeping up with a toddler is exhausting ...ahem...at my age, that is:) So...a brand new schedule is in order over here.

I have deliberated...should I put off my art for a little while?? But I came to a resounding...NO!!! Besides keeping me (relatively) sane...it's an absolute necessity to me. I'm going to be an old lady one day (maybe with a hundred books + cats all around) ...sipping pots of tea...painting away. It makes me happy. So...alternatively...I have decided to cut back on some other things...uh...like housework:) Seriously though...I just squeeze in painting time when I can these days. A little bit here and there add up. Plus...I spread some of my stuff on the kitchen counter to give me easy access throughout the day. every small step counts! And because i crash right after getting Tara to sleep at night, I am able to get up pretty early in the morning now...like 4:30 to 5!!

Life is all about adjustments + changes...growth. At the end of the day...this is what's truly important to Tim and I...this beautiful smiling girl right here. I want her to know that I am there for her...while also being there for mySELF. As I send her off into the world...I know that right now she is looking to me...for the answers on how best to be herSELF. This is  a pic of her today before she went to school...happy + bubbly!

Our mission these next few days...to find some Xmas tree lights!!! Everywhere we've been..they are all sold out!!! Hope you all have a great weekend. xxx

new directions...

I am heading in new directions over here. You know...that place of feeling an internal shift even though everything seems the same on the outside? I mean...nothing is changing but...everything is!!! That strange and exciting place of possibility and growth. There's no razzle-dazzle, big hoopla going on...just the quiet and humble plodding and weaving and stitching a new path. So...what has facilitated this journey in new directions? Well, I don't think I can point to one specific thing...it's probably just because I am open to it. I am listening to my life speak to me...listening to my deep inner voice. It feels good!

****************************************************************

We are flying out to Colorado for the weekend...leaving early tomorrow morning. It's going to be kinda' strange...I just know it. Tara was born there and then we moved when she was just 3 months old. So being back is going to bring all sorts of memories...my pregnancy and birthing and magic and miracles. I am excited but a little (okay...a lot!!)stressed too. And I really shouldn't even be on the computer right now with a gazillion things to do...and none of them done!!! Eeeek!!

unearthing ourSELVES

(Creative Soul Unearthed-original available here!  SOLD)

" The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, creating and incubating. being in the world and returning to the soul place."
                     -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
When I was in my late teens, I used to think that I would arrive at this place one day, where I would have just "found mySELF". Do you know what I mean? ... In this fantasy of mine...I would know exactly who I was and what I was all about. It was a static place...where things never changed (and oh! there was never any housework in this magical place and I was sitting in a coffeehouse somewhere in Italy...always happy, always young!!). I smile at that girl now. My life in my 20's was anything but settled and static. It was a decade of "mending my soul". Can you relate to a much  younger version of  yourSELF now?  Do you smile gently at her...cringe even ...or become sad?
Today I know that unearthing mySELF is all about change. It is ever-growing with so many peaks and valleys... and prairies too. Long stretches where it appears as if everything is staying the same but where, perhaps, the most growth is taking place.When I first started blogging about 8 months ago...I had no idea that I had a secret yearning to write and take photos and a deep deep longing to become a part of  a creative community. "Finding ourSELVES"  is a lot like a treasure hunt, an amazing book that we are writing and reading simultaneously...like an unearthing of what is already there. Our inner core remains unchanged but everything else moves like a river. Here are some things I wish I could tell my younger self:
1. Be bold, be courageous, speak up...It has taken a long time for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I grew up in a pretty traditional Indian household where girls were discouraged from speaking up and claiming their space. Femininity equaled passivity.
2. Everything works out for the best...you will go through some really heart wrenching times where you will think it's the end of the world...but there is an intelligence to this Universe far greater than we will ever know. There are gifts in every situation even though it may be difficult (okay impossible!) to see them now.
3. High school does end...hallelujah!
4. Enjoy all of it...life goes by so fast!
5. be kind..always. There were so many times when I was just not a kind person. Especially to mySELF.
6. learn how to type (oh yeah...and computers too!)
7. Enjoy fitting into those size 3 jeans...that's never going to happen again...like ever!
8. Don't use so much hairspray!! Okay, It was the 80's...it was hairspray city:)
9. believe in mySELF-don't listen to people who tell me that I can't do this and that. Make those decisions for mySELF.
10. be mySELF  (of course I had no idea who that was back then!)...so...dear younger SELF...you have to go through all these opportunities and growth  (otherwise known as mistakes and regrets) to find out!
How about you? What are some things you would tell your younger self? I would love to know.
*Archival prints coming soon!

working through our fears

(works in progress)

