- Joseph Campbell
There have been transformations happening over here...budding changes that are happening in the tiniest of ways; and I am trusting my process wholeheartedly. With surrender + faith (my 2 words for the year, can you believe?). I used to be so frustrated and dejected that changes weren't happening faster...that I seemed to be doing everything I was "supposed" to do...but now I am stepping into my own rhythm of healing which occurs at our own pace. I have been writing pages + pages and pages...(amounting to books, really) and am really going way back deep into the recesses of my childhood. I am examining the lies upon lies upon lies...layers of deceit and transgressions and starting to truly bring them to the light. Questioning not only "Family of Origin" lies but cultural and multi-generational ones too. And it has been cathartic and exhausting and revealing ...and I've only just begun!!! It's a huge tangled mess that has depended on complacency, denial and feigned or real ignorance for it's very survival. And I am validating my experiences...the staggering damages that were incurred. I am examining my (false) survival programs/belief systems (otherwise known as fears, insecurities + shame) that I so desperately needed in childhood...but which now, no longer serve me in any way; they need to be brought to light also. I realize that I own my stories, my experiences, my journey...and I am going to claim it. Fully...wholeheartedly, with truth, compassion and self love. And what I am discovering is that each tiny act of courage leads to an expansion of self and acts of synchronicity that I am ever so grateful for.
I'm also beginning to realize that I don't have to "have everything together"...who does???:) But I am starting to truly "get this" on a deeper level. Not even striving for balance...but going with the flow. Not obsessing about whether things will be coherent ...but accepting that it's okay to be a "beautiful mess". In fact...as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently talks about.here..actually embracing my "beautiful mess"...celebrating it!!! Deep breath to that empowering point of view:) *See what I mean about really small shifts in perspectives = ginormous transformations??? Now that I have stopped chasing "balance" I have more energy to be present. Now that have stopped seeking things externally ...I can make the inner journey. Huge, huge and huge...makes me feel so filled with joy, I can't stop smiling:)
As much as I have been excavating truth ...I have also been practicing self care. So so important...focusing on things that strengthen me, fill me up with joy and connect me to my deeper self. Long photo walks (by myself or with Tara), painting, doll-making, juicing, journaling, yoga, reading poetry, practicing...being-ness. And the best part about self-care...(besides the fact that it feels so good) is that not only do I reap the benefits but everyone in my life does too. And Tara is learning , by example, the importance of caring for the self. Win/win/win.
More soon! xxx