notes from the journey...2

 "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still it will find you. It has been waiting for you for a long time." -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes (WWRWTW)
My healing journey has been unfolding at it's own pace...often taking me to places I prefer not to go...but desperately need to. Where are these places? These places are dark and shrouded in secrecy...my childhood, my past, mySELF. It's taking me to truth...to seeing (really seeing) things as they truly are...not as I would have liked them to be, not as I was told they were...but truth...raw and real has left me wanting to crawl back into the darkness. But the funny thing is...once you initiate the journey to truth...you can't turn back; you can't "un-see" what you see or "un-know" what you know. And another "funny" thing is...they are things you have always deep down known...but decided to hide from yourSELF. Either because you had to in order to physically and psychologically survive your environment...or because it was simply too painful to bring out into the light. But we know...we deep down know. Our body knows, our intuition knows...our very being simply knows. And trusting ourSELVES with what we know is often a first step in healing and empowerment. Deeply listening, honoring and giving voice to our experiences can be the first step to healing.

 “We are not what happened to us,
we are what we wish to become.”- C.G. Jung

  And so, right now, my healing journey has taken me to confronting my shadow. It's difficult and...I don't want to do it. Truthfully...it terrifies me. Which is why I know...this is exactly what I need to be doing. I came across this fearlessly authentic book where Alyce Barry talks (with so much detailed honesty) about her own journey...and it has given me courage to do this work also. It's difficult...and I want to give up every step of the way. Which is exactly why, I deep down know... I must not.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."
                                                                                                                    -Walt Whitman

 
 "I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. 
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing, 
as though I had wings."
                                                    Mary Oliver
 And the very best reasons that keep me moving forward, inward and toward the light? Right here, right here...right here. 
xxx

house of my soul

(She has a Story to Share, mixed media on canvas)

Myth is more individual and expresses life more precisely than does science... Thus it is that I have now undertaken, in my eighty-third year, to tell my personal myth. I can only make direct statements, only "tell stories." Whether or not the stories are "true" is not the problem. The only question is whether what I tell is _my_ fable, _my_ truth."

                                                          (Memories, Dreams, Reflections-C. G. Jung)

I've been reading bits and pieces of this book and am fascinated with Jung. His spirit radiates through his work... right into me. He wrote this book toward the end of his life (he was over 80 years old) and it is unlike any other book; it's a spiritual autobiography. He allows us to see into the window of his inner journey. He puts his fears, weaknesses and human frailties all on full display for us to see. He talks about the importance of myth; how we are stories. He merges science with spirit and gifts us with his life experiences...undiluted. One of the concepts he speaks of is the House of our Soul. So...I have been reflecting on this precious concept.

What does the house of my soul look like?? I would like to share some of what I wrote...

Beautiful door = using all of my life experiences to lead me to mySELF. It is safe and beautiful...full of art + books + photos + flowers + LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! There is community and kindreds. And while I don't want judgement, regret, bitterness...there is space for it here too. It is a place where I have come to terms with my life as it is. there is hope here. And joy. There is also a room for my pain + sadness; of people long gone but whose memories linger.

All things in life lead to (or away) from this house.

It is seeing ourSELVES in our dark and ...our light. What does the house of your soul look like??