thoughts and prayers

Yesterday was such an amazingly beautiful day over here...sun shining ....it was difficult to imagine the tragic hurricane that hit the east coast. So many people dead, entire cities broken and devastated...it was just heartbreaking to see. It's a powerful reminder how our lives can be altered in just a few seconds. How all we have is right now. And of how much we take for granted. We lived in Va  for 2 years...and there are people that we know, people we can't get a hold of, people we've lost touch with. Just hoping they are safe. Tonight...realising how very vulnerable we are...resilient and vulnerable both.

good stuff

* coffee houses with art and french pastries and great drinks...who can resist?? This one right here is called Local Color at Pike Market in Seattle (when we were on our trip last week). Tara just loved looking at all the over the top amazing art on the walls.
* this book here by Chloe Owens...I just picked it up and am going to try my hand at her adorable (and easy to do) crafts. Tara especially loves the doorstop kitty so I'm going to sew it for her.
* loving Brene's Daring Greatly Parenting manifesto...you can download it here and the Leadership Manifesto which I now have pasted on my studio wall. thanks Brene!!


*outdoor markets are the best!!! I saw them everywhere in Seattle and Vancouver...fruits, veggies and the most delicious bouquets of flowers...good stuff!

*watched Super Soul Sunday this morning (OWN network) and Gary Zuvak just lit up my soul! He emanated peace and wisdom and truth. One of the things that really struck me about the conversation was how much importance he placed on intention. Oprah also shared about her "disease to please" and how she overcame it with  aligning her actions with her intention.

* writing in my journal...poetry, ideas, gratitude, painting ideas, intention, goals, hurts...everything!!! Filling up pages and dreaming. big.

* loved our trip to Vancouver...soaking in all of the art, culture, natural beauty...good stuff!
Back home and had our first snowfall...preparing for Halloween . laundry. etc.

living whole(hearted)ly

I started reading this book over a week ago and just couldn't put it down!!! It went with me to Canada and I read it on the plane/airport/car. I pasted stick-it notes all over the place, wrote in my journal every few pages and then...re-read through parts of it. It's that good, it's that true, it's that needed. Daring greatly (in a nutshell) is all about living wholeheartedly. Something i have not done for so much (okay...most) of my life. As a child, I was put in a box and every time I tried to venture out, I was stuck back in or worst. So...pretty soon i learned not to try, not to venture out and not to dream or dare or hope. Then I hit my teens and my real self went further into hiding and my false selves (there were many) became stronger and stronger. You know...this self with my boyfriend, this self with my teachers, this self with my friends  etc. I hated and feared being vulnerable; it took me back to a place where I was abused because of my very vulnerability.

Then, when I turned 30, I went to India for 4 months. Something happened there...that led me to my art, that led me to mySELF. But it wasn't this big huge change all at once...there were tiny step. Going to the art store and buying canvases and paints, learning about different materials and what they could do, signing up for classes and following through. Listening to my heart and not my head (you're going to do what??? You aren't an artist! who do you think you're fooling??) etc etc. Then when I became a mom...living wholeheartedly wasn't an option anymore...it was a necessity. Deep down...I knew this!!! I listened. i followed through. I cried. I shed the false layers...there was no room for that in my marriage and mothering and art and life and heart and soul. So...to read through this book was an affirmation that i am on the right path (for me).

Reading through the book...I realised that all the people I deeply deeply admire ...live wholeheartedly. No matter how different they are...they have that in common. Daring greatly is not about being perfect or spilling every private thought and action and dysfunction. It's not about winning or losing or getting everything we want. It's about showing up, being truly seen for who we are (warts and all). It's not paying attention to the critics and naysayers but using this one precious life that we have to be the full manifestation of who we are. It's about being scared and saying "I'm still going to try. my very best.".

It's about being vulnerable. Being true. Being real. It's about accepting and talking about our shame(s) and moving through it. It's about sharing all of our parts and pieces with trusted others. There are people in our lives who will hold our pain with us and not deny or negate it or use it against us. It's about being the adults we want our children to become. It's about living congruently. This book has inspired me to ...dare greatly. thank you Brene!!!!

Bienvenue au Canada!!