A few days ago I was overcome by fear;  since we all face them I thought I would share some practical tips that allowed me to work through them.
 1. Acknowledge them-I wrote down all my fears in my journal no matter how small or silly or huge they were. Just getting it out and seeing it written down robs them of their power.
2. I challenged each one. So for each specific one such as I won't have enough time to do XYZ I countered it with a schedule or a way to make it work.
3. Go for a walk. I put Tara in her stroller and just get outside. There is something about being out in nature that really makes all of my troubles seem lighter, smaller and workable.
4. I play the "so what game". I know it may sound foolish but just try it! I promise you it works like a charm. This is how it goes: 
fear:  "you are going to fail miserably"
me:  "so what?"
fear: " well, your feelings will be hurt, you will feel bad"
me: "so what?"
You get the idea:) After am few minutes of this I am giggling all over the place at what Buddhists call "monkey mind" This really robs fears of all it's power.
5. I paint. Just the very act of creating replaces fear with confidence, trust and calm.
6. I talk to a trusted friend to get it all out. Sometime just a kind word or some encouragement goes a long way.
7. I ask for help. This is really difficult for me but I am working on it.
8. I read about others' trials. There are countless stories of the book that was rejected a hundred times before going on to become  a bestseller etc.
But here's the secret! The number one most effective thing I do, though, is to treat my fears with kindness, respect and humility. Why? Because sometimes our fears are not really fears at all, they are our deepest potential just waiting to manifest themselves. How? They give us an opportunity to be more creative, develop courage, work harder and  become more committed. They can allow us to shed our false selves and become authentic, vulnerable, compassionate. They show us that we are not complacent, just going through life...but that we are pushing our boundaries and growing...living! They can be our teachers and...dare I say, our friends! Fears develop our soul strength and stamina for all the difficulties that we will face in our lives. And our joys, our successes. How do you work through your fears...I would love to know!

"Broken Open"

  "Learn the alchemy true humans know. The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open." -Rumi  

This book arrived into my life  through a kindred spirit (you know who you are!) and I have not been able to stop reading it since. It is an amazing book, a gift really, that speaks of what it is to be fully human. Lesser speaks of how we (most of us anyways) walk around denying our full humanity. As if to admit and talk about our depth of experience diminishes us. As if to talk about our troubles and fears, our deep pain and sorrows...somehow makes us less human, unworthy. As if we have to present this facade of "perfectness" to the world while inside we are anything but. This book presents us with the keys to unlock these fears, drop away these pretenses and presents the radical notion that it is exactly these vulnerabilities that gives us our depth and beauty; our soul force. We are, each of us, given different lessons to work through in our lifetime. The events differ from person to person-anything from divorce, bankruptcy, ill health, the loss of  loved ones...of dreams...of how we thought our lives should be....Sure we can become bitter, angry...close off our heart to life, to ourSELF. Yet we have a choice... it is what we learn from these experiences, how we deal with them that transform us. Like a "phoenix rising from the ashes" ...we leave the old self and become the person we are meant to be...humble, vulnerable, changed...human. I know this is all  kinda' deep for Monday morning! Sorry:)

Some things I am learning...

These past few weeks have brought so many changes (both internal and external) and I am learning so much! Flying Lessons has really propelled me closer to my vision plus I am doing so many things I have had in my heart for so long...Setting up my website (myself!!!)...something I never would of imagined a few months ago!...So here are a few things I am learning along the creative path...along life's journey, really.
1. Honor my challenges. As I am learning to honor all parts of my journey, this one has been the most ...well, challenging! But what I am discovering is that it is the toughest parts of our journey that bring the most growth, that contain magical gifts of inner strength, fortitude, clarity. It is the most difficult times that forge soul strength.
2. Express my gratitude. Feel it in my heart, write it out, shout it out! I have so much to be grateful for...Every day that I can hug my Tara, love Tim, paint, feel the wind against my face is...a blessing.
3. Believe in mySELF. This has always been so difficult for me. It is only now that I am fully starting to appreciate and really believe in my abilities, vision, strengths. I have always been such  a perfectionist (fear in disguise!) but now I am realising that I don't have to know everything or do everything perfectly. I just have to do my best.
4. Have a vision and do something small each day toward it.
5. Be mySELF-there is only one me. Be authentic.
6. Time management-so important! Enough said.
7. Take time to replenish mySELF. Read, hot baths, a cup of tea...all do wonders!
8. Pay attention to the longings of my heart.
9. Surround myself with community and kindred souls. Blogging has really been  a joy and  a blessing. Yes, sometimes I get "bloggers block" but...it has opened me up to a whole new world of creative souls.
10. Joy, love, grace...try to inject them into every moment.

                                                         

Thoughts for 2010 (Hopes/Promises/Wishes)

The start of a brand new year and I am just starting to catch my breath! I have so much hope for this year-full of possibilities, providence, change and growth. This is the year where I make NO resolutions...rather, this is  a year where I will focus on living in the moment. Being mindfull of this space and time-sitting with silence (or noise!)-just being present. Of course I will still make lists (it's a compulsion with me!) but  I will learn to let go too. My art is taking  a new direction and I am pretty excited! More stepping outside of my comfort zone, much smaller pieces, combining different elements, meaningful, authentic...I am much more vulnerable and ...it feels good.
I HOPE that I continue to grow as a person, to stretch myself far beyond what I ever thought possible.
I PROMISE to be true to myself in everything I do.
I WISH ...to be present in all moments.