"Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing presence." ~ Fra Giovanni,
Lately, for the past month or so, I have been struggling with my mothering abilities. I have been questioning some of the decisions I have made, choices that seemed right at the time but in retrospect have not been the best...and I have been struggling. There have been a lot of tears, sleepless nights, reaching out to friends and...sometimes...outright meltdowns. I have been doing a lot of looking into my own heart, assessing, writing in my journal, reading and of course, many many discussions with Tim. There are stumbles, failures and falls on this life/mothering journey...of course, of course!! But...why does it have to shatter and shake us up so much?? *deep breath*
I think it's so the light can come in, we can stop and assess and...a new path can be forged . Like everything else...it's not linear journey...there's a whole lot of backtracking and missteps. There's a whole lot of pain and inadequacy...deep seated fears that rear their ugly heads...the nagging feeling that says "I should have known better". But all that matters to Tim and I is this little girl right here being happy and confident and filled with love. And now I can say that this has been a huge learning opportunity for our family...and a gift, really. We are working through this as a family...and it makes us stronger, kinder, more truth-filled. Gifts...all.