soraya nulliah: joy

Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts

Friday, January 3, 2014

hello 45!!!

"Now I become myself. It's taken time...many years and places." -May Sarton
Yesterday I turned 45...and with time...I come closer and closer to my truest self. Just like I felt a seismic shift when I turned 40 + became a first time mother...I feel another one coming on!! I feel an opening, a growing...a (r)evolution within. In so many ways...I feel a true coming into myself...I want to shout out from the rooftops..."I am here!!". I want to gather up all of myself...hold my pieces + claim them. I think back to the long journey I have been on...the dark years of my childhood and the darker yet years of my adolescence. I reflect on years of drifting and drowning, the years of emotional sufferings and self loathing...the longer still years of angers + bitterness. I look at my journey...and I am so very proud of myself...that lonely, very unsure child that turned into an even lonelier young woman...that young girl who didn't know her own worth...but managed to fiercely cling on to hope anyway. And now...I feel a lightening of my load...I feel a deep surrender (my word for this year)...a letting go...of all those false stories others had written for me and I had taken upon myself as my own. I feel a paradigm shift...letting go and flowering into mySELF. Not that there aren't steps backwards...not there aren't those awful days with a pull to the past...not that I won't falter + stumble and fall. But now I know...that no matter what...I will get up. And each year that I get further and further away from "what will they think??", shame and victimhood...I get closer and closer to authenticity, wholeheartedness and thriving. I want to claim each and every one of my years. They have all led me to here...to this person I am today. ...Hello 45...I can't wait to see what you have in store for me.

Yesterday morning...Tim made me the most delicious breakfast...I felt like a queen...truly. I enjoyed every morsel...smoothies and veggie juice can wait until tomorrow:)

And then I spent the afternoon with Renoir, Monet, Picasso, Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec...oh!! my! What more can a girl ask for???

"Enough is a fearless place" - Unknown...I saw this quote yesterday and I felt as if it was a special message for me...for us all.
This is my world right here and I am forever grateful. For the very first time in my life...I feel safe + unconditionally loved. I belong here. And truly...after all my years of being an outsider...this feels like home. It's a gift I treasure and don't take for granted. Hello 45!!! I have a feeling you are going to be magical. And I surrender to it all.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

thank you

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."
-Meister Eckhart
The older I get...the more I am realising this is truth. Once I get past the dogma,text and noise of all the spiritual traditions ...it comes down to this simple practice right here; be grateful. And so...dear friends...the turkey is in the oven, the table is all set and Tim and Tara are at the park. This morning we sat around...listening to Miriam Makeba (deep, soulful heart -bursting -with- gratitude feel good music), made blueberry pancakes and ...enjoyed each other. Received some very humbling news that brought me to tears this morning and made me realise how every step of our journey is important. Just when we think that our work doesn't matter, that are lives are small and insignificant, that our hearts can't change the world...the Universe steps in and says otherwise. I am so incredibly grateful...in more ways than I can express.
Happy Thanksgiving !!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

a few simple things...

I am really making a conscious effort to slooooow down these days. To be present to all of the joy and beauty that surrounds me, the love that radiates from my heart and the creative impulses I am immersed in. Here are a few simple things I am ever so grateful for...
* writing my morning pages. When I miss a day, I can totally feel it!
* reading poetry aloud.
* my husband...his big and deep love for me. I certainly would not be able to do all I do with out his complete support.
*taking a deep breath when I get agitated
*our morning walks...it really allows me to focus on the moment
* practicing gratitude
*National Breast Cancer Awareness month! Twenty five years ago, there were few resources for women with breast cancer...it wasn't even talked about openly. But now we have a whole month to raise awareness and money for this killer disease that I sincerely hope we can eradicate.
* photography
*Jane's plum jam (you just have to taste it!!)
*books
* watching Tara twirl around in her Halloween princess costume. She looks so beautiful and grown up it brought me to tears.
*all the creative energy and inspiration that has been bubbling out of me these many weeks.
*this very blogging community right here; your heart and warmth is felt deeply and sincerely and I am ever so grateful for you all.
* Dr. Estes! I am currently listening to her Dangerous Old Woman audio series and...I love her...pure and simple. I am grateful for her heart and her work and her deep wild soul that she so openly shares with us.
How about you? Are there a few simple things that make your heart sing? Your spirit soar?
**P.S. If you are over 40, please go and get your mammogram; I just had mine done on Sunday. If you are under 40 and suspect something, don't feel quite right or have a strong history of the disease in your family...then please, trust your intuition and go get checked out. NOW!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

some pictures of my happiness...

Tim left back for Ca last evening..we had such an amazing time but it all flew by (just like I knew it would). Here are some recent pictures of my happiness...