" There is so much to see and feel and hear out in the open. It keeps your whole being alert, drinking in wonders till you are drugged by them, and drift off carried by this smell and that feel and this sound, that color- out, out to that which stands behind all these things, God, comprehending all substance, filling all space." - Emily Carr (Hundreds and Thousands)
Being back in Canada has been food for my soul in so many ways...too large and all encompassing to explain. It just feels good! A long long time ago (somewhere in my late 20's) I lived in Vancouver for close to a year. So it was really special for me to share this place with Tim and Tara. And what a marker of time...to revisit places 10-15 years later...now as a wife and mom!!! A deep knowing that life is just so short...and while every moment carries the seeds of rebirth, every moment is also a dying off to who we were.

I spent an afternoon at the Vancouver Art Gallery which has an entire floor (Theatre of Transcendence) devoted to the extraordinary Emily Carr. I just sat and soaked everything up...her quick and lively brushstrokes, her thick paint laid on like swirls of butter and of course, her writings. I could feel her energy there with me...her deep and abiding love of this land and it's First Nations people. Thank you dear Emily...for following your heart, being true to your soul and living life on your own terms.

" memories of the past define our perspective, help us negotiate our circumstances, and develop new ways of being and becoming"            -Anh Hua
So, dear friends, you see...being back in Canada was, to me, like a "breathing among the trees" . It just opened up my soul...full of gratitude and wonder. You see...I immigrated here when I was just 12 years old...escaping the evil and oppressive regime of apartheid. I think I would be an entirely different person had we not left. So...just very very grateful to be Canadian, that's all. And i regret to say that I haven't always felt that way. But now that I am older...and a mom...I feel a deep sense of love and appreciation for the many things I used to totally take for granted.

I also had the opportunity to see 2 amazing special screening documentaries put on by the Soroptomist Society Of White Rock. The first one was Miss Representation which was an eye opener for me in so many ways. It's examines and challenges the many ways the media limits, distorts and misrepresents girls and women. The second screening I saw was It's a Girl which is about the gendercide that's happening right now in India and China. It was heartbreaking and devastating to watch...but totally necessary. It's not enough for me to say that I am so glad Tara isn't born "over there"...There is no "over there" and "over here"; these girls are our daughters...these women are our sisters.

Me: So Tara...what do you think about Canada? this is where mommy's from.

Tara: I think it's great!

Me: What makes it so great?

Tara: Ummm...me!!!

My girl...just so full of beans!

 "Living here and remembering there, between memories of places of origin and entanglements with places of residence, and between the metaphorical and the physical home" -Vijay Agnew

But perhaps the greatest gift of this trip has been this...home is right here with these two...wherever we are...this is where I belong. Because the truth is that even though Tim and I have our differences (he's a U.S. Marine and I'm a Canadian tree hugger...okay?? )...this man right here loves me and this little girl just melts my heart.

Hello Canada!!!

These past many months I have been terribly terribly homesick. It kind of came about in fits and starts and then culminated into a full blown case of "I have to go to Canada...like right now!!!!". My home and life and family are  here in the U.S. but...I am a Canadian girl at heart. And like so many Canadians...I don't realise how very Canadian I am...until I'm out of the country eh:) So...we are off to Canada for a week and my heart is just bursting with joy. I am super excited for Tim and Tara to experience that special Canadian magic. Wide open spaces, majestic beauty and of course...a Tim Horton's fix:) Hello Canada!

a light shining bright: Malala Yousafzai

                                                                      (Shakti, 2006)

Hearing the story of little Mulala Yousafzai this weekend infuriated me. just sent me over the edge of despair and anger and sadness...all churning together.  Have you heard about her? She was shot in the head and neck (at point blank range) by the Taliban in Pakistan. So...what was the "crime" of this little 14 year old girl, we may wonder?? Her crime was this: light, hope, truth, heart, courage, intelligence. What were her weapons? Books. What did she want? An education. And the Taliban...what are their crimes??? Cowardice, hate, ignorance, violence...  fear turned evil.

Malala Yousafzai: you are a light shining bright. And no-one-NO-ONE-can snuff that out. You epitomise bravery and tenacity...heart. All you wanted was for girls to have the right to an education. She has been an activist and advocate for children and girls since the age of 11. In so much of the world, this is a crime. It strikes fear into the very  heart of patriarchy, militants... ignorance. 

