My He(ART)-Full Life



Monday, August 2, 2010

unexpected visitors...

I had  a great few days off from everything art/computer related. I feel so much better; more relaxed and energised at the same time. We just hung around-Tara and I . Tea parties and pedicures, picnics and singing.Tara is growing up so fast-right before my eyes at that!! I just can't believe it. She is turning more and more into a little girl each day and leaving her baby days behind :( ...
However...I had some unexpected visitors as well. The gremlins (fear and her sisters...insecurity and self doubt) came visiting and still haven't left! I guess when I am busy all the time, I have no time or energy to entertain these guests. But once I had plenty of time to relax, think and (....freak out!!! )...they came full force. They were mostly of the "who does she think she is" and "how on earth am I going to do all this" variety. So I got out my journal and started writing-really identifying my feelings/thoughts (I will share some of my thoughts in another post later on this week)...I feel a lot better now but...I guess this is all part of the journey.  What I am realising is that when I acknowledge my fears and accept them for what they have to teach me, they lose their potency and  I become stronger and more committed.
I hope all of you had a great weekend-thanks for the many words of kindness (via your posts and emails) . I will be stopping by your blogs soon.

10 comments:

scrapwordsmom said...

So happy you had a wonderful time!

amy said...

Soraya
your break from the internet world sounds really good. i'm glad you carved out that time for you and tara!
and can i talk about how much i relate your post about fear/insecurity??? holy moly, when you start putting yourself out there, they come rushing in. i've had many nights lately when i wake up in the middle of the night--and have flooding thoughts of, "who do i think i am????" morning comes, and i feel a little better. i'm allowing these monsters to just be--breathe through it. the true, courageous, powerful voice eeks through every now and then. the voice that says, "i am." and the voice that says, "go for it!" "jump in!" "follow your heart." "trust."
thanks for sharing--helps to know we are not alone!
xo
amy

jacqueline said...

Dearest soraya, unexpected break is always good. Oh yea those visitors of yours sounds so familer! They do come visit me sometimes too. It's only natural and normal ~ i guess everyone of us go thru them. So wonderful to know that you acknowledge them. Have a lovely merry happy week and love to you!

alison said...

the familiar gremlins, they visit me too. glad that you are feeling better now. i read this in my fb page today: ‎"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." Kahlil Gibran

have a wonderful day!

Lis said...

Oof! Those pesky gremlins! They are such a nuisance and general party poopers! It helps me to remember they tend to show up when something REALLY GOOD is afloat and they want to steal that energy for themselves. You are right to offer them a little compassion, a moment to be heard and then kindly show them the door and let them be on their way!

And of course they want your sparkle all for themselves, I mean look at that incredible image of your daughter! Wow, she is growing up before my eyes! Reading your words "who does she think she is?" makes me want to reply "Who am I to NOT try? Not do this?" Because what we do is as necessary to life as eating, breathing, sleeping and we never question our sanity around those activities.

Off subject - you mentioned sugar and how do I manage it with Cowgirl. Fortunately, she does not have a sweet tooth (her treats are salty snacks) but once she entered preschool, she did develop more of an interest (sparked I think by her classmates embracing sugar!) So we do limit what she can have, but we try not to make it some kind of forbidden fruit lest she go wild when she gets older. We talk a lot about healthy eating. We have a flexible rule of one sweet a day and so if she is badgering me for something, I will let her know she can choose that to be her sweet, but then that's it (meaning "no dessert at dinnertime.") She almost always delays the gratification! I am hoping to teach her to regulate her intake.

She has a cousin who had a cavity in every baby tooth (!) so horrible to say, that is kind of a model to her of what happens if you eat too much sugar. Right now, she will proudly say "I eat healthy foods" and even when she gets a piece of candy or a cookie, she rarely eats the entire thing. She loves ice cream and in the summer I indulge her a little more. I guess I am saying, establish guidelines, talk about them and praise the good choices but don't make too big an issue over the sugar or else it will become a control issue with them. I am worried about kindergarten and a whole new environment ... so I may have to revise my thinking!

xo Lis

Lis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lynda Howells said...

This l hope will help get rid of your gremlins a little...l havblog..l subscribed to your blog, so l don't miss anythingxxlynda

Michele said...

The best way to kill the Gremlins is to journal- once you bring those nasty thoughts to the light by saying them out loud, it's amazing how fast they disappear.

I'm glad you are taking the time to relax. While I've learned to push my self over the past few weeks, I've also learned that doing nothing works wonders as well!

PS I used to live right next door to Castledowns in good ole Griesbach. Now we are 25 minutes north of Edmonton.

Blue Moon Mama said...

I can really relate to this post. I constantly have a negative little voice that pops up whenever I try to step out of my comfort zone and stretch myself. It also pops up alot with blogging saying things like no one really cares what you have to say or you're life is to dull to talk about, etc. I'm not very good at standing up to that negative voice.

I also know how you feel regarding Tara growing up & leaving her babyhood behind. Every day Nora is becoming more active, more adventurous & more of a little person in her own right instead of being my sweet little helpless baby. It's hard sometimes. Motherhood often seems to be a heartwrenching daily lesson in letting go. But there is also so much joy in watching them grow. Our children are our miracles. That's why it's so important for us to take time to really sink into our precious time with them. It is all too fleeting. I'm glad you were able to take a minibreak & enjoy your beautiful girl.

Also thank you for taking time to leave such warm & thoughtful comments at my blog. They mean so much to me!

Kerri said...

i hate it when those mean girls come to visit me too! hope they leave you alone! maybe you're right- when we're busy we don't give them the time of day... maybe i think too much!