My He(ART)-Full Life



Sunday, July 17, 2011

"learning to love you more"

(awakening to the fullness of herSELF, archival prints available here!)
"If you cannot find the truth right here where you are,
Where else do you expect to find it?"
                                                            -Dogen
Awaking to the fullness of who we are requires us to be truthful...to everyone in our lives but most importantly, to ourSELVES. I have spent years- it seems like lifetimes, really -telling mySELF all sorts of lies. Some were big, huge lies such as pretending to be someone I am not just to please or gain approval and acceptance. Have you ever done that? I think most of us have at some point and some of us spend all our lives like this. There were also the insidious lies along the way that added up. Lies such as I am inadequate, unworthy and not enough. Lies of pretending I wasn't smart, independent or strong. Lies of stuffing down my thoughts and feelings. Lies of tolerating things I never should have. My twenties were full of all kinds of lies. Even a large portion of my 30's. But in the heart of all of our missteps, mistakes and regret, lie the seeds of our fullness. In the very fruit of these lies are the seeds of our growth. Because I have lived in such darkness, I thirst for the light of my fullness. It is difficult...there is no getting around that part. Inevitably there are going to be people who are not going to be happy with my truth-telling and light-seeking. But that's okay. It really is.
(exhibit as seen at SFMOMA)
My fullness requires heart, courage, truth-telling and grace. My light requires art-making and poetry, a community of kindreds, roses and love-making, soul shining and ...breathing. It seeks dancing in the rain, a good hug, a meaningful conversation. It requires being seen and seeing another.
Setting boundaries too-very important. Kindness and grace. Honoring my past. It means acknowledging my gifts and talents. My fullness also includes my shame, insecurities, inadequacies and pain...my bitterness and anger. They are our teachers and I want to sit down with them and get to know them intimately. It requires...all of me. You fullness may look and feel very different...it is as individual as we are.
This I know...awakening to our fullness is the greatest gift we can give to ourSELVES, our loved ones and...the world.

5 comments:

Lovey said...

Wow..beautifully written...

SooZeQue said...

Beautiful, Beautiful post and all so true. Loved this line ~ In the very fruit of these lies are the seeds of our growth. Maintenance in our garden is constant and always in need of a little pruning and weeding! :)

laurie said...

i like that there are so many of us on the long, but rewarding, road to authenticity - we have plenty of company and inspiration!

patty said...

Yes, it's all part of the journey, isn't it? The good, the bad and the ugly. Once we are "awake" enough to get that, everything changes. It's just so wonderful to be able to share these kinds of thoughts with our "kindreds" and know that we are not alone. Thanks, sweet Soraya, for the lovely reminder!

oneartistjournal said...

So true. I am 50 + a little bit more and Just recently started telling more truths than lies...yes it is a part of the growing process and we have to forgive ourselves, go gently...know that it was only for the purpose of survival..
Thank you Soraya for coming to visit me on my blog and leaving behind sweet and attentive comments.
XOXOrly