living whole(hearted)ly

I started reading this book over a week ago and just couldn't put it down!!! It went with me to Canada and I read it on the plane/airport/car. I pasted stick-it notes all over the place, wrote in my journal every few pages and then...re-read through parts of it. It's that good, it's that true, it's that needed. Daring greatly (in a nutshell) is all about living wholeheartedly. Something i have not done for so much (okay...most) of my life. As a child, I was put in a box and every time I tried to venture out, I was stuck back in or worst. So...pretty soon i learned not to try, not to venture out and not to dream or dare or hope. Then I hit my teens and my real self went further into hiding and my false selves (there were many) became stronger and stronger. You know...this self with my boyfriend, this self with my teachers, this self with my friends  etc. I hated and feared being vulnerable; it took me back to a place where I was abused because of my very vulnerability.

Then, when I turned 30, I went to India for 4 months. Something happened there...that led me to my art, that led me to mySELF. But it wasn't this big huge change all at once...there were tiny step. Going to the art store and buying canvases and paints, learning about different materials and what they could do, signing up for classes and following through. Listening to my heart and not my head (you're going to do what??? You aren't an artist! who do you think you're fooling??) etc etc. Then when I became a mom...living wholeheartedly wasn't an option anymore...it was a necessity. Deep down...I knew this!!! I listened. i followed through. I cried. I shed the false layers...there was no room for that in my marriage and mothering and art and life and heart and soul. So...to read through this book was an affirmation that i am on the right path (for me).

Reading through the book...I realised that all the people I deeply deeply admire ...live wholeheartedly. No matter how different they are...they have that in common. Daring greatly is not about being perfect or spilling every private thought and action and dysfunction. It's not about winning or losing or getting everything we want. It's about showing up, being truly seen for who we are (warts and all). It's not paying attention to the critics and naysayers but using this one precious life that we have to be the full manifestation of who we are. It's about being scared and saying "I'm still going to try. my very best.".

It's about being vulnerable. Being true. Being real. It's about accepting and talking about our shame(s) and moving through it. It's about sharing all of our parts and pieces with trusted others. There are people in our lives who will hold our pain with us and not deny or negate it or use it against us. It's about being the adults we want our children to become. It's about living congruently. This book has inspired me to ...dare greatly. thank you Brene!!!!

this + that

I have been reading Daring Greatly nonstop this week (am on chapter 3 ...Understanding and Combating Shame) and it is beyond brilliant + complicated + messy...and totally necessary. it's all about claiming our vulnerability to be wholehearted. Brene says that when we have the courage to be vulnerable...it transforms every aspect of our lives. I have found that to be 100% true in my life...vulnerability has made me stronger, not weaker.

I have been rearranging things in my studio...getting rid of stuff as well. This chair is in a cosy corner and I just love the morning sunlight that pours through the windows. Let me tell you the story behind this chair, though. I picked it up at the junk store a  few months ago and it was ugly. I mean...ugleeeeee! It has really dated tweed plaid fabric and was a very heavy walnut color. But it had good bones, is super comfortable and was a steal. So I recovered the cushions, painted the wood a warm linen color and threw this Suzani fabric (actually an extra curtain panel!) over the seat. Now...totally love!!

I actually got to see our first lady Michelle Obama speak this week...she was brilliant, brave + beautiful and I was in awe. She rocked Colorado!!! I really wish that I could have taken Tara to see her but it would have been too much ...all the crowds and long hours. Elections are right around the corner and I, for one, wish it were all over. There's just so much hanging in the balance.



Been making lots of art this week. just getting into my studio and experimenting, making journal pages, and trying out new products.

I received my book by Mati Rose this week and have been trying out all sorts of new and fun techniques. Totally in love with this book! Besides all the useful info...the gorgeous pics are totally inspiring!!!

I came across this sign in a shop window and had to take a pic!! I fundamentally believe in this but...yes, I know...my husband is a Marine! The Universe has a sense of humor I'm thinking:) I absolutely am proud of my husband, the man he is and the heart he has. And still I hold true to who I am. Besides...as Tim says...soldiers usually hate war the most because they are the ones who have to fight it.

Fall is in full bloom over here and I just adore the leaves all aflame, cooler evening weather and bundling up. There are pumpkins and Halloween decorations out everywhere...hot drinks and early darkness. We love our evening walks...Tim and i holding hands and Tara skipping ahead.

My beautiful girl growing up waaaaaay too fast. She picks out her own clothes, tells me she needs her privacy (!!!) and is curious + sassy + so so sweet + smart. I'm teaching her Spanish and she already knows her numbers and colors!

 Hope you all have a great weekend!! xxx

imagine...

                                                         (arms to sky, Sante Fe, New Mexico)
"To me, forge your own path means to proceed without permission. Imagine there being no bounds to what you can do or be. Imagine if we used the gifts bestowed upon us for our highest good without saying I can't do that because it's never been done before or because They wouldn't like that or they would think this of me. Imagine if you just friggin' did the damn thing you want to do. Imagine that!"- Ava Duvernay
I have been thinking a lot about opening doors within mySELF, possibilities and daring lately...and these posts right here are giving me strength, clarity, inspiration.

* am so digging this manifesto right here and ordered the book (Daring Greatly)...can't wait to get my hands on it!!
* 100% agree and believe in this post right here. My own personal story is this: after I became a mom I became more ambitious with my art, more honest with my words, more vulnerable in my life. Quite simply because my baby needed all of me...broken and shining.
* loving all the bravery and truthtelling spilling out of this post . Don't we all get rejected?? But the work we have to offer the world and ourSELVES don't rest upon the shoulders of a few. They rest within us: our tenacity + bravery + heart.

* Luv you Susannah!! honesty, putting it all out there, cussing and all:)