unplugged

Dear friends...I haven't been here at my blog for awhile...I have so much to write about...but life has been happening at lightning speed despite my best intentions to cultivate mindfulness. Tim had two major surgeries this year and while everything went really well...recovery has been...well...recovery. And while I can focus on all the things we have learned from the process...because we have learned a ton... (like being grateful for our health, making more time for love and laughter and presence)...the truth is...surgeries suck. Big time. Being sick, chronic pain, fear of the unknown, our bodies not functioning as they once did...all of that...sucks. It's just really difficult. But we are (mostly) on the other side of through. Plus...I have been in recovery too...a whole other blog post on this one of these days plus...parenting and homework and painting and all of that thrown into the mix. As you can see...overwhelm.

So...these past couple of weeks we have been unplugging. Doing a whole lot of building sandcastles, watching sunsets, drinking lemonade, barefoot living, collecting seashells and living at the beach. We so desperately needed this! Of course...I forgot to pack most of my stuff...for some strange reason I left all my electronics at home, the camera malfunctioned halfway through our trip. I even forgot most of my make-up. At first I panicked...but then I realized... I really didn't need all that much. My sunglasses, a few mags and a book...a swimsuit...totally okay with that. Completely unplugged.

And for some reason...this Bob Marley song keeps playing in my head..."Don't worry...about a thing. Every little thing...is gonna' be alright. Woke up this morning...to the rising sun. Three little birds beside my doorstep. Don't worry...about  a thing." Something like that.

heart full of hope, mothering, unplugged

   (She has a heart full of hope and a pocket-ful of dreams, archival prints available here!)

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."       - Rainer Maria Rilke 

These days my interior world is opening up in ways I never could have imagined; rich, deep and full of valuable treasures. I see now that absolutely nothing in the psyche is ever lost. That every single person and experience has been in my life for a reason; to bring me closer and closer to mySELF. To the self I am meant to be. It is like that for us all...if we open our inner eyes, trust ourSELVES and bring our heart to all things we do. I am not even searching for answers right now...but simply soaking into the questions. Asking myself what do I really want, what are my dreams, how do I want to live this life of mine, what kind of legacy do I want to leave, how do I want Tara to remember me...? For too too many years I have asked the absolute wrong questions and then chased after the (wrong!) answers. No more. There is so much hope in my heart now because...I am simply trusting in the process...and listening to my heart.
*******************************************************************

(last week sometime)

Navigating parenthood (and toddler hood!!) with Tara is all about giving her little bits of independence. She's not a baby anymore but "Tara-poo, thank you very much" . And no "kissies and huggies pleeeeze"; for the most part she has to initiate it. As I see it, a large part of my duty as a mother is to bring her to the doorstep of  her own power. I want her to be her shining bright self no matter what she chooses to do in life. I want so much for her to live out her dreams and goals...no matter what they may be. I want her to be her very best Self and always speak her truth. As her little personality develops, she continues to surprise us with her tenacity, courage and daring spirit. I only have a short time to shape her world...and I want it to be fertile ground that she can bloom in. Stories, poems, nature, spirit, art making,  mistakes, learning, talking to trees and the moon, kindness, courage, 2 feet planted in the earth and her aim for the stars, dancing, truth-telling, vulnerability... listening to the wild wolf inside...all fertile ground. It's a learning process for our whole family, let me tell you,  as we forge this path of parenthood.

********************************************************************

(yesterday afternoon?)

We are leaving for the mountains early on Friday morning...going totally unplugged for a few days. I am packing a couple of books, my journal, camera and..not much else!  Plan on doing absolutely nothing but relax:) I am hoping for lots and lots of sleep, laid back hikes, sunshine, laughter and fresh mountain air. 4 whole days of rejuvenation= bliss! Will be back here in this space on Tues. of next week so...I hope you all have a great weekend and unplug a little too. xxx