(Bloom True, archival prints available soon!)
These past few days have been...strange. I have been so exhausted but...too tired to notice that I'm tired! Has that ever happened to you? Recently it seems that I can sleep for a hundred years!. Well...in the middle of all this tiredness, I have been feeling "not good enough". At first, I thought that my post tonight was going to be a pic and a quote or poem. Sometimes that's all I can muster. But since I really try to bring all of mySELF to this space...I want to claim my "not enough-ness" and say...here life, I offer you my inadequacies and fears and insecurities and...it's enough.
(Wisdom Seeker, archival prints available here!)
Lately my not-enough-ness has been looking something like this:
I am not a good enough wife, mother, friend, ____(insert word here). I am not pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, ____(insert word here). Shouldn't I have figured my life out by now...at least some tiny fraction of it? Shouldn't I be more...assertive, courageous, funny, ____(insert word here). Shouldn't I be painting more, writing more, reading more? I have e-mails to get to, mail to get off, blogs to read...But deep in the thick muck of all this...messiness and ugliness, inertia and self-doubt...lies the brave self I am seeking. She's there somewhere waiting for just this opportunity to show herSELF!
When I can claim all parts of mySELF, my journey, my experiences...when I can sit with these orphaned pieces, give them voice and accept them...then I can teach Tara to do the same. It's a lesson that shows up again and again in my life...do you know what I mean? So as I write this..I hope that my "not enough-ness" is enough. And my wiser SELF says back to me: it is, it is, it is...and so is yours.