(self portrait at 42 and a half...this morning)
"To be one woman, truly, wholly, is to be all women"
-Kate Braveman
Here I am...this morning...I feel myself getting older. Not just the physical signs of laughter and tears and so much joy and pain all around my eyes. They are a road map of my journey. ...and there is real beauty there. I love it! Seriously! But also the deeper shifts inside...of really claiming all of me. I think the thing that scares me the most about ageing is my physical health; I want to be healthy and active throughout my life. The wrinkles and things don't bother me. Really.The slowing metabolism...okay, that's a different story altogether!! Lets not even go there people!! But seriously, though, there were so many many times I never imagined I would get to this destination of being fully in mySELF and stepping into this life of mine...I am ever so joyful and grateful to be here.
(a page of my art journal)
I just started reading this book by Sarah Ban Breathnach ...and am loving it completely! There are a lot of exercises and deep work to do, a lot of painful memories to excavate and bring to light...so I think I am going to (very slowly) work through it. For so many years (for most of my life, to be quite honest) I didn't dare to dream. Besides the fact that through most of my childhood and formative years I was just trying to survive... I didn't think I had the right to dream...or to happiness, to love, to security, to a loving family, to financial success...to kindness, even. So, of course, I attracted all sorts of people and situations that reflected that. Lessons, lessons, lessons. But now...here I am, at age 42 (...and a half, thank you very much)...just stepping into who I am. In my marriage and mothering, in my friendships and painting and in this very creative community right here, I see the very best of me reflected. It feels good. In a multitude of ways I am firmly rooted in a life that is beyond what I ever imagined. It feels like home. Yet in so many ways...I feel there is so much more of mySELF to claim. I am dreaming over here...all sorts of things...Nothing is too big or too small. How about you? Are you dreaming?