 Dear Malala: now that you are fighting for you life...so much of the world sends you love, blessings and prayers for a recovery. Your bravery makes us all strive to be more courageous. To stand up for what we believe in, for what we know in our hearts, is wrong. We stand with you. xxx

this + that

I have been reading Daring Greatly nonstop this week (am on chapter 3 ...Understanding and Combating Shame) and it is beyond brilliant + complicated + messy...and totally necessary. it's all about claiming our vulnerability to be wholehearted. Brene says that when we have the courage to be vulnerable...it transforms every aspect of our lives. I have found that to be 100% true in my life...vulnerability has made me stronger, not weaker.

I have been rearranging things in my studio...getting rid of stuff as well. This chair is in a cosy corner and I just love the morning sunlight that pours through the windows. Let me tell you the story behind this chair, though. I picked it up at the junk store a  few months ago and it was ugly. I mean...ugleeeeee! It has really dated tweed plaid fabric and was a very heavy walnut color. But it had good bones, is super comfortable and was a steal. So I recovered the cushions, painted the wood a warm linen color and threw this Suzani fabric (actually an extra curtain panel!) over the seat. Now...totally love!!

I actually got to see our first lady Michelle Obama speak this week...she was brilliant, brave + beautiful and I was in awe. She rocked Colorado!!! I really wish that I could have taken Tara to see her but it would have been too much ...all the crowds and long hours. Elections are right around the corner and I, for one, wish it were all over. There's just so much hanging in the balance.



Been making lots of art this week. just getting into my studio and experimenting, making journal pages, and trying out new products.

I received my book by Mati Rose this week and have been trying out all sorts of new and fun techniques. Totally in love with this book! Besides all the useful info...the gorgeous pics are totally inspiring!!!

I came across this sign in a shop window and had to take a pic!! I fundamentally believe in this but...yes, I know...my husband is a Marine! The Universe has a sense of humor I'm thinking:) I absolutely am proud of my husband, the man he is and the heart he has. And still I hold true to who I am. Besides...as Tim says...soldiers usually hate war the most because they are the ones who have to fight it.

Fall is in full bloom over here and I just adore the leaves all aflame, cooler evening weather and bundling up. There are pumpkins and Halloween decorations out everywhere...hot drinks and early darkness. We love our evening walks...Tim and i holding hands and Tara skipping ahead.

My beautiful girl growing up waaaaaay too fast. She picks out her own clothes, tells me she needs her privacy (!!!) and is curious + sassy + so so sweet + smart. I'm teaching her Spanish and she already knows her numbers and colors!

 Hope you all have a great weekend!! xxx

around here...

*experimenting and playing and trying out all sorts of new techniques!!

* a quiet coffee and writing in my journal = bliss

* yesterday morning walk (I heart fall). The trees all ablaze and the sun shining down = all is right with the world:)

* altar on my studio table

* picked up this delicious birdie candle at Pier I...love!!  

* just started reading this book and...OMG!!! It so resonated with me on every level!! I am only on the first few pages but am so glad I bought it + even more grateful that Brene does the work she does!  

*me + my girl xxx

showing up...in my studio

This is what I have been up to lately...just getting into my studio and playing! One of the most important lessons I am learning on this creative (+ life) journey is this...just show up! With all of my doubts + fears...with all of my joys and gifts. And trust that my art and creativity will flourish because of it...not in spite of!! I am learning to play more and it is so freeing!!! Just free form...mixing colors and trying out all sorts of new techniques...even closing my eyes sometimes! Lighting candles, setting an intention (never done this before and it is powerful beyond measure). Also using new art products (Montana Gold spray paints = awesome...gotta' use them outside though...with a mask!!). Happy weekend friends...and happy artmaking, lovemaking, lifemaking. And remember to play!! xxx

feeling my heart lift

(self portrait, Canyon Road, New Mexico)

I am feeling my heart lift...in a big way. I don't think it's any one thing that did it. A few weeks ago I was fine...just walking along life doing my thing when BAM!!! I fell into the abyss of "I am not enough", "why am I not there isn't of here" on and on. It took me by surprise and then started to snowball. but now...I feel my heart lift. It's not any one thing ...
It's listening to Mati Rose + Wilo talk about playing and allowing when we create. allow ourSELVES to make mistakes, try out new things and just show up. For our work and our lives. It's listening to this talk by Elizabeth Gilbert who so articulately describes the demons and monsters we face in our creative lives. It's shining in the knowing of who I am . Who I am becoming. It's our short trip to New Mexico that was full of art + sunshine + inspiration + magic + laughter. It's loving how my hubby thinks of me in so many many ways large and small. And shows me. It's new art supplies (trying out Montana Gold spray paints). It's the opening of my heart...laughing more easily + crying more easily. okay!!!...some of this is hormonal, I'm sure:) But anyhoo....

