My He(ART)-Full Life



Saturday, May 29, 2010

Conflicts and other gremlins

I have been having a difficult time these past few days...there is  a lot of conflict within me that have been weighing on my heart in a heavy, heavy way... Tim is leaving for Ca on Wednesday and Tara and I are staying here (in Va) for a while...our house has not sold yet so it makes sense that we stay here. It breaks my heart that our little family will be separated (we are all we have) and ...even if it's for a short time...I absolutely hate it! So all the conflicts start entering my spirit...about whether it's fair that I should be pursuing my art at this time. Kelly Rae's class starts tomorrow and I am so excited...yet I think...can I "keep up" with all of this? Do the things around the house that Tim normally does, continue with my painting, take a class and, first and foremost,  take care of Tara with all the love and attention she needs and deserves and on and on... so the guilt and anxiety and fears start taking over. I know that so many of us feel this way-so much of conflict and being pulled in so many directions...I have looked deep in my heart and...I just have to trust in this journey...trust that I will find a way to make it all work  and trust that there is something to learn from every single doubt and fear and conflict and ...all of these gremlins have something valuable to teach. I have to believe that I am on the right path; the journey I am  meant to be on. I have to believe in mySELF, the process and the Universe even though I am full of fear and uncertainty and conflict. I have to believe that I am doing the best I can and that it's good enough. I have to believe that this journey can include heart and home and self in a way that is good and right and whole.

                                       

6 comments:

Robin Norgren-Well of Creations said...

Your last sentence nailed it sweet friend. Your art will help ease the loneliness and give you the ability to more fully mother your sweet gem of a girl. As a wife of a military man, I know from the long days(and nights) of deployment I needed an anchor. Art (and my faith) has been a pretty good one.

ArtPropelled said...

I love Robin's comment. Art definitely has a way of easing the conflicts. You will love this course and find everything else falls into place because of the peace of mind it brings you. I hope the changes in your life run smoothly and that your house sells quickly so your family can be reunited again. In the mean time do this course. You owe it to yourself to enjoy every moment of it.

Jacqueline said...

Dearest Soraya, i truely understand how you feel about your lovely family will be separated for a short while and the fear that kicks in if you will be able to handle and take care of things while Tim is away. But you handle it so well so far with trusting and believing in yourself and the process. I believe in you and things will eventually work out well. :) You are truely an inspiration to me. Have a lovely merry happy sunday and love to you!

jacqueline
http://jqlinesocuteithurts.typepad.com/

bluemoonmama.com said...

I believe in YOU!

I absolutely know that you'll be able to handle it all. It may not be easy but you will do it. And we are all here for you to vent to if you need a sympathetic ear. You are a wonderful bright spirit and that spirit will carry you through even this tough time. Just keep visualizing how beautiful it will all be when the three of you are together again in gorgeous Southern California. It will all be worth it!

I'll see you in class, HUGS!

debbiesaenz said...

hi Soraya,
I just hopped over from the Flying Lessons e-course. I'm your newest follower. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles...remember to let love be your guide through this difficult time! Love conquers all! See you in class :)
Blessings,
Debbie
http://debbiesaenz.typepad.com

Catherine Just said...

thank you for stopping by my blog today! I love your blog, your words, your images! Beautiful, real, authentic. Looking forward to seeing how your life shifts and grows while we learn to fly with Kelly Rae!
xo
*catherine
http://www.catherinejust.com