My He(ART)-Full Life

Sunday, July 31, 2011

book of dreams

(self portrait at 42 and a half...this morning)
"To be one woman, truly, wholly, is to be all women"
                                                                     -Kate Braveman
Here I am...this morning...I feel myself getting older. Not just the physical signs of laughter and tears and so much joy and pain all around my eyes. They are a road map of my journey. ...and there is real beauty there. I love it! Seriously!  But also the deeper shifts inside...of really claiming all of me. I think the thing that scares me the most about ageing is my physical health; I want to be healthy and active throughout my life. The wrinkles and things don't bother me. Really.The slowing metabolism...okay, that's a different story altogether!! Lets not even go there people!! But seriously, though, there were so many many times I never imagined I would get to this destination of being fully in mySELF and stepping into this life of mine...I am ever so joyful and grateful to be here.
(a page of my art journal)
I just started reading this book by Sarah Ban Breathnach ...and am loving it completely! There are a lot of exercises and deep work to do, a lot of painful memories to excavate and bring to I think I am going to (very slowly) work through it. For so many years (for most of my life, to be quite honest) I didn't dare to dream. Besides the fact that through most of my childhood and formative years I was just trying to survive... I didn't think I had the right to dream...or to happiness, to love, to security, to a loving family, to financial kindness, even. So, of course, I attracted all sorts of people and situations that reflected that. Lessons, lessons, lessons. But I am, at age 42 (...and a half, thank you very much)...just stepping into who I am. In my marriage and mothering, in my friendships and painting and in this very creative community right here, I see the very best of me reflected. It feels good. In a multitude of  ways I am firmly rooted in a life that is beyond what I ever imagined. It feels like home. Yet in so many ways...I feel there is so much more of mySELF to claim. I am dreaming over here...all sorts of things...Nothing is too big or too small. How about you? Are you dreaming?


jane said...

You know, Soraya, aging is full of surprises! I dreaded turning 60 last year, but so far it has been wonderful! Friendships developing and growing, Art evolving, family except for the physical signs of aging on my skin (!),it's all good!

ArtPropelled said...

Soraya, I loved this book even more than Sarah Ban Breathnach's earlier book, Simple Abundance. Yes physical health is a worry down the line but with your positive attitude I can see you are going to be a remarkable
geriatric :-) when the time comes.
Thanks for the reminder.... to keep on dreaming. It is so important!

Wini said...

Dear Soraya, Its really inspiring to read that you've stepped in to your own power!! YAY!! Your post also reminds me of this lovely quote: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." (Eleanor Roosevelt). Have a lovely week! Wini xo

SooZeQue said...

Growing old ain't for Sissies! that's the poster in my hubby's exercise room. You don't have to worry about aging you look beautiful (I like your haircut!). Mental aging is the problem I think. Yes physical can hold us back, but we just have to keep learning and keep our actions up do date and moving! That saying "we all grow old, just don't grow up"! maybe that's the key.

Meegan, Blue Moon Mama said...

You are so beautiful and I have a feeling you're going to be a very beautiful "old" woman someday because your beauty isn't just physical it radiates outward from the inside. It's your Joy and passion and love of life that make you so beautiful and those things will keep you young at heart regardless of your actual age.-

I think aging us even more scary for us "older" mamas of young children because we worry so much about missing out on time with them & leaving them while their still young. All we can do is try to stay as healthy as possible.

It's wonderful to here you are stepping into your own power and embracing your authenticity!!