reclaiming mySELF

"For each of us as women, there is a dark place within, where hidden and growing our true spirit rises. These places of possibility within ourselves are dark because they are ancient and hidden; they have survived and grown strong through that darkness. Within these deep places each holds an incredible reserve of creativity and power, of unexamined and unrecorded emotion and feeling. The woman's place of power within ...is dark, it is ancient and it is deep...For women, then, poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital neccesity of our existence. It forms the quality of light within which we predicate our hopes and dreams towrad survival and change, first made into language, then into idea, then into more tangible action. Poetry is the way we help give name to the nameless so it can be thought. The farthest horizons of our hopes and fears are cobbled by our poems, carved from the rock experiences of our daily lives."

                                                               -Audre Lorde (Poetry is Not a Luxury)



I brought along a few books to read on the road, one of which is a collection of essays by Audre Lorde. I am falling in love...word by word...with her words + heart + intellect all over again. Her work brings me to mySELF. To what is right + whole + empowering.

(billboard seen In San Fran)

Ever since I gave birth and became a mom...I have had to give so much of mySELF to Tara, mothering + my family. Even little things (like reading or going out for coffee by myself) were simply not possible. I used to love dressing up in prints + colors and being so girlie...but these last few years...it's been easier to just let so many parts of mySELF go. It's just the way it is and I have no regrets at all. But now that Tara is growing up + gaining some independence...I am (little by little) claiming parts of mySELF. It feels so good...this rediscovery and excavation. This renewal + transformation.

I feel happier + stronger than I ever have. More comfortable in my own skin...more confident and tender towards all of my pieces (broken + whole). Maybe this is a gift of getting older? Maybe this is a gift of breaking open to vulnerability and truth. Maybe...this is just a gift. No striving for anything...no attempting "perfect"...just being. And this road trip has been a catalyst; taking me out of my routine + comfort zone. More soon!!