notes from the journey...2

 "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still it will find you. It has been waiting for you for a long time." -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (WWRWTW)
My healing journey has been unfolding at it's own pace...often taking me to places I prefer not to go...but desperately need to. Where are these places? These places are dark and shrouded in secrecy...my childhood, my past, mySELF. It's taking me to truth...to seeing (really seeing) things as they truly are...not as I would have liked them to be, not as I was told they were...but truth...raw and real has left me wanting to crawl back into the darkness. But the funny thing is...once you initiate the journey to truth...you can't turn back; you can't "un-see" what you see or "un-know" what you know. And another "funny" thing is...they are things you have always deep down known...but decided to hide from yourSELF. Either because you had to in order to physically and psychologically survive your environment...or because it was simply too painful to bring out into the light. But we know...we deep down know. Our body knows, our intuition knows...our very being simply knows. And trusting ourSELVES with what we know is often a first step in healing and empowerment. Deeply listening, honoring and giving voice to our experiences can be the first step to healing.

 “We are not what happened to us,
we are what we wish to become.”- C.G. Jung

  And so, right now, my healing journey has taken me to confronting my shadow. It's difficult and...I don't want to do it. Truthfully...it terrifies me. Which is why I know...this is exactly what I need to be doing. I came across this fearlessly authentic book where Alyce Barry talks (with so much detailed honesty) about her own journey...and it has given me courage to do this work also. It's difficult...and I want to give up every step of the way. Which is exactly why, I deep down know... I must not.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."
                                                                                                                    -Walt Whitman

 
 "I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. 
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing, 
as though I had wings."
                                                    Mary Oliver
 And the very best reasons that keep me moving forward, inward and toward the light? Right here, right here...right here. 
xxx

adventures in using a mixed media kit!!!

“The creative force flows over the terrain of our psyches looking for the natural hollows, the arroyos, the channels that exist in us. We become its tributaries, its basins; we are its pools, ponds, streams, and sanctuaries. The wild creative force flows into whatever beds we have, those we are born with as well as those we dig with our own hands. We don’t have to fill them, we only have to build them.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves.

Truthfully...I've never used a mixed media kit before. I'm not quite sure why...maybe it's because I never knew they even existed?? Anyways...for the past week I've been using this art journal kit from Invincible Heart Company and oh my!!!! ...it's jump started my creativity in ways large + small. The first thing is...I turned our kitchen table into my art table. Yes...I have a home studio...but things are more comfy + cozy at the kitchen table...the sunlight pours in from all sides and tea is readily available:) Tara and I are ecstatic about our new arrangement...uh...Tim, not so much:)

So...I opened up the kit and laid everything out...there were things I had never even seen before!!!! Just magical, fantastical, super cute stuff!!! Who knew??? It was a little bit intimidating...what was I going to do with all this stuff? Right away...I set a few goals to keep me on track:
* I was going to use up every bit of the kit...especially the stuff that challenged/frustrated me
* I was going to establish the format of my art journal (I decided on a made- from -scratch journal)
* And the most important rule????? Get out of my own way!!! (Easier said than done!)

I added some of my own materials, of course. A pair of 7 Gypsies book boards (to make my front and back covers), watercolor paper (140lb rough), paper cutter, stamps, ink pads, markers, tapes, acrylics, inks etc.

And then I just went to town!!! The pages are fairly small (5.5 x 7) so I laid them all out on the table...added the patterned papers, acrylic paints, tapes, stains...

This right here is one of my all time fave. art supplies...Liquitex Acrylic Ink in Burnt Sienna. It creates such gorgeous aged surfaces; a little jar of magic!!  If I mix it with Paynes Grey...I get even more depth and luscious color!!!! LOVE!

This musical stamp came from the kit...the possibilities are endless with this and I can't even believe all the great stuff I can create...dresses, hair, backgrounds...on and on!

 

Oh my!!!!! The metaphors with this bit of gorgeousness are endless....

Magic...and serendipity

Loving these painters markers I picked up at the craft aisle in Wal-Mart!!!! I decided to try a few of them out and...love!!! So great for writing or mark making. Lush, rich color with great flow. Much better than tons of way more expensive markers I've picked up over the years that always seem to clog up at some point.

Love this gold paint...

 "I'll tell you right now, the doors to the world of the Wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door; if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much that you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes
 I decided that my art journal is going to tell the story of where I am right now in my life...it's going to speak of all the frustrations, insecurities, vulnerabilities and healing. It's also going to tell my story of love + joy, possibilities + creativity...of all that I am on the cusp of...if I surrender, have faith and ...get out of my own way!!!

 "Stay with it. By insisting that nothing will stop us from exercising the animus, by continuing our soul spinning
wing- making ventures, our art, our psychic mending and sewing, whether we feel strong or not, whether we feel ready or not." -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
 And this is what emerged on my first completed page!! I love the raw, unfinished feel to it (I actually kept a rip in the paper for her face)...and used the patterned background paper for her crown. That's one of the things I love about art journals...there's just something about this medium that facilitates freedom, experimentation and play!!!! So excited to see what emerges!!!
Happy weekend friends!! xxx

journey

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”- Dr.Clarissa Pinkola Estés, WWRWW 

I've been opening all sorts of doors withing mySELF lately and it's left me feeling both invigorated and depleted. I'm at a juncture in my journey that is messy, complicated, scary... confusing. I hate that! But I am learning to lean into those spaces of uncertainty knowing that I am whole...as is. It's terribly difficult...this trusting in myself ...but is there any other choice??