(on our way home)

After reading this post right here...I realised how very uncertain life is. How we can't take any of it for granted. not one moment. How grace + laughter + gratitude are gifts we give not only to each other...but to  ourSELVES. How we can only be who we are truly are; warts and all. And if someone doesn't like us for who we are then...so.be.it. that speaking and living our truth is what really matters. And as much as this post made me tear up...it also lifted me.

It's tapping into my anger about things. It's vital and raw...necessary and conducive to creativity.  Not pushing it down and pretending it doesn't exist. It's setting boundaries and not going along just so I don't make someone else uncomfortable...at my own expense. It's learning how to say "NO". Kindly and gently. but firmly. and mean it.

                                                            (sacred feet for a sacred journey)

It's making space for the sacred everyday. In my own way. What feels good and right for me. What fills me up. Breathing in nature. communing with the earth. talking to trees. Writing in my journal. Spending quiet time with Tara and Tim. Painting. Sitting under the stars. Getting rid of dogma and going straight to the source. black mud. rain. a gala of color.

It's taking better care of this one body I inhabit (I just ordered some hemp powder) and am starting to work out again, bad knee and all. I read about this simple Buddhist meditation practice a few weeks ago where you take a few minutes every morning to sit still with your body and thank every part for what it does..."thank you liver for...thank you feet for...thank you eyes for..." It may sound so silly but ...just try it!!! It takes me out of the mindset of focusing on what's not working so well (my knee) and into  a space of appreciation and gratitude. It puts a "smile in your kidneys" as the Dalai Lama says:) Oops. Got my wise men mixed up...it was Elizabeth Gilbert's Ketut who said that!!

                                               (this morning...a precious little girl, sunshine + artmaking)

It's this beautiful little girl right here who we are ever so grateful to have in our lives. xxx

art + heart = magic

My wonderful husband planned a surprise trip for us to Sante Fe...and as always, it is pure magic!! I could live here! Seriously! Every corner is immersed in art and centuries old history and culture. There is a powerfully humble quality to the adobes; they are part of the earth, not separate from. The light is simply magnificent...turning the mountains around the town from all shades of blue to purple to pink. and the art, the art the art!!! Everywhere! Paintings hidden behind trees, old sculptured doors, garden art blending into the landscape, Canyon Road, jewellery, pottery, First nations history + art + culture seeping into everything.

*day 1: early early morning on the square...before anyone was up...I took a brisk walk, grabbed a cup of coffee and fed the birds.

*the cathedral on the square with morning light. It's grand and imposing with a long history.  Sitting under it looking up to the heavens was pure magic.

*right across from the cathedral is a Native American Museum that has a very educational exhibit going on right now. It's all about identity which resonates with me on every level. It's about taking bits and pieces of philosophies and cultures that truly sing true with your soul and then threading them together to form a unique identity.

*day 2: sitting on Canyon Road having a quiet cup of chai...just taking it all in...sunshine, adobes, art art art = happy happy happy

*fell in love with this little gallery on Canyon Road...everything in here was special and sacred.

* treasure trove of goodness

* art hidden among the trees. how beautiful is this???

* 1 + 1 = my whole heart xxx

* I met artist Sandra Duran Wilson...I have her book Surface Treatment Workshop!!! She was absolutely the sweetest. She chatted with me and gave me loads of helpful advice and tips. 

* some of her gorgeous gorgeous work!



*love these little altars everywhere. They are like little secrets hanging in all sorts of places...just waiting to be discovered.

*day 3: early morning breakfast in the park. We grabbed a few goodies (almond croissants from a French pastry shop...OMG goodness!!), bundled up a bit and ate with the birds. Lots of walking + laughing + nature.
We heart you New Mexico. Thank you for all your gifts + goodness, your heart + art...your magic. We'll be back!!! xxx