My He(ART)-Full Life

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

"real life" + "blog life" = my life

 I watched this TED talk a few weeks back and it resonated with me...big time. If you have an online life(blog, website, twitter account etc)...I urge you to watch it!! Not only did it open my eyes really was a series of AHA moments. Not only did I separate my "online life" and my "real life"  but I also felt guilty for it!!!  In the beginning...

when I started my blog...I had absolutely no idea how powerful it would become in my life. Tara was about to turn one and the preceding year was filled with all the new joys and challenges of motherhood. I loved being a mom...adored being this little girl's mommy...there was absolutely no question about that!! But there were long and deep struggles...of identity and new roles. There was a sense of isolation and difficulties. And there were very negative experiences and people that were in my life at the time who were not serving me or my family in any positive way at all. All in all...this time was characterized by paradox upon paradox as I navigated my way into all the new parts + pieces of my SELF.The self that was yet to emerge. It was a time of birth + a time of dying. And so...I started  my blog with some (very) vague idea of "getting my art out there" and forming some sort of a community etc. In actuality...I had no idea what I was doing!!! But I did make 2 promises to myself...

1. I was going to be true. I don't have to disclose every single detail about everything...but I was going to be honest, authentic!!! Because...well, who else was I gonna' be????
2. I was going to stay the course. Through difficult times and lack of sleep and whatever came up...I was going to do my very best to commit to blogging. My gut just told me that I needed to do that. It was, simultaneously, an anchor and charting a new course.
So I started blogging...very timidly, I might add. I started sharing bits and pieces of me + my life and my thoughts + heart. But in those first few months (year??) ..there was a sort of embarrassment about me blogging. There was an internalized message (an old story playing in the deepest recesses of my heart) of who would want to read this, I have nothing important to say, I should be doing other (ie. "better"/more important) things with my life, what a waste of time etc etc. But I yearned for support + community + artistic expression and so...I kept on keeping on.

and then something magical happened along the way. I started showing up...on my blog and in my ("real") life. I wanted to be seen and I wanted to see others. I wanted connection + community + authenticity. And I got it!!! I started meeting people online and this spilled into "real" life and phone conversations and coffee and heart + soul. I also started connecting to the deepest parts of mySELF with vulnerability and courage. I started blooming...and growing...and shedding + daring + connecting. Creating my online life opened up a whole new world for that I could participate in right from my studio:) And the blur between my "real life" + my "online life" started getting pretty fuzzy.

I started to remember that I actually had a path!!! and follow it...wholeheartedly. I wanted to truth-tell and share my stories. It is almost impossible to describe the alchemical magic that happens when you dare to be who you truly are!!! It takes And big huge courage. In small steps of course:)

More + more...they merged until there was no difference.and while just a couple of short years ago (before I got on Twitter)  a creative friend and I were discussing how we just couldn't imagine tweeting about breakfast or a walk or...but here I am doing that very thing!!! And while it is narcissistic's also very Zen. Taking pictures and documenting my life forces me to be present and appreciate this moment. I see beauty all around me in all of the mundane yet beautiful aspects of my day...Tara clapping and singing, winter trees or the light hitting so.And after listening to this TED talk I realize how precious this opportunity is...this ability we have to create a blog and the vital connections it provides us with. We can choose to use technology, who we allow into our spaces and how we define "reality"...For me... This is my real life:)


Anonymous said...

oh yes, yes, yes! my blog is the first diary i've kept that i re read, i'm more interested in my surroundings because of it, i'm more interested in other i am wrestling with how to photograph the violets on our front lawn by the door, so beautiful! such a lovely problem to have ;)and reading people i wd never find otherwise, because they like a post... and making friends with you is only because of your blog showing who you really are and being brave in the world...yes! hugs!!

patty said...

Hi Soraya, I wanted to go back and comment on this post because I'm there with you... we have talked about how we had noooo idea what our blogs would become and lead to. Who could have known?? And it's still hard to explain to those who don't do it. I still don't pin or tweet or text.... but I blog and "gram" and facebook and that's just about right for me!