b. inspired

I have to admit that, most times, I hate watching the news. With all the murders, violence and mayhem...it's pretty depressing. And the sad thing is...there are plenty of amazing, wonderful, inspiring stories and people out there...so why don't we hear about them??. Everyday people like you and I ...and then some pretty extraordinary, one in 100 million type of people that are now getting the spotlight because of the Olympics. My top 3 totally inspiring people right now???
Michael Phelps. Okay...he's only, like...somewhere in his twenties (??) and he's won a gazillion gold medals. The most decorated athlete at the Olympics...ever!!! Ever!!!! Totally inspired and in awe.
Then there's Oscar  "Blade Runner" Pistorius from S. Africa who is competing with able bodied people and he has two iron legs (first time ever this has happened). Now how can you watch this and not be totally + breathlessly inspired??? He has shown us what so called dis-abled people can accomplish and exemplifies the spirit of the Olympian. Here is a double amputee whose stumps are a bloody mess after he runs...but...he still does it!!! Oscar..you have won, you have won...you have won!!! And some people are saying that his legs give him an unfair advantage??? Oh!!! Please!!! I have so much admiration + regard for him as an athlete + a human being.

But the #1 person Tara + I are inspired by? None other than 16 year old gymnast extraordinaire...Gabby Douglas. I enrolled Tara in gymnastics a month ago...so when we watched Gabby win last week, Tara looked up at me and said "Mommy, I want to be like Gabby. I want to be in the lympics. But I can't do it myself...I need your help." My heart just melted right there. When I saw Gabby's routine with her flying through the air in perfect symmetry, grace and power...I can't explain the feelings of pride + admiration I had. There are so many stories out there that are bear witness to the power of the human spirit. Everyday heroes + she-roes. What inspires you? Who makes you feel that you can be brave and fly too?
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Tara and I at a summer party on Saturday. xxx

when "not good enough" is...enough

 

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These past few days have been...strange. I have been so exhausted but...too tired to notice that I'm tired! Has that ever happened to you? Recently it seems that I can sleep for  a hundred years!. Well...in the middle of all this tiredness, I have been feeling "not good enough". At first, I thought that my post tonight was going to be a pic and a quote or poem. Sometimes that's all I can muster. But since I really try to bring all of mySELF to this space...I want to claim my "not enough-ness" and say...here life, I offer you my inadequacies and fears and insecurities and...it's enough.

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Lately my not-enough-ness has been looking something like this:

I am not a good enough wife, mother, friend, ____(insert word here). I am not pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, ____(insert word here). Shouldn't I have figured my life out by now...at least some tiny fraction of it? Shouldn't I be more...assertive, courageous, funny, ____(insert word here). Shouldn't I be painting more, writing more, reading more? I have e-mails to get to, mail to get off, blogs to read...But deep in the thick muck of all this...messiness and ugliness, inertia and self-doubt...lies the brave self I am seeking. She's there somewhere waiting for just this opportunity to show herSELF!

                                    

When I can claim all parts of mySELF, my journey, my experiences...when I can sit with these orphaned pieces,  give them voice and accept them...then I can teach Tara to do the same. It's a lesson that shows up again and again in my life...do you know what I mean? So as I write this..I hope that my "not enough-ness" is enough. And my wiser SELF says back to me: it is, it is, it is...and so is yours.